Coming Out of the Scary Weirdness Closet

"Coming out" of the Scary Closet... and Part One, the Blue Angel

I’ve been listening to my body lately, and acting on what I hear from it as much as possible. This listening has had many benefits, not the least of which is that my lifelong problem with non-stop acid indigestion/Gerd…. Is now healed. What brought me to that healing was simply facing some “truth’s “ about myself. These “Truths” I had pushed aside, suppressed….hidden within myself energetically….mostly so that I could maintain an appearance of “normal”.
So I have spent the greatest part of my life suppressing many parts of myself that didn’t fit into this “normal” definition…HE he, and I’m afraid that’s about the majority of who I am.
Well aside from this healing…or actually part of it, is a major energetic change in my body, and this is taking some getting used to.
I’ve always been a hyper dude, running on nervous energy…. I got a lot done, he he, sometimes to a super hero level…. I was always Flying.  And by the same token I was always two steps ahead of myself, pushing myself to the next point…pushing pushing pushing.   Always had things that needed to be accomplished….NOW, or yesterday….always pushing….
Well part of Healing my insides involved halting this process of always being 2 steps ahead of myself, and actually existing in the present.
This existing in the present has some noticeable side effects.  On one hand there is a greater Peace, but on the other is a greater sensitivity to energetic issues. One of these issues is my own personal Bio Rhythm that is a little strange. Here’s my natural rhythm: get up between 5-8 am, do some good hard work and eat breakfast at 9:30 or so. Then my energy totally bottoms out…… I actually for the last couple of days feel almost dizzy. Then about 1:00 PM my energy picks up again, and by 2:00 I’m full tilt boogie “getting her done”. This energy maintains until dinner around 6:00 pm…and then the energy picks up a couple of notches. By midnight I’m bench pressing the freezer, (or at least feel like I could)….and until 2:00 am I’m in a perfect Creative mode.
Well it’s 10:00 A.M. right now, I was going into my “Low” cycle and decided rather that push myself through it trying to “get something accomplished”, I decided to meditate. If my body wants me to kick back and relax, I should do that. So I went upstairs to meditate and after about 10 seconds I realized that for me to be “in balance” I have to be honest. I can’t suppress parts of myself because they freak people out… I have to be honest with at least myself about all aspects of who I am. So I felt compelled to start sharing some things about me that people don’t generally know…some things that might send some folks packin, and defriending me on Facebook, he he.. (it does happen when I get honest)…. But I somehow feel compelled to expose those things that I have kept hidden.  So I’m going to start doing that under the title of  “Coming out of the “Scary” Closet”.

“Coming out of the Scary Closet” Part One…. Meeting an Angel
When I was 8 years old we lived in Japan. We lived in a nice place, two stories, in base housing. It was like a neighborhood of two story buildings all connected together to form a square around a big Central grassy area.  There were lots of cherry trees out there and in Spring the air was like perfume.
Well one day I guess I did something wrong, and I was sent to my upstairs room. It was either late Spring or early summer because it was nice and warm. I loved the sound and feel of the oscillating fan that sat by the window. I sat there letting it wash back and forth across me, in AHHHHH. He he. Then suddenly there was this Blue Angel there in my room. She was larger than humans and very beautiful At first I thought to be scared…but that only lasted a millisecond. Then she talked to me. It’s hard to explain this, it was like suddenly we weren’t in the “normal” world. Everything was so much brighter. And it seemed like she spoke to me for a long time, but I can’t remember anything she said except a feeling that she was telling me some things about my life to come…and how to be. 
I don’t know if I told my parents about this or not, by 8 years old I had probably already been told that so many things I encountered were, ”just my imagination”.  ( I must have had one heck of an imagination because I remembered large portions of Life in a monastery in Tibet, and life as an Indian on the plains, and as a child being killed by Indians on our Homestead) and I imagined these things before I could even talk about them). But after we are told things that seem real to us aren’t real, by “grown-up’s” enough times…we sort of just push all those things into hiding.
Anyway that day, or actually the following day is one of my Brightest life long memories…..  So the next day was a beautiful warm day. I felt empty and full all at the same time. I felt like I was Breathing in the world, the trees, the sky, the smell of the grass, everything was so amazingly beautiful. I was only 8, but I just took off walking…no thought to where I was going, or parents being worried or anything. I crossed the quad and left the square of buildings and started walking over rolling hills of grass. I found what I guess was an old bunker then went down this concrete U shaped Drainage ditch ( I guess) that went into tunnels. I went into the tunnel (it had a huge metal grate that was pulled up by huge chains, like a castle door. I explored…  Then I wandered over these grassy hills. The sky was Robins Egg Blue with little puffy white clouds.  I came to the top of this hill and looked down the other side, and down at the bottom was the most amazingly beautiful thing.  There was this huge silk sheet, green like the grass and as big as maybe a half a football field. And all these Japanese people. (probably teen-age, or college age….were throwing this beautiful thing up, then running under it. It would just float down like a gentle cloud, and had all these puffy little rooms in it. I know because I ran down that hill, and ran under when they did…. It was an amazing time so full of joy and Bliss.  Finally I think some of the Japanese people became concerned about this little American boy off far away from any parents, and they started sort of pushing me to go Home…(This wasn't all that long after the War). Just about then I saw my Dad’s car pull up on the Hill. I think it was a 55 Chevy, maybe Blue like the angel…. I don’t remember exactly what transpired, but was surprised by my Dad’s actions. I think at first he wanted to punish me, but was just so happy that he found me..  I feel like the angel I met the day before had a lot to do with the journey I took that day…and it’s still one of the Brightest of my memories.
That was the First time I remember seeing that particular “angel”, though I’ve seen her many times since. In my life I have run across a few people where I could see her image superimposed upon their faces. Once I was traveling by myself for a short time (my first wife needed “space” so she could be boinking my best friend without me around getting in the way, and finding out about it…), so I took off on kind of a “vision quest”. The first day I met a girl under magical circumstances…. (Actually I’ll do a post about those days later…) and I kept seeing the angels face superimposed on hers, but I never said anything, not wanting my "weirdness" to show…. Then one day she showed me a picture she had drawn…it was the “angel”. I asked her what it was and she said that ever since we met she had seen this woman superimposed upon my face.  I still have that picture.

There is quite a story behind this Picture, and then meeting the "woman" in the Flesh that I'll write about later under the "vision Quest" section.
This is part One of my Hidden story, some following parts will be :
1.“ The Alien Encounter” .. which I can only talk about what happened afterwards because a long time ago I promised my Dad (after he showed me a half moon shaped scar that he got that night) I’d never bring it up around my Mom, and she reads my blog sometimes.
2. Meeting “the German” and building the machine that allowed plants to “talk”.
3. An Enlightening Experience and Meeting my Teachers
4. Learning to Die…    The astral plane journey
5. “Magic”, Traveling in Water, through time, moving through solid matter, dissipating energetic blueprints of thing.
6. Part one of the Vision
7. The Humpty Dumpty Episode (losing 30 years of my life)
8. The “German” Returns and shows me the Healing/Mind Control Machine.
9.  Vision Quest: Meeting Jill, The Angel in the Flesh, Bud , an amazing Wizard…
10. Part 2 of the Vision. Concerning the “Quickening” the 2012 event (that I still can’t believe happens in 2012, and the Reincarnation of “God” .




