Humpty Dumpty
and the Ghosts Memory
I've attempted
writing this quite a few times, and it's never quite been Right...
but....who would the audience be ?.... I knew not a single person
that would understand any of this, so it was always stilted..... But
I am writing it now in the Direction of some folks that have read
Carlos Castaneda's works and some are following the Disciplines.
Carlos was an apprentice of Don Juan, a very Magical Dude with
understanding beyond the Matrix/Tonal of the majority of Humanity....
So I'm hoping maybe with some Translation parts of this can be
understandable... What is my Intention of doing this Recapitulation?
Well, about 45 years ago I did some....Crazy Magic.... The Results
were...catastrophic. I have spent the rest of my life recovering from
that. Things had sort of ,”Normalized” until 2020 when the Black
Magicians made a major Play at Control and manipulation designed to
Create Fear....(which they feed off of) , and Division among the
people of Humanity... (which they also Feed off of)... So they
created this Bogus Fear and put it out into the world via multiple
modalities. They used the media, as they always do, they used the
governments that they control, they used certain technology to Feed
certain Frequencies also designed to...Feed Fear and create
Division.... and even create physical manifestations of disease.....
And the world went Bat Shit Crazy..... OK, I don't have a lot of
spare time to write these days so I found something I wrote about
this years ago, and will cut and paste and....embellish from a new
position of my assemblage point.
:So I guess
I'll begin with some History
that will be
useful in understanding the
Big Picture
here.
In my past life
I lived in a Monastery in Tibet.
I had 2 primary
Teachers.
That really
pissed me off... he he
I'm finally
admitting this.
because I think
it's central to what got me here.
This Life was
spent mostly in Meditation
and exploring
the boundaries of what is Humanly possible.
(here's a
tip.... ANYTHING)
But the Chinese
soldiers were coming.
We could have
run...
we could have
hidden,
or we could
have simply bowed down to them...
And Lived.
My teachers
knew this.
But they said
that our time,
isolated from
the rest of world was over
that all over
the world the isolated groups like us,
were making the
conscious choice...
to spread out
across the Globe.
And this was
done mostly through the help of
the bullets of
the Oppressors.
We were told to
allow them to kill us...
I had a slight
problem with that...
(probably quite
a bit more then Slight)
But I agreed.
We were given
the choice of bow down and live.
Or stand up and
die.
We all died,
but
unfortunately I couldn't bear to look into the eyes
of the
soldier....
I was towards
the middle of the row of monks.
They went one
by one shooting us in the heads.
And when my
turn came I couldn't bear to look into the face of the soldier..
it wasn't so
much fear....
but I couldn't
bear to "see" him.
It was like
looking into Hell,
and it wasn't
really one of his choosing...
And I cast my
eyes down.
( I had
conveniently forgotten this little guilt creating choice, until I was
reminded about it by a Magical old guy earlier in this Life...
who just
happened to be there when he was a young man in this one.)
At least this
is what I have believed all my Life because his description of the
day was spot on, even better then my memory...But just a few days ago
wile doing this recap I realized maybe he was just a really
good,”Seer”. Pretty sure this could be the case because that was
a theme of lessons he was giving me.... (wow, that took a while to
figure out).
You can read a
little about that in my "Coming out of the Scary Weirdness
closet" post here: Scroll
down to Section 6C
So my last
thought before I was shot was,
OH, CRAP.....
my Brothers will think I was bowing down when I lowered my eyes.
I've carried a
lot of guilt about that....
But the whole
reason I mention this
is just
so you'll understand why,
in this Life...
I only listened
to my Teachers when I felt like it.
Because in 1970
after my "Experience" on that Mountain..
(which you can
also probably read about under the link posted above)...
My teachers
returned to my Life...
in a big
freakin way.
Only difference
was they didn't have bodies attached.
So that was
pretty monumental.
And we took up
right where we had left off in the previous life.
Mainly
exploring the boundaries...
or lack thereof
of the
Universe.
This brings us
to a primary practice which I've dubbed,
"Yoga of
the Death State".
Which was
basically going through the whole process of Dying,
without cutting
that cord that binds us to our bodies...
