Sunday, February 14, 2016

Humpty Dumpty and the Ghost.

Humpty Dumpty and the Ghost

This post has been a long time coming...
and it'll probably be a long time in a long freakin post..
And unless you are interested in having your ideas about reality seriously expanded into some weird new regions,
I'd forget about reading this...
and go do something else. 
I'm about to share some things here that I haven't even wanted to share with myself...
And it's difficult to know where to start.
Right now I'm having some physical body difficulties.
A great deal of Pain.
I can walk for about 5 minutes...
before I can barely move my right leg without tremendous pain.
It sucks.
I can't bend my knee to get down and work in the garden.
I can't walk around Market and visit folks...
And it's all because of Humpty Dumpty and the Ghost..
Or maybe I can blame it on my Teachers
in my last life...
Or my repressed anger towards them..
Well , no
I know the exact moment
the exact decision and action that I took
that led me to this.
and to the Cancer

that I had removed about 15 years ago.
(Sharing enough yet?)..

So I've been going to Physical Therapy to address
of that Choice and action...

 I'm about to tell you the story of what got me here.
In hopes that it will open some doors for me to 
Reverse the Choice
that led to all this.
So I guess I'll begin with some History
that will be useful in understanding the 
Big Picture here.

In my past life I lived in a Monastery in Tibet.
I had 2 primary Teachers.
That really pissed me off... he he
I'm finally admitting this 
because I think it's central to what got me here.
This Life was spent mostly in Meditation
and exploring the boundaries of what is Humanly possible.
(here's a tip.... ANYTHING)
But the Chinese soldiers were coming.
We could have run...
we could have hidden,
or we could have simply bowed down to them...
And Lived.
My teachers knew this.
But they said that our time,
isolated from the rest of world was over
that all over the world the isolated groups like us,
were making the conscious choice...
to spread out across the Globe.
And this was done mostly through the help of
the bullets of the Oppressors.  

We were told to allow them to kill us...

I had a slight problem with that...
But I agreed.

We were given the choice of bow down and live.
Or stand up and die.

We all died,
but unfortunately I couldn't bear to look into the eyes
of the soldier....
I was towards the middle of the row of monks.
They went one by one shooting us in the heads.
And when my turn came I couldn't bear to look into the face of the soldier..
it wasn't so much fear....
but I couldn't bear to "see" him.
And I cast my eyes down.
( I had conveniently forgotten this little guilt creating choice, until I was reminded about it by an old guy earlier in this Life...
who just happened to be there when he was a young man in this one)
You can read a little about that in my "Coming out of the Scary Weirdness closet" post here: Scroll down to Section 6C

So my last thought before I was shot was,
OH, CRAP..... my Brothers will think I was bowing down when I lowered my eyes.
I've carried a lot of guilt about that....
But the whole reason I mention this
 is just so you'll understand why,
in this Life...
I only listened to my Teachers when I felt like it. 

Because in 1970 after my "Experience" on that Mountain..
(which you can also probably read about under the link posted above)...
My teachers returned to my Life...
in a big freakin way.
Only difference was they didn't have bodies attached.

So that was pretty monumental.
And we took up right where we had left off in the previous life.
Mainly exploring the boundaries...
or lack thereof
of the Universe.
This brings us to a primary practice which I've dubbed,
"Yoga of the Death State".
Which was basically going through the whole process of Dying,
without cutting that silver cord that binds us to our bodies...
And this "Yoga's" purpose was not just to learn a lot of interesting stuff..
but to amplify evolution.
You see every time we die,
at least once we're at a certain evolutionary stage,
(past the halfway point on the wheel)
the amount of time we spend "in the Light" part of the death experience...
The more we evolve.
The whole rule for this Yoga was..
Don't be distracted by the Heavens and Hells
or anything else...
and go straight to the Light..
And stay in it as long as possible.
(of course I cheated a few times....WHEW!
(if you want to know more about the death process I'm sure I've written about it in this blog, just use the "search" option at the top right of the page).
So ....
I was a maniac...
My teachers told me to only do this yoga a limited amount...
in fact it was probably under conditions of their,
"Rule of Three".
They had this thing called the rule of Three...
Basically they said we humans are way too habitual Creatures..
And they were showing me how to do some AMAZING things.
But they said if I did any of them more than three time..
I would become habituated to them
and they would become a hindrance....
This is one of those cases where my deep seated repressed anger made me do just what I wanted..
So I spent a lot of time 
basically dying and going 
"Into the Light".
Well this has a very dramatic effect.
When we do it when we are really dead,
it's no big freakin deal because
we're born again in a whole new body, as a baby
and folks get to know us slowly.
But when we are doing it, 
when we are alive...
each time we come out of it...
we're a totally different person from the one who went in.
Because that Light..
and the longer we spend in it...
is what evolves us.. in the death state
(after that midway in evolution point).
So  the outside world,
and most notably my girlfriend,
would suddenly be faced with a totally different person than she knew the day before.
(you can read a little about this in section 5 of the link above)
But the upshot was.....
She eventually freaked.....
And I made the 
what's the word...
decision a human could make.
And one I doubt many LIVING  souls
have ever made.
(although maybe one in a million DEAD souls make it...
as it's where "Ghosts" come from.)
I literally became a Living Ghost as the outcome of what I've come to call,
My Humpty Dumpty Episode.
(also written about a little in the Coming out of the Scary Weirdness Closet).