Here it is all in One Place.
"Coming Out" of the Scary Closet. Part 2 .Alien Encounter

OK, I can't say much about this because I promised my Dad I'd never mention the Alien Encounter to my Mom, ever....and sometimes she reads this blog, so I don't know how to proceed with unloading my closet...so to speak.  AHHH, I know.... Hey MOM, if you are reading this, stop here...don't read any further, Dad told me to never speak about this to you. It was on Middlefield Rd, I brought it up to Dad in the kitchen, and he pulled me a bit forcefully (which was not his style, and I was a grown man at the time.) And he took me out back on the little porch by the bathroom on the Feigenbaum side, and pulled up his shirt and showed me a half moon shaped scar that he said he got that night, then he said to never bring it up around my Mom again, then he said we needed to get back inside..  So Mom if you have read this far definitely stop now.
OK, for the rest of you... I don't know what year this was , before my 5th or 6th grade year. We were travelling in our old classic (not so much at the time) Pontiac. We were going through the desert in Southern Calif towards Arizona. We were driving at night because the desert was hot and the transmission in the Pontiac was messed up and I think it only had first gear or something, so basically we were crawling through the desert at night, us three kids asleep in the back.  I woke up and a huge white saucer shaped light was in front of the car...then it Zipped off to the left. I jumped up and rolled down the window... I was thinking, OK, does not compute...misddle of desert, no cars around, no lights around....is this some kind of reflection on the window from something I don't see?  So I roll down the window and it's still there, zipping so incredibly fast from one side of the horizon to the other....then zip zip and it's gone.  Well ol Jeffy here is jumpin out of his skin, Hey Mom, Dad...what the Hech, Wow, did you see that?? No real response... HELLO, they were sitting there kinda frozen like, not turning their heads or anything.  Then is scary voices they told me something along the lines of...Your imigiantion....go back to sleep.  They sounded like zombies...and it scared me.  Then we came to some little outpost that sold gas, it's like 2:00 am. My Dad gets out of the car and rustles up some woman to get us gas, and makes a phone call. I'm wondering who the heck he's callin here at 2:00 A.M.  Well my Dad is acting all weird and I ask him what's the matter, and he says something (that even as a kid by Bullshit! bells were ringin loud and clear, he said, OH, that lady was crazy.... Well that lady wasn't crazy, I was right there, she was perfectly fine, it was my Dad that was acting crazy...and my Mom was sort of frozen like a statue....  Well as I did with most of my significant life experiences I quietly filed it away under ," it's just your imigination"... so I could get on with a life of trying to be normal for folks.....
Well I'm afraid that didn't quite work out.  Now I just very recently put 2 and 2 together and realized that what I am about to tell you happened, started happening after whatever the heck happened in the desert that night.
I guess here is a good spot to mention that I've had a lot of dreams about being on an alien space ship....and being at some facility in the desert (that was made to look abandoned, but something weird was going on there)
So not long after school started, 5th or 6th grade. And I started dreaming things that would happen the next day, or seeing things happening somewhere else, in my head. Here's a couple examples. I dreamed that a whole bunch of kids at school got really sick, and it seemed like the school was practically empty. The next day a lg. % of kids did get sick. I didn't because I didn't have any money that day to buy cinnamon flavored toothpicks from the juvinile deliquent of the school, who I swear was in his 20's. Anyway he made some cinnamom toothpicks ( a big fad at the time)...and eveybody that had one got sick.  The next thing that hapenned was very horrible. I was sitting in class looking lovingly at the new girl, I even remember her name even though she was only in class for that day.... ( I should mention that I was pretty much in love with 99% of the girls in my class). Anyway I'k looking at this cute chubby little Mexican girl Martha who can't speak English (that was really cool).. And suddenly I see this guy shoot this woman, then stick the gun in his mouth and shoot himself. Well if this wasn't horrible enough, I was looking at Martha and she was looking at me when I was seeing this....and acting it out. I made my hand into a gun, shot someone with it, then put it in my mouth and pulled the pretend trigger. Looking into her eyes as I did it. Well I think that kind of put us both off a bit, then about an hour or two later the police came. At pretty close to the exact time I was performing my little skit for Martha, her Mother was being shot by here boyfriend, who then put the gun in his mouth, and shot himself.....  I never saw Martha again.   Well my life got stranger ....
A scientist who I called "the German" moved in and made himself comfortable in my head. He could fix anything electronic through me, and set me upon a path of Creating an amazing machine that allowed Plants to verbally express their emotion.... That'll be the next story.... This story has been one of the biggest mysteries in my life.

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 3.. Meeting “the German”


Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 3..
Meeting “the German” and building the machine that allowed plants to “talk”.
OK, fasten your seatbelts…It’s only going to get wilder and wilder…
So I’m not sure exactly how old I was when the Voice that I called, “The German”…or “the Scientist” appeared in my head. I think maybe 7th grade. Anyway this was a strange time for me..and a little hard to describe… There was this voice that had an accent (hence the name “the German” that appeared in my head. It was the voice of a scientist that was really pretty dang smart. He could fix anything electrical (through me), and knew a lot about organic functioning systems…(plants, animals, humans). Well now this is the weird part…I heard this voice with the accent….but I never HMM, considered it real exactly. I mean throughout my childhood of seeing angels and fairies and hearing music where other people didn’t, and remembering vividly past lives etc.etc.etc.…well I’d been told that things were my imagination…not valid, not real a gazillion times….so I learned to just quickly sweep them aside into some dark corner where I could pretend that they didn’t exist. But this German had a hold of my interests. I’ve been all about plant systems since I was 8, and anything scientific grabbed my attention (I was totally working on the 5th Ray back then…and it was a wonderful exciting ride…..) So I could pretend that there wasn’t this dude in my head speakin all kinds of crazy cool scientific stuff…and I sort of decided it was coming from me….and when the Scientist spoke to me I had to go deep to listen….and I called this, ”zoning out”.  And since I could put a label on it I supposed it would be more acceptable to the world in that context. So I spent a lot of time in this trance like “zoned out state”… and the funny thing is it didn’t seem to totally freak out my parents when I’D say, I was just “zoning out”.
So, back to the German…he seemed to have an agenda of some kind…he wanted me to build something very specific….. But never told me what it was.  I had built myself a “lab” out back.  I fixed TV’s and did stuff for money. My Dad worked at NASA and he got me some good deals on equipment (I got an oscilloscope, a Radio Frequency Generator, and a whole pile of other stuff in trade for fixing some scientist at NASA’s Color TV. In fact I could (thanks to the German) fix all kinds of things, just as easy as you please.  I also had a “Science kit of the month” thing my parents got for me for my Birthday I think… And I started building something. It was crazy, every piece of equipment that came my way, got worked into this “Machine” I was making. Now my Dad had brought me this plant that he said had been in Space…for tests or something. It was a very sensitive plant. It would withdraw if you would move forcibly towards it…or think, ”I’m going to tear your leaf”. It looked like it was in the grass/bamboo family.  Anyway I ended up putting an electrode (A needle attached to a wire) into it’s root….and when the machine was done… I hooked the electrode up to it.  Now if I was to think something like, “I’m going to tear your leaf, the oscilloscope hooked up to the machine would go crazy.. and the TV I was using for the final stage of the signals amplification through it’s speaker….. would let out a sound like a scream.  Woah, well I did a lot of tweaking and experimenting with ….. OK, I have to digress. The first time I went to test it my intention was to tear or maybe it was to burn the leaf…but as soon as I thought it….the plant screamed.. So I tested this torture upon the poor plant, never having to actually tear the leaf,. So I gotta say I was jumpin up and down excited because I had just invented a burglar alarm where you had a Plant standing sentry who would yell when you got within 30 feet of it.  Sooo cool. So I ran in the house so I could show my parents…. Then it felt kind of odd, like it did that night in the car when we had the encounter with the UFO.  And my Mom didn’t want to see the Machine… And my Dad seemed reluctant… It was weird… Anyway my plan was this: I had the Machine tuned perfectly and had tested it a bunch of times…and the deal was as soon as I stepped off the back porch which was about 30 feet from my lab…the Plant would start makin this hellacious sound…. The perfect burglar alarm. So I was going to stay on the porch and let my Dad walk over to it and experience it “going off”.  Well he stepped off the porch, took a step…no sound… Another step, no sound. “What the Heck”…another step, no sound.  When he was about a foot from the plant…it started screaming.  HMM, he stepped back and it was quiet…I stepped off the back porch and it started screaming….. I was puzzled, but still so excited because it worked and my Dad got to see it.  But it was that weird feeling like the UFO night, and he didn’t say anything….he just sort of looked like a zombie and walked back in the house…. I was crushed…..  The German scientist left my head at that moment…and I never did another thing in my lab.
( You’ll hear more about “the German” in a future episode, The German Returns and the Healing/Mind Control machine.)
Yikes, fleeting snatch of paranoia./.” will I get to tell that story?”