And this
"Yoga's" purpose was not to learn a lot of interesting
stuff..
but to amplify
evolution.
You see every
time we die,
at least once
we're at a certain evolutionary stage,
(past the
halfway point on the wheel)
the longer
amount of time we spend "in the Light" part of the death
experience...
the more we
evolve.
The whole rule
for this Yoga was..
Don't be
distracted by the Heavens and Hells
or anything
else...
and go straight
to the Light..
And stay in it
as long as possible.
(of course I
cheated a few times)....WHEW!
(if you want to
know more about the death process I'm sure I've written about it in
this blog, just use the "search" option at the top right of
the page).
So ....
I was a
maniac...
My teachers
told me to only do this yoga a limited amount...
in fact it was
probably under conditions of their,
"Rule of
Three".
They had this
thing called the rule of Three...
Basically they
said we humans are way too habitual Creatures..
Routines are
Traps.
And they were
showing me how to do some AMAZING things.
But they said
if I did any of them more than three times..
I would become
habituated to them
and they would
become a hindrance....
This is one of
those cases where my deep seated repressed anger made me do just what
I wanted..
So I spent a
lot of time
basically dying
and going
"Into the
Light".
Well this has a
very dramatic effect.
When we do it
when we are really dead,
it's no big
freakin deal because
we're born
again in a whole new body, as a baby
and folks get
to know us slowly.
But when we are
doing it,
when we are
alive...
each time we
come out of it...
we're a totally
different person from the one who went in.
Because that
Light.. (Nagual/ Eternity)
and the longer
we spend in it...
is what evolves
us.. in the death state
(after that
midway in evolution point).
So the
outside world,
and most
notably my girlfriend,
would suddenly
be faced with a totally different person than she knew the day
before.
(you can read a
little about this in section 5 of the link above)
But the upshot
was.....
She eventually
freaked.....
I remember that
day fairly clearly....
I was staying
with her at her parents house,
she was still
in High School...living at one end of the SF Bay,
and I worked at
the other....and commuted twice a day.
Well on my way
home after my morning shift I had a very profound experience...well
never mind that, but my Teacher Intervened with a crisis I was
having...
(They had rules
about how quickly we....Cleared our Island, for a Reason..... I
cheated and suffered the difficulties....)
But My Teacher
told me something that ….had a very Freeing effect.... And
I...well, crap. I really should explain it... I just feel this Time
pressure because we are so Busy....all the time.
OK, so...as I
was driving along, recapping my morning...
it seemed to me
that everything I had done and said and thought at work that day was
just ….plain Stupid.
When you are
constantly going into the Light, Shadows are constantly playing back
into the Tonal...
I constantly
felt as Dumb as Carlos....he he...
and it sucked.
So I say out
Loud,
“OK, I'm done meditating, I'm done doing the Yoga of the
Death State and all this other stuff.
I'm done going
into the Light...I don't need to feel like the stupidest person an
the Planet, Later...
And then my
Teacher enters the scene and tells me something like,
“ When you
look in the Mirror, you must understand that you are Looking at who
you WERE...
Who you ARE,
is the one who
is Looking..
Switch your
Identification to the one who is Looking,
not your pasts
Reflection...
WOW!!!
That hit home
in that Instant....
I was back on
the Horse....
I went to their
apartment,
nobody was
home.
I sat in the
living room and meditated.
I remember
thinking,
which path
should I follow this time to the Nagual...
(I had been
shown Many)..
and this weird
thing happened..
I would follow
one path, say....the Sound....
and I'd get
right up to the place I had dubbed,
the “doorstep
of Eternity”,
or
“God's
Threshold”...
This is that
place right before you, Jump off into eternity..
into the Light.
So I'd follow
one path to the Doorstep....
Stop there...
Feel a
wrongness about being there Alone..
I mean about
Jumping off alone...
and a
loneliness almost as vast as Eternity....
So I'd stop, go
back and follow another path,
stop at the
doorstep,
and do this
over and over....
Then I
decided...
This isn't
working,
so I just
“stopped the world”.