So I'm going to tell you where ghosts come from.
There is something that humans have that I've dubbed,
"the Construct"
It probably has an official name, but I don't know it.
Basically it is our souls Astral Reflection.
It is an energetic pattern so to speak..
of who we WERE.
Note that it is past tense.
It's also what folks see when they die,
if they are still in the "tunnel"
as their "dearly departed loved ones"
Because we don't see our group....
inside the "tunnel"
(which by the way is the spinal column).
We do see our "group right outside of it...
All the energy of thought and emotion that has gone into defining us..... has by Law got to manifest after a certain amount of time.
So all except very new souls have this construct...
which is literally like a shadow that follows us around on the astral plane..
Which by the way is the area we pass through on "death".
And once we get past the halfway point in our evolution....
where our souls process changes from collecting...
to discarding....
this construct begins to ...
break apart.
It's like with every...
evolutionary step we take..
part of that construct sheds off,
like skin from a snake...
yet it still kind of floats for a time in the orbit of the construct.

Anyway, a ghost is a soul that instead of going forward through the death process....
which is Normal
it looks back upon it's construct...
(I think a lot of old Myths were built around this)
the whole "turning to stone or salt or whatever" 
And because of Laws of the Astral Plane where this occurs...
it is drawn towards...
and merges with it's construct...
Basically binding itself to who it WAS.

Well when my girlfriend
(who I loved deeply, or so I thought)
and begging me to go back to ,
"Who I was"..
And considering that at that moment I could "see"
all her future.... choices aiding her evolution...
I said,
"If I do will you come to the "light" with me."
She said yes....
It suited me to believe that..
and against my teachers basically yelling,
I did my little Yoga of the Death State,
Broke a major rule,
and turned to look at my construct....
And By doing that, all those 
Pieces of myself that had been shed like a skin..
came crashing back to me.
(the Law of Magnetism is pretty freakin MAJOR on the astral plane).
Which is why the most important lesson my teachers gave me about dying was...
Keep focused upon the Light...
and don't be distracted....
But the problem was, 
 all these pieces originally were collected in a very precise order.
"Everything in it's place".
But this lame ass move brought them all crashing back to me...
just a big mish mash.
And when I came out of it...
I could no longer hear my teachers,
I could no longer see my girlfriends
  Path and choices... 

And I was a freakin Psychic Mess.
I was totally OPEN
Like Autistic..
And I felt all the emotions, physical pains
 and thoughts of people within about a city block.
And I lived in a densely populated area of apartments....


I didn't last long.
The only way I could survive..
Was by going into the Light....

And I was a Telephone Man..
Going into the Light on the top of a Pole..
Wasn't conducive to my health..
I also was working inside in "frames".
But one day I went into the Light...
and couldn't come out...
They took me home....
I had to quit my job and move into a VW bus with my then wife...
as far from humans as possible.
I also had this ability to heal folks....
which was pretty cool, 
but Not.
Because the way it worked was,
someone would come into our camp..
And I was wide open,
so it was like all of their 'Stuff"
was inside of me...
And generally I'd like go into these 
Kundalini convulsions.
And the only way I could get out of it,
was by going Into the Light.....
And when I did...
they were cured and I wasn't convulsing any more...

Well you know this society isn't set up to support folks just sitting up on some mountain In the Light.
The medical profession medicated me
which didn't help much...

And I really wanted to be part of the world...
or at least felt like there were no other options...
So I made a conscious choice.....

You see when we are wide open
everything comes in through our belly region.
Like for me, near the base of the spine ..
And I found that I could maintain my solidity
around humans.... If I blocked that incoming energy,
where it came in.
I had done it at other levels up and down my spine but it caused immediate problems,
but I found if I blocked it before it came in...
I could Deal...

 I knew also that blocking energy...
.. is at the base of much disease...
(as is over amplified energy).
But on that day in the late 70's I decided to attempt to become
part of the world...
And I willfully put an energetic block at the base of my spine...
I told my wife that it'd be a problem in 20 years...
and in about that time
I got cancer
(the oncologist said it was a slow growing kind and probably took about 13 years).
It was more like 20...
So I had that cut out...
But refused to even question myself about the Block I had put there..
Because I knew it was still there,
and didn't want to face that....
But now I am....
whether I want to or not...
and can barely walk....

And the question is....
How do I remove it...
Am I willing to.

Because without it.....

There's just too damn much coming in...

Because removing it is really just also a conscious choice.
And if I do......
Then I can be who I really am....

But I'm afraid.

And the reality is, it isn't what comes in to me..
that is the problem...
it's what I attach to what comes in...
It's when I attach my own stuff to it..
Because guess what...
what does us harm on energetic levels is NEVER 
"out there".
There are people and entities that may have negative intentions...and even energetic actions towards us...
but unless we attach our own stuff to it...
no harm can be done.

And sometimes in the dark
at a drum circle where all I'm doing is drumming
and I'm High...
I can drop the block
and let it all in
without attaching anything but Love to it....

And I know this is the answer..
But I've never allowed it in the Light of Day..

And it's not just my fear of what will "come in"
But also 
in a major way,
my fear of what my Loved Ones will think
if they were to see me
as I really am.

It made my first wife hysterical....





  1. if you have shared your whole life story with taryn,then she already knows who you are...and who you will become...if you haven't shared everything with her,then that is the place to start.taryn is a beautiful and strong woman--she has possessed the courage to be with you and make your life together,outside of mainstream ideas of how lives should be lived.maybe you should discuss this decision with her,before you make your block is affecting your life in the physical plane is already becoming apparent to you,and it will very shortly begin to affect your existence together...whatever you decide,may peace be with you always...

    1. Thanks Linda, She knows my life story and who I have been, but can't Know who I would be without the Block, and we both know I should remove it..(she has blocks of her own as well) ..but some blocks are Lifetimes deep and were placed for survival...removing them can take quite some time.....and a whole lot of trust. We've been chipping away at them.... I think we were pretty much made for each other in that regard ..



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