Wow, I think my Dad bought me my Drum set right after that... I forgot totally about the German..... but in very few years things would take another really.... wild turn.. with an enlightening experience that happened to me sitting on the side of a mountain that led me to my Teachers...and totally changed my direction.








Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 4
An Enlightening Experience and Meeting my Teachers.

So I went through High School. I was a nerd, pocket protector and all…skinny dork that had to keep hidden at school so some gang didn’t want to beat me up. School sucked. Freshman year was Hell, that summer I changed… I started pumpin iron, drinkin metracal…. I got really strong. So the next year the bullies were sayin stuff like, “hey Wilson, is that you?, you got strong. I set all kinds of records in PE…insane like 90 situps in 60 seconds, I could do pull-ups all day (of course it helped that I was so small and light…) I made it to my senior Year. Viet Nam was going on… I began to see the games myself and my friends were playing…just stupid ego stuff, I kind of drifted away from my friends and got quiet and reflective. Janis died and my heart was breaking…and then Janine walked across the Quad.. Blond frizzy hair that looked like Janis’s….no bra, cute titties bouncing up and down (hey, I’m being honest here…cut me some slack)… I was instantly is love. This ex nerd just walked up to her and introduced himself. Then we kind of became stuck like glue. I graduated early…they made up a class so I could graduate early…(I think they wanted to get rid of me now, long haired hippy type now) And I had a job waiting for me at the phone company that I’d been training in school for.  I was outa there. Not too long after this I cruised up into the Santa Cruz mountains… I got out and walked up Mount Helen, or Ellen… I think Helen. Anyway I got to the top and sat down. I looked around and it was sooo beautiful that I had the following process happen: I started to cry from the Beauty and the desire to keep that beauty with me all the time. Then this voice comes in my head and say’s , “take a picture of it with your mind…make your mind a camera of this moment and take in that whole Picture….. And THEN IT HAPPENED. Jeff was gone….there was nothing but this Blissful White Light…..And then I felt myself again….but not in my body, but rather it felt like I was the perimeter of Creation itself, looking back in upon myself….which was everything…. And what it looked like was this almost infinite Web, like a spider web made of all these golden cords…and the intersection of each cord was a human or an animal, or tree, or whatever…. Then I was in the Light again….. Then I was sitting on the side of the mountain feeling a whole new energy….feeling like a totally different person…and now suddenly I could “feel” all the plants and trees around me…like I could feel like they felt…. And it was like I was being drawn somewhere…and I ended up in a bookstore called the Plowshare in Stanford…in the back room called “the Seed Center”.  I walked over to the shelves and picked out a book that was literally glowing…. I looked at it and it was called, “A Treatise on White Magic” by Alice Bailey, then I saw another book glowing and picked it up, It was Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrines translated by Evans/Wentz, then I saw a third and it was “This is Reality” by Roy Eugene Davis, it was a translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.  
I went home, or maybe to work (I worked split shifts) anyway I didn’t get a chance to check them out and went home and to sleep.
Well that night I had one dream, it lasted all night, and it was unlike any dream I had ever had before. I was in this place that was all White, it was almost as bright as when I had gone into the Light when I was on the mountain. And I was standing in front of a very tall man in white Robes…everything was white…in fact every time I tried to look at his face, I’d be back into the Light like when I was on the mountain.  I finally quit trying to look but focussed on his hands, and paid attention to what he was saying…This went on all night. The next day I read from those three books, and what I read was everything that I was told the night before. And these were instruction on ways to meditate. And I practiced what I learned in my dreams then read in those books.…and it was as easy as breathing.   And this went on night after night after night. And then in the daytime, even when I wasn’t asleep…there were a few “Teachers” always with me, and in every situation guiding me….yet like with the “German” I was in the experience but all the while denying it and pushing it aside.  Well I learned a lot of wild and crazy stuff from these Teachers. It just started with Contemplation, of “becoming” that which I focused upon…and of going in to the Light and just staying in that Bliss as long as possible…and every time I came out of that I was a little changed…actually a lot changed. These teachers had what they called ,”the rule of Three”. And this basically stated that of these things they were showing me I could only “do” each three times, no more. Their reasoning was that humans are very habit orientated…and we use habits to lock ourselves into a description of the world that is most comfortable. They didn’t want me to even live in a description of the world any more. (Humans don’t really live in what is, they live more in what they think…and feel …is…. More in a description of the world. So they had this rule of three so I wouldn’t become too attached to any of the cool stuff they were showing me, and in so doing get comfortable in a description…and not be able to go to the next thing they had in mind to show me.  Some of the wild and crazy stuff: The first thing I learned was that ANYTHING was possible if we could focus our Intention…and attention, so I focussed on all sorts of crazy stuff. I traveled down the drain with the water, with Janine sitting there in case I needed help coming back…. The experience was like being laughing blissful blue white bubbly…. And I was hearing all the different people in their apartments…but then I recognized the voices of people across the street. I was getting to be everywhere that the water could go…then I sort of freaked out, “can I get back to my body”?!!! Janine didn’t know I was freakin out…. Then a strange thing happened…. The faucet turned itself off. (OH yeah, I had my head in the sink with the water running…contemplating that ).  And I was instantly back in my body. Well that night I did 2 more things with poor Janine there along for the ride. I took us into a mirror where we could see past lives reflected…then I spread out the atoms of this Tree Branch I had made into a sculpture and made it “disappear” for a few moments….. And she was out of there. A few days later she shows up at my apartment with two guys, she’s bringing me back my engagement ring…. I was running literally on the walls and ceiling. She told me later that I had pretty radically freaked those guys out.  I did this other crazy thing… (and I have to say all these things might sound wild, but they were so easy once I was able to “contemplate”. )
I decided to walk through a solid door. It wasn’t that big a deal, just contemplate down to the atomic level, upon the door, and myself…and will myself through the door by first synchronizing my vibration with the doors. Anyway I found myself “stuck” in the door, it was like once I merged the atoms I suddenly …well my focus shifted…and I was stuck. One of my teachers somehow got me out….. I learned “yoga of the Dream state” which was a very simple exercise that had the side effect of making me dream the following day in it’s entirety… That led to a day of total déjà vu with every single movement. (These are all stories in themselves but I’m trying to keep this concise so folks don’t have to be reading on and on and on. ) I practiced “yoga of the psychic heat” which made it so I could sit without clothes in the freezing cold, and be toasty.  Every day there was some new cool experience, or meditation style. They wanted to show me as many paths as possible.  Then they started showing me the Death experience. They took me through the process, minus cutting the silver cord that holds us to our bodies. I saw Heavens and Hells and other things I’m not going into here that I call “constructs” which are a spiritual reality that haven’t gotten a lot of, or any Newage Press he he. But you know they didn’t observe the rule of 3 here, I’m pretty sure we did that little journey dozens of times…I’m not going to go into that here…but that is also a story in itself…death is quite the trip, and they were teaching me …well as it turns out, reminding me of …. The best way to approach that process.  Basically teaching me “How to Die”.  I learned a lot from that part of their teaching.
I was going in to the Light all the time, and changing enormously…
I learned how to travel on the astral plane…and learned how to find the answer to any question that I seemed to have, by going to what I called the “Archetype” plane. Which is like where the seeds of what we know exist, and where answers are seen so clearly just through moving symbols. In fact it could be said that the answer to any question we have concerning the nature of Life and reality, exists right before the intention of the Question….. this might sound cryptic, but it’s a pretty hard core esoteric truth. And one day I took the question, “What is God and what are we doing here?, to the archetype plane and had a vision that has answered every question I’ve ever had. ( A puppy was biting my finger and the vision ended.. I had the final part of the Vision maybe 7 years ago…it completed (that’s another story )
and I’ll leave you here with one of the most valuable lessons those teachers gave me:
OK, when you go into the Light it has a slight side effect. It exposes parts of ourselves that we have suppressed…hidden, things that we have defined as “darkness”…scary things that can make us look like the fools we are, if they are exposed….and they are exposed.  So I was driving along reflecting upon my infinite stupidity….and it was extremely painful (hey did I already write about this…OH well, it bears repeating if so.. So here I am reflecting on that infinite stupidity because every day it’s like hyper evolution, like getting in lifetimes worth in a few hours…and so whenever I see these things I feel small and stupid…and I don’t like that much so I say out loud…. “I don’t want to have to see these things about myself….maybe I should quit meditating, quit going into the Light.” Then the Teacher who was sitting on that VW bug seat there next to me who I was of course in denial about said this,” You are not the person who you see when you look in the mirror….that is the past. You are the person who is looking (and unfortunately judging). Shift your perspective from what you are looking at, to the one who is doing the looking…. That is your Truth.
Holy major change Batman.  That changed everything and I got on the fast track. You see my intention was to be “totally Free”, to reach Enlightenment and be able to stay and function in my body, while being in the Light. So I (against my Teachers …..suggestions and what felt like pleas…. started meditating all the time. I was doing Kriya, which is very powerful Light meditation, that you really should start slow with.. 
Well that was sort of a short version. There were meetings with one teacher in the desert… that were , well very intense, and I don’t think I’ve quite incorporated those lessons yet.
Well not long after there was another major shift… I did something magical…and very dumb that took me over 20 years to recover from. I call that my ,” Humpty Dumpty Episode…because all the Kings Horses and All the Kings men, couldn’t put Jeffrey together again….only a lot of time….


Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 5
The Humpty Dumpty Episode.

Well here comes another very drastic Change.   I realize some folks reading this could be on the verge of “Normal”, and this all can sound pretty crazy weird..but I also know that there are those of you who know exactly what I’m talking about.  Well if your on the verge of normal it’s going to get difficult ahead….
OK, I was an Aires meditator… I was Super Meditator. Meditation Man….I was meditating all night long, and even meditating while I was at work. I learned dozens and dozens of Pathways to the Light. Every one was an amazing adventure that I could do three times… For those who know what I’m talkin about I was working heavily on the 5th Ray, and Janine had a very magical part of that.  She was like a channel for questions that gave me places to go to get the answers…and allowed me to poke a lot of holes of Light in my casual body.  It worked out pretty good that this was the early 70’s because so many of the folks I worked with were stoned in one form or another…While they worked….. so here I am getting higher than all of them, Naturally…. So I fit right in…
Yeah, I do want to mention this here, cuz I can see how folks might be thinkin I was doing a bunch of drugs and trippin my butt off, sure sounds like it… But no, some Hells Angels once picked me up hitchhiking, gave me a ride to Big Sur, set me up with a pre boom box 8 track stereo with Jimi playin, and the Moody Blues…and gave me a hit of windowpane… It was nice , took me to the Light just like meditating…. But I could see… how it would be easy to be forced into some “side track” and I learned to avoid those, so didn’t choose to partake, yet used it as an excuse for being “how I was” many times…he he.
I was living with Janine’s family in Milpitis at one end of the Bay Area, and commuting twice a day to the other end, in Redwood City.  So one day in between shifts I’m sitting in my Girlfriends living room meditating. There was a fly flying and I saw it’s whole life, and suddenly hmmm,
……OK, I have to stop censuring myself….
Suddenly I was in the Light, with my eyes open…in the world.
And it was as if  Everything forever was inside of me.
I closed my eyes and found myself at this Place I call ,”God’s doorstep”
This is a place where I’d been many times,
 right before I would Let Go into the Light..
I imagine this is a well documented part of the Experience ( of going into the Light)
But this time was different.
This time I felt the Possibility of doing it permanently.
Jumping off and Just Being the Bliss Forever.
But then my teachers showed me something I don’t think they’d bothered to mention previously to Meditation Man ta ta ta daaa.
They made me see that that final step into “the Light”
We don’t make in a solitary way.
I’d been meditating my Butt off  headin to that goal… then found out….
Sorry, you don’t pass alone….
CRAP!!! DOUBLE CRAP…
I say that because in that moment of realization I felt an infinite “Aloneness”.
I felt like all those others I’d be Going into It with….
Were a lifetime away….
I had no doubts about the Group..
I’d started seeing them in “the White Hall” which is what I ended up calling that place I went in my dreams every night. ( Because everything was White Light…and it felt like a huge Hall…he he)
It just wasn’t going to come together on this level…. For a long long time..
And I felt so totally alone…
Like I was the only one in the center of the universe.
And at that exact moment Janine walked in the front door.
Now remember I said I was timeless, Well things “look” different when you are timeless…you see a lot more stuff.  So when Janine walked in the front door I saw her consciousness move out toward me…and mine move towards her….then at the moment they met in the middle of the room…. She started hysterically crying… Then, like I had seen the whole life of that fly a few moments ago, I saw her whole life…forward and backwards. I saw it in the form of the choices she would have to make… and I saw the choices that kept her best evolving….. It was amazing, I felt such a joy because I could help her with her choices in such a way as to make her path flow…..
But now she was hysterically crying.
And keep in mind that I was just experiencing ultimate lonliness….
And she say’s,” I want you back the way you used to be”.
That brought the question into my mind…
And I saw what might be a way….
Yes, it was possible to go back to who I was.. I decided I could probably do that..
My Teachers were …well, yelling at me… “Don’t do it….”
But I ignored them.
So I asked Janine,” Will you come to the Light with me?” (Because I could see her obstacles to that and help her get past them”), this was my thinking anyway. She said ,Yes, that’s what she wanted….
Now the “method” was to go onto the astral plane and gather the shed skins of my construct (I realize this sounds like gobbeldy gook), I just don’t know if I want to explain it r…..OK, There is this thing that humans have that I call a “construct”.  It is astral and mental in nature and is built upon all the energy that had gone into “defining” the Human. One of the Laws that governs Life in this Creation is the Law that Energy (of thought and emotion) is the fuel that drives Manifestation. Energy follows thought….and manifestation follows a maintained energy. The amount of energy that had defined us through all our lifetimes has no choice but to manifest…and this manifestation is like an energetic reflection of our soul.  It’s like our soul in almost every way, except that it lacks a motivation that is central to itself, but rather is created upon “outside” energy.  Anyway we all have this construct that is magnetically attached to us, that in a sense is “ourselves” yesterday. And this “construct” can be seen “behind” us on the astral plane. And in between us, and it can be seen what I call “the shedded skin of the construct”.. The shedded skin is “stuff” that we resolved and let go… lessons we learned and don’t need to carry around any more.   Limitations we once had before we evolved beyond them and let them go… Well all these things sort of “fall off” of us on an astral level, and can be seen as this “shedded skin”.
So here is the plan…. I go out there and just gather back that shedded skin.
Well there are Laws that govern the astral plane, and a major one says that , Where you put your attention…and intention…you will go. I learned this about the Heaven and Hell Realms when going through the death process.  (The astral plane is where much of the death process takes place….Heavens and Hells are astral in nature and have their existence on the astral plane.)
Anyway so I went out on the astral plane and “looked back” at my construct and the “shedded skin”, and just that action pulled them back into me.  So I was like this astral vacuum cleaner, flying around my construct, vacuuming up all the pieces of shedded skin. When I got them all collected I went back to my body….
YIKES !!!!
My teachers were gone…..
I could no longer see in a timeless way.
I suddenly saw the punchline of this cosmic joke,
“ We make ourselves in a particular order…
this order of things is how we grow and evolve and become who we are….
There is a particular sequence of things in a certain order…that makes us who we are….
And what I just did, was collect all those old pieces of myself…. Totally at random…in no real order……
Not a good idea.
The first thing I noticed was I was feeling Janine and hearing her thoughts… But not just her’s…the guy next door, and the guy next door …we were in a freakin apartment…and I was feeling and hearing everyone within about a square mile I finally figured.  (Testing it on a woman I could see way down a straight street) … Yikes….
 Well I maintained as best I could…. Which I don’t think was all that well. Janine and I got married, got a nice little apartment…. Where I could hear and feel all the neighbors…like all of them were inside of me…
Holy Crap Batman
I was working at Stanford for the Phone Company, got moved inside off the poles except for one day a week when I did Line repairs.  Well another side effect of this Humpty Dumpty episode was that I kept going into the Light…at very inconvenient times, Like at work, like on top of a telephone pole.  And one day I kept going into the Light and managed to make it into a bathroom stall…. But not out of the Light…… And folks began to wonder…and finally came to see….and finally someone gave me a ride home…… So now I was either always in the Light, or always had a whole mess of folks inside of me…and some of them were very sick, or mentally confused, or had major infirmities….and I felt all of it like it was me……
Get me outa here.