I was sitting
there in Silence watching this fly in the room...
well, really
just seeing the whole room with this fly in it.
And I saw the
fly's entire Life...
as if
time....Changed totally and was no longer a ….
limiting factor
of my awareness.
Then the front
door opened and my girlfriend/Future wife (a couple years later)
walked in.
I was in this
Timeless Place.
I saw her
consciousness come towards me...
I saw mine
going out towards her...
Our Cords met
and merged in the middle of the Room.
Suddenly I was
seeing her Future life,
the same way we
see it between Lives
when we are
Plotting our reentry.
And I saw
her....choices...,
Well, it's like
you are looking at this Big wide River, and it has these tributaries
that run off to nowhere....
Those
tributaries are ...Choices we have made that has taken us off the
Main River... Indulgences that cost us...evolution...
Then I saw her
face.... and heard her screams.
She was
FREAKING OUT.
Now granted it
wasn't easy for her.
Every time I'd
spend some Time in the Light of the Nagual it would drastically brush
a lot of useless stuff off of my Island and into the Ocean, and when
I'd come back to my body I was an entirely different person from who
I was 20 minutes before...and I did this a lot...
Now she was
Freaking out.... and I had just ,”Seen” her
easiest Path to
the Nagual and the obstructions and their.... solutions...
She's crying,
and she say's
“I want you
to go back to who you WERE”...
There is just
so much more to this.
She was very
Young...in this Life,
and in Lives in
general.
This had made
her a very Clear Conduit for my Teachers..
And we'd spend
hours and hours driving around,
8 track
playing....
and through her
my Teachers would....ask the next pertinent question that would aid
my evolution...
EVERYTHING has
a pattern, and is all about ORDER.
And the Magic
is in the Pattern.
(Don Juan's
Lineage of Seers and Dreamers are like pattern Explorers.... They use
the patterns of the cords to Unravel the world of the Tonal.)
This is the
basis of their, “Knowledge and Magic”.
So, I was
pretty attached to my Girlfriend for many reasons.
So I say to
her,
If you promise to come to the Light with me,
I'll try to
go back to who I was....
Crazy Huh?
But I had
learned some things traveling the Death Realm
over and over.
I learned...
superficially about this thing I have come to call our,”Construct”.
And I made the
HMM???
what's the
word...
CRAZIEST
decision a
human could make.
And one I doubt
many LIVING souls
have ever made.
(although maybe
one in a million DEAD souls make it...
as it's where
"Ghosts" come from.)
I literally
became a Living Ghost as the outcome of what I've come to call,
My Humpty
Dumpty Episode.
(also written
about a little in the Coming out of the Scary Weirdness Closet).”
OK, breaking
in here,
I wasn't
just a Ghost.... but worse then that...a Ghosts Memory...
back to the old
narrative,
“So I'm going
to tell you where ghosts come from.
There is
something that humans have that I've dubbed,
"the
Construct"
It probably has
an official name, but I don't know it.
Basically it is
an Astral Reflection.
It is an
energetic pattern so to speak..
of who we WERE.
Note that it is
past tense.
It's also what
folks see when they die,
if they are
still in the "tunnel"
as their
"dearly departed loved ones."
It is actually
their,"Constructs"
Because we
don't see our group....
inside the
"tunnel"
(which by the
way is the spinal column).
We do see our
"group right outside of it...
Anyway
All the energy
of thought and emotion that has gone into defining us..... has by Law
got to manifest after a certain amount of time.
So all except
very new souls have this Construct...
which is
literally like a shadow that follows us around on the astral plane
during the death process..
And once we get
past the halfway point in our evolution....
(once
we,”Change Direction”)
where our souls
process changes from collecting...
to
discarding....
this construct
begins to ...
break apart.
It's like with
every...
evolutionary
step we take..
part of that
construct sheds off,
like skin from
a snake...
yet it still
kind of floats for a time in the orbit of the construct.
Anyway, a ghost
is a soul that instead of going forward through the death process....
which is Normal
it looks back
upon it's construct...
(I think a lot
of old Myths were built around this)
the whole
"turning to stone or salt or whatever"
And because of
Laws of the Astral Plane where this occurs...
it is drawn
towards...
and merges with
it's construct...
Basically
binding itself to who it WAS.
Well when my
girlfriend
(who I loved
deeply, or so I thought)
was FREAKING
and begging me
to go back to ,
"Who I
was"..
And considering
that at that moment I could "see"
all her
future.... choices aiding her evolution...
I said,
"If I do
will you come to the "light" with me."
She said
yes....
It suited me to
believe that..
and against my
teachers basically yelling,
I did my little
Yoga of the Death State,
Broke a major
rule,
and turned to
look at my construct....”
Current time:
But I didn't
put my attention on My Construct, but had this idea that the shedding
skin of my Construct was who I most recently WAS, so I put my
attention on them....
And By doing
that, all those
Pieces of
myself that had been shed from my Construct
came crashing
back to me.
(the Law of
Magnetism is pretty freakin MAJOR on the astral plane).
Problem is
attaching to our Construct IS what makes us a Ghost,
and is most
akin to who we most recently were..
But attaching
to the shedded skin was pulling back stuff that wasn't even a part of
me in any recent history.
The most
important lesson my teachers gave me about dying was...
Keep focused
upon the Light...
and don't be
distracted....
But for this
purpose I had to be...
But the problem
was,
all these
pieces originally were collected in a very precise order.
And Shed from
the Construct in a certain order...
But this lame
ass move brought them all crashing back to me...
just a big mish
mash.
No order at
all...and It wasn't the Construct that I was using to reconsolodate
my Tonal with, BUT what you might call my Constructs older lost
memories.
And when I came
out of it...
I could no
longer hear my teachers,
I could no
longer see my girlfriends
Path and
choices...
And I was a
freakin Psychic Mess.
I was totally
OPEN
Like Autistic..
And I felt all
the emotions, physical pains
and
thoughts of people within about a city block.
And I lived in
a densely populated area of apartments....
My Will, my
Intention was also OFF THJE CHARTS.
YIKES!!!!!
I maintained
somehow,
I don't even
know how...
Will Mostly...
I didn't last
long.
Maybe 2
years...
The only way I
could survive..
Was by going
into the Light....
And I was a
Telephone Man..
Going into the
Light on the top of a Pole..
Wasn't
conducive to my health..
and it kept
happening
all by
Itslef...
I also was
working inside in "Frames".
Putting a new
Centrex in at Stanford University.
.
And here is
something Interesting...
I was working
with all these ,”Normal” humans,
keeping to
Myself mostly...
But then at
lunch one day this guy, I didn't even know him, they actually worked
out of Western Electric and I was Pacific Telephone...
But this guy
out of Nowhere asks me if I had read Carlos's books....
and that
flicked a switch...
I went back in
the dark behind the frames..
and Flashed OUT
into the Light.
I finally
gathered myself together and went into a bathroom stall..
I couldn't come
out of the Light...
They took me
home....
We were
recently married now and had an apartment...
When I finally
came back into my Body....HOLY SHIT!
What's all that
Noise...??
I went outside
because I felt like I was suffocating...
I was hearing
all these voices...and feeling all these different things,
not coming from
me..
Then I spotted
a woman at the end of the block....
my attention
went there and suddenly she was inside me....
she was having
a Hard Time....
They begged me
to come back to work because fact is I was the only doing anything...
and when I left they couldn't get the job done in time and it cost em
a Million bucks, literally...
But that was
NOT my Problem.
I had to quit
my job and move into a VW bus with my now wife...
as far from
humans as possible.
I also had this
ability to heal folks....
which was
pretty cool,
but Not.
Because the way
it worked was,
someone would
come into our camp..
And I was wide
open,
so it was like
all of their 'Stuff"
was inside of
me...
And generally
I'd like go into these
Kundalini
convulsions as I called them.
And the only
way I could get out of it,
was by going
Into the Light.....
And when I
did...
they were cured
and I wasn't convulsing any more...
Well you know
this society isn't set up to support folks just sitting up on some
mountain In the Light.