We ended up living in our VW van as far from humans in the woods as we could get….
Then when people would come into our camp….who had some infirmity, or mental condition….I would sort of go into convulsions….. it was like all this crap was bangin around inside of me… So I had to go into the Light to be OK….. And it was cool because the persons “problem” was also fed by the Light, and they were healed… But the experience wasn’t “good” for me…..
Well life was difficult…but interesting……..
I found a method to block my sensitivity….
And I knew that the block would cause me some serious trouble if I had to maintain it for long….. 
But I felt like I had no choice… I had to be in the world with people… I had to function in society….and the only way I knew…and my Teachers were out of reach…this was possible was by putting in an energetic block to “keep out” everything I was tuning in to.   Well I never figured out a good method, so held the block for 20 years until it gave me Cancer….
I lost my ass on that deal…
So the moral of this story is,”
Don’t ever try to be,
 who you used to be,
for somebody else….
you could lose your ass in a deal like that.
It took me over 20 years to pick up Humpty Dumpty’s pieces and put them back together again…
(So I could once again throw them away…..)
And Taryn has yet to ask me to “go back to who I was yesterday”, and I appreciate that more than anything..



Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6   A very Magical journey. Section A Jill and PackRat.


Imagine you are a King, in a Land Ruled by Fear.
You build a tall castle to protect yourself.
But the wall is solid and there are no windows.
The roof tops are pointed so no one can climb on them
And the King hides in this castle
All the time wondering ,”what lies beyond” the walls.

This was our life for some time…
Janine’s and my path were moving apart.
She “wanted some space” so we got her an apartment and I hit the road.
Our VW bus was upgraded to an old motothome…27 feet,
 I had power wherever I went so could do my artwork, which we were selling for money now.
 So I could be anywhere and create stuff….
 I took off for a place that had always been very magical for me; Plaskett Creek.

So the King of the Land ruled by fear was set free to Fly.
I got to the camp that night… but was still living in the Land of Fear .
I turned on my burglar alarm and locked the door and proceeded to go to bed.
Something told me that there was only one way I was going to survive in the near future…
and that was if I gave up my Fear..
I contemplated this for a moment. And thought of how I wasn’t afraid of dying..
And the probability of something “good” happening was just as probable as something “bad” happening. … And I knew that I had to just drop my Fear…
And I did, and I turned off my alarm, unlocked my door and opened it, with just the screen door keeping out the bugs…and I went to sleep.
In the morning I got up and looked outside under my canopy there were some back packs piled up…HMMM.???
I went out and looked around but didn’t see anyone.
Well there is a little crag there…a rocky hill covered in poison oak crisscrossed with deer trails that led up to a point that overlooked the whole shoreline for many miles, and also overlooked the whole camp below.  Whenever I come here I run up the deer trails and meditate on the little peak there.  So I decided to repeat this ritual and suddenly was re-united with an old friend I used to do this with. His name was Friend, he was a German Shepherd…He was the alpha male of a small pack of dogs. Years before we saved him (I’m sure)..he came into our camp half dead, sooo skinny and literally covered in ticks that looked like he was wearing a pinto bean suit… That’d be funny if it weren’t so gross.
Anyway we nursed him back to health, took off all the ticks…. Then whenever we came to that camp in many future times, he always found us…sometimes he was solitary, other times had a pack.  Today he had a pack and it was exhilarating running up these very steep deer trails with him and his pack…all the while avoiding the poison oak.  AHHHHHH.  We got to the top and Friend sat beside me like he always used to and I got ready to meditate.  But looking down I saw 3 guys walking on top of the bluffs that overlooked the beach.  Two of the guys were heading back in the camp direction, another one went to the cliffs. I saw him going to this spot where there was a little plaque where some dog had fallen to it’s death.  It was a really high straight up and down cliff with jagged rocks below.   Then I saw the guy JUMP OFF THE CLIFF.  Holy Yikes!!!! So I take off flying down the rocks, a little out of balance…. Stir up a nest of bees, get attacked, then bit…all on the run. Stop and grab some mud from the road and smear it on my bites and take off running towards the beach. I see two guys crossing over into the camp, I run across the highway, and see the third guy…PHEW, how did he do that, I saw him jumping off the cliff…and there was nothing that could have stopped his fall except jagged rocks maybe 40 feet below… I turned back and walked towards camp.
Well about 7 years prior to this I first found myself at Plaskett Creek. It was before Janine and I  got married, actually right after she gave me back my ring when I was running on the walls and ceiling. I was on vacation from my job at the phone company, and hitchhiked down the coast. Anyway that time 7 years before this I met a girl at that camp, she was from Canada. ( She wanted me to go to Mexico with her and her Dog Bush.) She was sitting next to her VW bus playing a flute. Well now 7 years later I’m walking through the same camp I had met that girl in, and sitting there on the ground was a girl playing her flute, same exact spot as the girl seven years before.
She had black hair and a long flowing skirt and a mans shirt on. She smiled up at me and had twinkling eyes. She talked just like that girl seven years ago and kept talking about living in the Bush (which was the previous girls dogs name)….Wayyy to trippy.   She got up quietly and walked with me back to my camp. She was from Canada, her name was Jill Marion. She felt very comfortable to me, like some old friend….AND when I looked at her I saw this woman’s face superimposed upon hers… Freaky, better check it out.  We got back to my motorhome and the three guys were there. They had a big old 45 pistol and were shootin it in the bushes.  One of the dudes seems to know me, then he tells me who he his.  That was you Bob Baker during some short and radical biker redneck period or something. I couldn’t believe it was you. (previously a mild mannered hippie travelling jeweler who we toured shows with). Now he was with two guys shooting off a huge gun in my camp.  Well we said our how do you do’s and such and Bob had to leave.  The other guys asked if they could leave their packs in my camp and I said sure then they headed off to the beach. Jill and I talked.  We talked the same language…. I never knew anyone who knew what I was talking about when I talked about what really mattered to me…she knew…  She asked if I was hungry, then went into my motorhome and made something incredible…some bread with sunflower seeds in it that she baked, and all kinds of good stuff. Well after a while the two guys who left their packs came back and asked if they could sleep under the canopy that night…sure. Then three Indian guys came into the camp…We had a fire going, and Jill had a big stew. Some “normal” guy even came and sat by the fire, brought his leftovers and threw them in the pot. Everybody ate.
Now there was a guy there.. the one who jumped off the cliff. He was no ordinary dude. His eyes shined like tiny suns were in them…. I knew there was something special about him, and I felt like we were communicating on some alternate higher frequency of consciousness or something. Anyway he went by ,”Packrat”.  The “normal guy” asked him how’d he got that nickname. Pack rat said, Somebody tell me something that you really want right now. One of the Indians said they’d like a big juicy steak. Packrat twirls around and pulls a raw huge steak out of his long coat…. Some other guy pipes up that he wants some specific camera and goes into all the details about it (all Greek to me), but Packrat twirls around and pulls this camera out of his coat.  Were all a might dazed to say the least. “Anybody else” Packrat says.  Somebody said that they wanted a “lid”.  Which is what an ounce of marijuana was called in those days.  Packrat walks back into the bushes behind our camp…He’s gone for quite some time… I begin to wonder if he left, then he wanders back into the Light of the campfire.  Somebody asked if he had to go far to find it, and he said, no…he had it all along, just needed to go into the bushes to take a pee..
Well I guess maybe it started to rain.  So I invited everyone inside my motorhome and put Hendrix on the 8 track blasting.
Now this whole time Jill was quietly sitting carving a chunk of Serpentine that can be found there. ( I still have the carving…an eagle flying over mountains)…
. I went over and asked if all these crazy and some outwardly scary guys made her nervous, and she said that no, she knew how to make herself invisible….and she literally could.  It wasn’t that if you looked in her direction there would be nothing there…she’d be there, but her image didn’t illicit a mental or emotional response…it was really cool to observe.  Well I was sittin in the back of the motorhome across the table from Jill. There was probably ten of us in there, the music was blasting and you couldn’t hear the person next to you talking…. However sitting in the very far front of the motothome, as far away from me as he could be…. Was Packrat. In between us eight or nine people trying to talk over Jimi playing voodoo child. And there sat PackRat, lookin right at me and it was like even way over there and unable to hear anything in between us, he whispered to me…and I heard all his words crystal clearly, like they were spoken in my head. He had been he said studying with Don Juan in Mexico….
WHAT ???? I never heard of anyone called Pack Rat in Carlos’s books….. But the stuff he was saying, and the things I saw him do made me believe….
Well Jill slept in the motorhome with me in the other bed, everyone else was outside under the canopy….
The next day came and I wanted to be alone with Jill…and she with me, there was a tension to get on with whatever was going on between us. So we took off and headed down the coast. ( I still have some cassette  tapes we made during our travels….secretly taped conversations that we both caught each other on….some radical 12 string jamming with the birds…etc). So we headed down the coast.  I was doing some beading and jewelry projects.  She was drawing a picture that she didn’t want me to see until it was done.  Finally it was done and she showed it to me.