The medical
profession medicated me
which didn't
help much...
And I really
wanted to be part of the world...
or at least
felt like there were no other options...
So I made a
conscious choice.....
You see when we
are wide open
everything
comes in through our belly region.
Like for me,
near the base of the spine ..
And I found
that I could maintain my solidity
around
humans.... If I blocked that incoming energy,
where it came
in.
I had done it
at other levels up and down my spine but it caused immediate
problems,
but I found if
I blocked it before it came in...
I could Deal...
I knew
also that blocking energy...
.. is at the base of much disease...
(as is over
amplified energy).
But on that day
in the mid 70's I decided to attempt to become
part of the
world...
And I willfully
put an energetic block at the base of my spine...
I told my wife
that it'd be a problem in 20 years...
and in about
that time
I got cancer
(the oncologist
said it was a slow growing kind and probably took about 13 years).
It was more
like 20...
So I had that
cut out...
So for a very
long time I was pretty far from Normal...
all these
pieces I had incorporated back into my Tonal..
had NO ORDER...
All 3 of my
wives have said that they felt like I was “barely living in this
world” and that they felt I was like a balloon that they had to
keep a string tied to to keep me from Floating away.
So my Island
became cluttered with all this random stuff that I … had no use
for, and didn't make any sense to me...
I had all these
abilities....
that didn't
make life any easier...
So, I began
reordering my Island, for like 45 years...
so I could
throw all the crap back into the Ocean.
You see, you
can't get rid of it, until you put it in the proper order....
(A purpose for
Recapitulations)
And I somehow
managed to IGNORE all the stuff coming in for years, or swat it
aside....
and I started
to APPEAR fairly, “Normal”.
Until the Cabal
unleashed Hell upon Humanity,
and I couldn't
block or swat away, or pretend it wasn't there any more....
I feel EVERY
FREAKIN THING ….
When my wife
and son go to town,
I feel
everything that happens to them as it is happening...
When somebody
is driving behind me, or in front of me, or passing me in a car...
I feel their
….Stuff.
We recently had
a bunch of relatives visit....
THAT was
intense...
The Degree of
DISCONNECT now in the world is...
unbelievable.
People who once
had sought Freedom,
are now seeking
Security in their little Tonals....
Bolstering
themselves against a fabricated FEAR.
And it's EVER
PRESENT.
And one of the
Frequencies the Black Sorcerers are flooding humanity with right now
is one that say's, “If it is going to make ANYBODY
uncomfortable.... you better not go there....if you do you are a bad
person that doesn't care about other peoples Feelings... You know the
single thing that makes folks most uncomfortable more then any other
thing....
is THE TRUTH.
Humanity is
being programmed to
KEEP THE TRUTH
HIDDEN
at all costs,
because it
“just might offend some person”....
I have lived
my Life for Truth and Freedom...
and these damn
fools are gonna outlaw it if they can.
I mean can you
imagine the disarray my cords were in when I pulled that little
Humpty Dumpty Episode....
I can't even
Imagine...
My Teachers are
back....
but
whispering...
My Island was
littered with Jigsaw Pieces that had no mates....
It's hard to
order your Island when pieces are missing, and pieces that...you got
rid of Centuries ago are just laying here and there with no real
Connections...
My little Magic
turned me into a Living Ghosts' memory...
which
drastically impacted my Evolution...
But it is
weird, the Normal task for a Warrior is to put in order the pieces of
that JigSaw puzzle of their Tonal, so that they can then discard them
into the ocean.
And all those
pieces were put there in a certain order, and fit together in a
perfect evolution that was the Creation of that Tonal.
We dismantle it
in the opposite order...
But I have
pieces strewn all around, that don't fit with any other
pieces....that were not part of the sequential natural process of
building a tonal....but rather were pulled out of the air from the
orbit of My Construct....
in no order,
and with no natural connections...
I just woke up
in the middle of the night and realized I have left something
important out of this narrative that might help to Clarify some
things about the Nature of the cords, and who knows what else.
After my Humpty
Dumpty Episode my WILL, my Intent
was off the
charts.