   Yikes and double Yikes. It was the face I saw superimposed upon hers…the face of that Blue Angel I met when I was 8 years old.  I asked her what was this and she told me that when she looked at me…she saw this face. I still have the picture she drew that day over 30 years ago.
So WOW!!!
We were both voraciously talking to each other about things we’d never been able to tell anyone. We traveled together for a few days on the coast, then inland, then back to the coast…and then to a very magical place…and on to meet the Woman in the Drawing.. but it’s getting late and I have an early day tomorrow, so I guess I’ll continue in part 6 section B. later.



Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section B A Powerful place of Fairies and Strange things…

So Jill and I traveled. We did art work by day, and drank a little too much Southern Comfort by night. She cooked amazing meals and I played the guitar like never before.  Finally I was getting low on money so we went into a town called King City and I called Janine. I asked her to drive down on the weekend and bring me some money and pick up stock I’d been making to put in some stores we were in back in the Bay Area, and one down in Hollywood. She said she’d see if she could make it, maybe if she could find somebody to come with. (little did I know she was shacking up with my “best friend”, that’s what she had ,”needed space” for he he). So I told her we’d meet her back at Plaskett Creek. Jill and I headed up over the mountains, through a military reserve called Hunter Liggitt Military Reserve. I’m not sure what they were doing there on that reserve but it was disturbing to see some of the results. On the way through we came across a lot of cows that were blind, in fact one had gotten all tangled up in some lines that were hanging down from a pole, and had walked around the pole until it was almost hanging itself. It was a calf, and as it’s “family” watched I struggled to get it free.  We also saw an eagle flapping around on the ground that looked like it was blind as well.  We headed over the mountain making a note of a place we’d like to camp in the future.  Well Janine showed up with very little money and my good friend Steve, and a dog named Liebe.  She didn’t have much money for me, said our stores weren’t selling much and that she had used it all to pay bills. ( As it turned out the stores were doing quite well and the Bills were not getting paid…but my “best friend” (By)  her boyfriend, un be knownst to me it seems had a speed habit).  Well I guess Janine got jealous that Jill was travelling with me, even though it was totally platonic….and even though Janine was sleeping with my best friend back home….it was too much for her ego and that night she slept with me and we had sex for the first time in a couple of years…. WHOOPIE !!! I liked that. She said she wanted me to come home…..in two weeks.  What ! why two weeks?  Well, “she just needed a little more time”. Well I guess having that rare episode of sex kind of like hypnotized me and I said YEAH, I couldn’t wait. Well  she and Steve left. Steve seemed to be falling in love with Jill, and said he wanted to come back next weekend. We told him we saw a camp over the mountain where we wanted to go and gave him directions. Then we headed over there.
Well this place we saw was in the Los Padres National Park, on the edge of that military reserve. It was on a beautiful little river (full of trout), and was hot and had a lot of edible plants growing there so we took this 27 foot motorhome down over a sand bank and parked it right next to the river and set up our camp. Liebe was with us now and she and I took off exploring.  The area was kind of like high desert, with lots of sagebrush and small oak trees and Manzanita.  Well just when we …..OMG, I just remembered something that I never figured out before…Woah…… well we’ll get to that. So right when were getting ready to leave camp this huge buzzard flies down and sits in a tree just maybe 10 feet from me….then it kind of hops/flys a few feet to the next one. It seemed like we should follow it, and we did. We followed it for about a mile, then it went down into this little draw….and I was getting this intense scary vibe and the dog was Barking like it was seeing a ghost or something.  I wanted to follow the buzzard..(oh, there was something about that buzzard, it had the “speed” feather on one wing broken at a 90 degree angle). Well I was standing there trying to decide if I was going to follow, with the dog barking and this negative vibe) when I heard Jill screaming way back at the camp.  I took off running, crossed the river and found her inside the motorhome…. What’s wrong!?  “We’re out of flour” she said….. What! Quiet mild mannered Jill screaming like she was being murdered, because we were out of Flour… Whatever. Now what I just remembered was this. An old guy who was fishing showed up in our camp…he was carrying a big gun on his hip so we questioned him about it.  Well it seems that there had been a bunch of murders in the area, some mass murderer was on the loose and killing folks in that general vicinity….AND the area was crawling with rattlesnakes. He had on knee high boots and was totally blown away by the fact that we were running around barefooted.  Well it seems he owned a Truck Towing business….after we fed him a good lunch of Poached trout (not poached as in a style of cooking, but poached as in no fishing license and out of season trout). ( I’d wondered why folks were honking and yelling out the window at me something about the long strand of fish I was proudly carrying as I walked back to camp that morning down the road…they seemed angry and weren’t yelling praises about my fishing ability) Well anyway he looks at where I had the motothome parked and determined that there was no way in hell I’d ever get it out of the sand pit I’d pulled it down in to, he gave us his card and said when we decided to leave, he’d pull us out for free.  Cool.
Well later that day a Ranger comes into our camp. The fishing poles were leaning against the motorhome and the fridge was full of fish.  He tells us that it isn’t fishing season…..ignores the fishing poles and says if we happen to see anyone fishing to let them know it isn’t season and that they’d need a license if it was… Cool dude. He asked if he could haul away our garbage, took it, and left.   Well we ate lunch and I decided to go explore in another direction, leaving Liebe with Jill for a watch dog.  There was some old mining road or something that went back into the hills in the blazing heat. I started walking.  Now, ever since I was a kid I’d seen Fairies…and this little troll like dude that followed me everywhere we had moved to until I was in the fifth grade and I chased him through the house one day, shooting at him with my bee bee gun as he ran through a closed sliding glass door.  He was on one side one second, and the other side the next second….. too bad I can’t say the same thing about the bee bee I attempted to shoot him with, that left a nice little hole in the sliding glass door. (that’s the true story Mom, not whatever I told you at the time). That was the last time I ever saw that little dude, or heard the music that always accompanied him.
Anyway I had always seen fairies, but as I grew up they no longer had human characteristics. They were now like….hmmm….like a bunch of little stars…like a mini solar system.  Now here is an interesting thing about my experiences with Fairies. If you want to attract them….take a pee in the woods. I don’t know what it is, I think it’s the sound….but it always draws them.  Anyway I came to this place that overlooked this valley…maybe I took a pee, but I suddenly realized I was surrounded by Fairies. It was insane, in the middle of the day ( I usually only saw them at night since I’d grown up, since I saw them as these little galaxies of light, I think daytime sort of made them hard to see….but not now, the whole valley was full of them, and aside from that there was this gridwork of light (as best as I can describe it) It was like some kind of …web/blueprint of the same kind of light that the fairies were made of… Very interesting.  Well I kept walking and came down into a little draw…..and was instantly freezing cold….even though it was at least 100 degrees outside. I remembered what Don Juan said about, ”the spirit of the water hole” and figured that was what I was feeling…I imagined a little creek would be here in the winter.  Anyway I looked up out of this draw and quite a distance away on top of a hill I saw something glowing.  