I could do
Anything I willed.
Normal Laws of
the Tonal did not apply.
Gravity,
solids, time....
I could run on
walls and the ceiling, I could walk through walls,
I could
dissipate the atoms of a thing and make it, “Disappear”.
I was doing all
sorts of things just to see what could be done.
But then some
things happened....
The major one
was when I was driving back in the mountains and a Gang of Hells
Angels started hassling me.
They were
yelling and like making threatening moves on their motorcycles as if
to try and push me off the road..One guy pulls up alongside me and is
kinda scary... With my Will I threw him and his motorcycle off the
road... But not with any thought, it was automatic... Then another
guy right after him, flying through the air with his motorcycle, over
a guardrail and down the mountain...A third guy came and I caught
myself....this was all happening very fast... I threw him....just
under the guardrail.....
Holy Shit!!!
A lot of stuff
like this happened, automatically....with just the slightest amount
of...thought behind it....mostly driven by ...emotion.
If I Wanted
something....
it would
appear, almost instantly...
As it turns out
a lot of things we want....we do not need.
It got a little
too magical scary with the Instant Manifestation and the...moving
about of matter through space ...just from knee jerk reactions with
no thought behind it.
I just thought
of how when I put the Block at the base of my spine to ….keep
peoples cords out of me, I think this also helped stop these
instances.
I also made a
conscious decision to withhold my Intent....
To Desire
Nothing and Control nothing..
It was too
easy, too automatic and too freakin scary...
I just decided
to let Life bring me what I needed,
and not put any
of my own designs upon it...
I didn't try
and make anything happen in my life based upon what I thought I might
want at the time....
And in the next
40 some years only used it maybe 3 times in emergency situations....
And to my
surprise it still worked...
But Kind of
scary.
So this gives
something to ...Ponder.
What was the
condition of my cords that allowed this to be. It is our cords that
bind us to the Tonal....but I had Blown my Tonal apart with the too
frequent trips to the Nagual.... Then I gathered back Misc. off the
wall, out of order pieces of my far distant past and incorporated
them....
Then I ended up
Locking it all down by Blocking the cords point of entry.....
and was able to
function in the world of Humans, although my wives and folks that
,”Knew” me said,I was “barely in the world.”
And that is
True, I felt no attachment to the things of this world...
and things that
I knew....I couldn't even talk about because nobody would understand
me.
So I have
pretty much Faked my way through it all for a very long time....kept
the world at large Blocked at my belly as much as possible....
But I think it
was my Love for Humanity that, after certain global events of
Tyranny...and the all pervading FEAR it created in the masses, and
watching them Comply themselves into early graves.... And no longer
being able to Block the Incredible degree of the Astral Shitstorm
that the Black Sorcerers Created via the Fear they had instilled in
the masses, and the Division...and anger....
my Belly blew wide
open again.
The Black
Sorcerers now have technology to feed the Inorganic Beings that are
controlling the masses....
I have watched
so many people succumb, people I never thought would...
Freedom is the
Central Theme of my Life, but I learned a hard lesson that ….
bottom line is,
Freedom is NOT a personal matter.
We do not step
off into Eternity, in the end.....alone.
And yet every
day more people are being Locked Down into some Jail of Fear or anger
or division by the Doings of very evil sorcerers....
They have
humanity in mass acting against their own Freedom and self Interest..
Historically I
have been a Warrior,
Fighting these
evils that seek total Dominion over peoples Souls.
But you can no
longer EDUCATE people to Free themselves.
The Frequencies
of Bondage are literally Broadcast from 5G WI-FI towers are too
strong.
And the masses
are embracing their Lack of Freedom and wearing it like a Badge.
And I am wide
open again and Feel their Suffering...
but worse then
that I feel their ENTRAPMENT,
and their total
lack of desire for Freedom.
They just want
to be more SECURE in their little Tonal Worlds,
and blindly
accept what they are being told that they need to do this with.
So it's like
for the last 50 years I've had 2 states of Being.
Either NOT
CONNECTED to the cords of the Tonal....
or HYPER
CONNECTED...
and Neither
seems a viable option.