It was a bright golden light, so I headed in that direction. By this point I had walked a long time in the blazing sun without water and I was tired and very hot. Well I got up to the top of the hill and saw what was glowing.  It was strange, it was the stalk of an agave flower, long dead and silver gray in color….but there was no mistake that it was glowing. It was about 8 feet tall and 2 ½ inches in diameter. I got out my knife and cut it off and decided I’d better get heading back to camp, as I was totally exhausted and thirsty, I felt like I was going to faint, but really wanted that glowing stalk. So I cut it off and put it on my shoulder like someone carrying a spear…. Then something amazing happened. It was as though the stem was carrying me back to camp, like it was pulling me along….like I was weightless and I felt like my feet were barely touching the ground( and that’s not just an expression here, it really felt as though I was flying along being pulled by this agave stalk).  Well it carried me back towards home base and at one point we came to the top of a hill and I decided to meditate for a moment. Then I saw this “wind” , it was like a little cyclone that was moving around in the valley below…it felt like it was looking for something…. I yelled out and it made a bee line for me from way across the valley. It’s direction totally changed and it headed straight for me.  I remembered something Don Juan said (though can’t remember it now, but just before it got to me I yelled,:”change my direction”….  When it hit me I spun around a few times…… it took off and I headed back to camp all excited to tell Jill about my magical little trip and show her the Agave stem.
We stayed in this camp for a while, took  a shower under a little waterfall, Jill showed me how to wash clothes on rocks, and I did a lot of jamming with some birds and my 12 string… At some point, probably the next weekend, Steve shows up at our camp. I guess my time to be going home to my philandering wife was getting near.   There is something I’m not remembering….. I think it has to do with me being an asshole, and hurting Jill.  Anyway Steve shows up…. I can tell he likes her, I’m thinking, Good, hope you guys have a wonderful life….I’m going home to my wife…… But one last night here and Steve was going to take Jill back to Palo Alto and put her on a bus back to Canada.  ( Oh, Steve was a cool dude. Came from a long line of ….I guess you’d call them psychics…. Plus I’m not so sure he was human. He didn’t dress like anybody else, or talk like anybody else except Fede his wife he picked up in Germany, and Ayla and Michael…. These four traveled all over. Steve was stationed in Germany and spent a little time there in a prison for smuggling hashish….. Anyway after he got out these four traveled all over, they knew where you could go with Jeans, a make a bunch of money, then get stuff in that country that someone somewhere else would pay a high price for…and they just traveled around to some of the most incredible places on the planet, islands over near Greece in that Sea that Spell Check can’t even figure out what I’m trying to spell….starts with an M and is long…. Well anyway these folks who were wonderful people had their own accent that I guess was a blend of all the places they went, they walked different than anybody I ever knew….kind of floated along, flowing movements…. Well, I digress….
So Steve shows up and brought some Magic Mushrooms for Jills last night. She never had any…..and I didn’t need any…..so both of them took some, and we decided to go see where I had seen the “Fairy City”.  Which was the way I thought of that place where they all were, because of the gridwork reminds me of a city layout.  Now there is one weird thing when you see Fairies the way I do, like I said sort of like little universes of Lights like stars…well you can’t really tell distance with them….so the size thing is out the window.. (that’s just a little side note). So I told em a few rules that you kinda need to keep in a situation such as this… The first thing is … keep your head and mouth and belly Quiet. The second thing was…Listen intently (we’re in rattlesnake heaven at night walkin right through em, so you want to be maximally aware.)  Now I kind of enjoyed being around these guys when they took the mushrooms because their intention was….not to just get stupid, but rather to expand the range of their perception.   So in the dark we take off walking. Oh yeah, the third rule….”walk silently”. I think back then I liked to use the term, ”don’t indulge” …a term I picked up from Don Juan….  So right off I noticed something interesting.  Bats….. You know bats are ….hmmm, messengers. They can be messengers from our souls, to keep our intention focussed upon our Paths.. So Right off I notice we have an Honour Guard of Bats…   OK, so now the first rule of “Quiet”, is the key to seeing Fairies.  When we are lost in the Fairy Tale of our “Description” of the world…we can’t see real Fairies. So we’re out there quietly, very slowly walking along the trail….and every time Jill or Steve or I would start to “indulge” one of the bats would fly right by our ears….and we’d move on.  I observed this a bunch of times with Jill and Steve and noticed that they rarely noticed the bats at all…. But every time it happened, they Shut Up, and we started moving again..
Well we finally got to the Valley of the Fairy City and since they knew the rules, and followed pretty well (I suppose the mushrooms helped)…they were able to see it.   It was incredible at night.. It was like looking down on Silicon Valley at night….millions of little lights, in a grid like pattern….with all these Fairies flying around.  (found out later each of us saw the Fairies a bit different from the others).  Anyway it was ….incredible, Beautiful…awe inspiring….. And it seems it was almost impossible for those guys not to get all excited and start thinking about it….. UH OH ! So, the bats are flying fast and furious about our heads and they still are standing there “indulging”…until it begins to sound as though every single rattlesnake within miles, was converging upon us. We could hear the movement all around us. Well that got us moving…. I repeated the rules and we headed on. Pretty soon we were coming to that draw where it was soo cold. We walked down into it…. But not Liebe. She was barking like we were being attacked by monsters…. We went down in as she just stood there and wouldn’t go further…. It was freezing cold down there… Jill and Steve got kind of freaked out. I wanted them to stay and really check it out with me, but about that time they noticed the agave on the hill….it was glowing (there was more than one stalk) and they were lighting up the night like golden torches.  Well that was a good excuse for them to get out of there… I stayed and looked up the draw….  I was looking with my Third Eye trying to see if I could “see” what was making it so cold….. what I saw was just this big totally black area…. And then CLACK,CLACK,CLACK.  It sounded like someone was hitting two hardwood two by fours together right in front of my nose….  Woah, dang guys, you gotta check this out.  I went up the hill and they were all ramblin on about the glowing Agave stems, and I’m tellin them about the clacking.  Well about now I’m picking up this vibe that say’s…”They are scared shitless” (sorry Mom).  But there’s only one way back, and I’m thinking, “I hope I don’t have to carry them out of there like I did Bill that one time in the valley of Ticks. Grown man maybe 50 pounds heavier than me….. refusing to go another step, so I had to carry him out…,,,I digress again).  Ok, Liebe is still on the other side of the draw barking… we go down in it and I say, stay, check it out. Well there’s that extremely loud Clacking Sound right in front of our noses….. Jill lights up a cigarette. (she wasn’t really a smoker, but hot gotten it from Steve) and at the moment the lighter flicked…..it was as if everything around us just pulled back from us….like the whole desert recoiled. Steve and I looked at each other in the flame light, and each grabbed one of Jills arms, and ran towards Liebe, still up on the edge of the draw barking.  We moved like the wind, which is good because when we got up on the edge of the draw….and looked down, it was as if the whole desert that had pulled back, rushed back in. We could see it coming in from all directions…and when it all met there was a huge explosion sound…….. Holy crap.  We were pretty sure if we had been down in there…we’d of been squashed into nothingness…..  Well the next day They left, and I headed down into the valley …..I spent the night in a trailer park, possibly in the Military Reserve.

Well the next day I have a very strange experience with a large Indian….A dream I had this night, comes true….and I meet Bud, an old dude in a rock shop near Santa Barbara, who saw me die in my last life in Tibet ( a vivid memory I've had since I was old enough to think....but he remembered things I had repressed) and told me some things that I’m just beginning to understand, and the bent feather from the buzzard I had followed, ends up in my hands, handed to me by a soldier who was driving along and it just fell out if the sky into the Jeep that he and three other guys were riding in.


Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section C:  I Meet Bud and he clarifies a Past Life for me.

So Jill and Steve road off into the sunset and I guess I must have teleported that motorhome up out of that sand pit….and I too was down the road.
It was kind of late so I just went a little ways that night to a trailer park that was either in or right on the edge of that Military Reserve. It was really interesting thrusting myself into this astral quagmire that that there trailer park just happened to be. Crazy energy everywhere….and there I was, unlike my normal self, smack dab in the middle of it. That night I had a dream that I was driving along and saw three dead owls on the side of the road. The next morning I got up and went to wash my clothes in the little Laundromat that was there. I put my clothes in then got em washed than put them in the dryer. Then I guess I went back to my motorhome for a while.  After a while I went back and took out my clothes. As I was standing there with my laundry in my arms this huge Indian walks in the door. He ducked his head as he came in, he might have been Navajo, I remember he was triangular like Navajo’s. And he’s screaming and yelling and getting really crazy and violent in my direction like nothin I’d ever seen. It seems some of his laundry got mixed into mine.  I don’t remember exactly what happened next…..it’s one of those things where in order to remember you have to be energetically in the same place, which I’m not right now, and have only been a few times since that episode with the Indian…..but whatever it was he ended up crying (from sadness) like a baby while I tried to console him.   Then he kinda sobered up and I saw he was getting embarrassed, so I walked out the door.
Just then this Jeep pulls up, and I see hanging from the mirror a buzzards feather, but not just any buzzards feather, it was the “speed” feather (as I call it) from that buzzard that led me on the little exploration back at the camp, the one with the 90 degree bend in the end.
So I asked one of the soldiers where he got it, he said that it was strange, just earlier that day they were driving along and it fell right into their Jeep from out of the sky, then he asked me if I wanted it….. and I don’t know why, but I said no…. Then I went back to my Motorhome, and hit the road, heading south down I 5.  So I’m cruising on probably cogitating on all the intense experiences I recently had…and all these questions were arising…kind of like a flood, one following the next. Then I saw it….an owl on the side of the road, I was cruising too fast and decided I’d get the next one, but there it was and I was still moving too fast, so I slowed down and kept my eyes pealed… There it was, the third owl. I got out, waited  for cars to pass and went over to pick it up. ( I admit it, I was road kill guy, I liked feathers, and porcupine quills and armadillo and turtle shells, and there are places where these are as frequently found as beer cans on the roadside outside Redneck USA.  ) So I went over there. It was a beautiful barn owl with a snake in it’s claws…and a mouse in the snakes mouth. They all seemed recently dead, so I bagged em all up.
Here is a photo of what I made from it, it’s pretty old now and kinda falling apart, but you can get the idea.  In it’s beak it holds the snakes vertebrae, and below that are some of the mouse’s bones. ( I once won an award in an art show for it and got my pic in the local paper.)_
Cool, score.  I headed back down the road.  At some point there was a cutoff to the coast that came out somewhere near Santa Barbara. You had to go over the coast range….and I did.  So I was cruising along and felt this odd pull, like I was supposed to go somewhere, but had no idea where…then I saw this Rock Shop and pulled over and went in.  There was an old guy with a twinkling eye ( I think the other had a patch, and I think he had a peg leg… really, but I can’t be sure with this guy. )  Remember how I said I had all these questions one on top of another going through my head…. Well this guy, whose name was Bud, just sequentially started answering them before I said anything but “Hi”.. I was hypnotized. He had some crazy kind of temple dog inside his sleeve that he told me some story about “Power” in relation to. Then he told me another story, he said that Power comes from Peace, and that the most peaceful folk in the world were a tribe in Africa that I think he called the Bantu.  He said he was over there in the War (WW2) and that he had a Bantu driver. One day he went to town to pick up his mail and while he went over to the Post Office the Bantu driver stayed back at the Jeep. Well he went in and was takin care of business and when he came out he looked across the way towards his Jeep and there were 3 Nazi’s yelling at the Bantu, and he was down on the ground and they were kicking him.  He started running over there because he saw that one of them was threatening with his bayonet like he was going to kill the Bantu.  He got there and the Bantu was standing now, as were the three Nazi soldiers, then one by one the Nazi’s heads tumbled off and they fell to the ground. Bud said that Bantu’s carried knives in the back of their pants…and that they live in a place of Peace, but if their Life is threatened, will protect themselves. Then he said he had to get the Bantu out of town before all hell broke loose. He told me a bunch more stuff about Peace, and Power, and showed me this stone
…and he kept telling me these scenes and I would see them very clearly in the rock, then he’d say something totally different…and I’d see that….he did this a bunch of times then told me something about how he did it. And then told me why he did it, something about "suggestion" and the human mind.  Then something he said reminded me of a vivid memory I have from I supposed was my last life. It was a memory of being a monk in this monastery in Tibet.  I can remember having this memory from before I could talk, like a few others that I was told were my imagination. And I started telling Bud this memory.  And what was happening was all of us monks were lined up in front of the monastery. We had been told that they were coming and that we would probably be killed, but that we mustn’t fight or lose our Peace.  Well I remember I wasn’t entirely happy with this scenario and thought that we could work it out…. But had no choice but to do what my Teacher had told me. ( I think years later I saw a movie where this might have happened and it kind of freaked me out). Because what the deal was was that as this one main dude walked down the line of the monks, he would stop in front of each, and if they would bow to him, he would spare their lives.  Well I guess my name was Wilson back then too, because I was at the dang end of that line (W’s always at the end). So I’m watching out of the corner of my eye as all my Brothers are being shot in the head. Well they came to me and I didn’t bow either…. At least that is what I said to Bud, and then I was shot.  Just then Bud say’s, “you did bow your head, but just a little” I was there and I saw it.  And I knew he was right…. I don’t know why he was there watching this horrible event, or in Africa with the Bantu’s, some kind of government job I thought.   Anyway when he told me that I just kind of shut down, pushed it out of my mind, told him I’d better go….he gave me the stone, and I left.
Now that was one of those memories that we humans are so good at suppressing, because when he told me that I just instantly pushed it aside, took any energy from it.  But finally many years later (just a few ago)
I faced it, and what it was was that on that day when all my Brothers held their heads high, it wasn’t that I was bowing down, but rather I couldn’t bear to look in the mans face, so I bowed my head down…. And the damn sucker shot me anyway, which is cool, it was all part of the plan, or so my Teacher had said, of kind of splitting us all up, and spreading us all around the next time where we could do more good. It seems all over the world there were these little pockets, where certain groups of souls had always gravitated to carry on …. Spiritual pursuits, and there in Tibet we were working on subtle levels to bring about Peace and love in Humanity, but now somewhere somebody who had a lot more spiritual clout than I did, decided we needed to split up….so we weren’t supposed to take it too badly.  But I took it real badly because my last thought was one of ultimate shame….because I thought that I had accidentally dishonored my Brothers and Teacher by bowing my head….. And I had pushed this aside to hide from myself, and all that energy I put towards keeping it hidden, just fed it more….and it grew in the dark into a demon that would taunt me from the shadows of my being…..  But the fact that Bud exposed it, even though it was many years later when I allowed it, allowed me to face it in the Light of Truth, and release some of it’s hold on me. Though I still feel like I need to apologize and explain myself to my Teacher and Brothers….
Well like a bat hastily escaping Hell I flew out of that rock shop and on down the road.. Pretty darned freaked out by recent events and just wanting to crawl into a hole a while until the day I was to go home. But that wasn’t going to happen.  I was about to meet the woman I saw superimposed upon Jills face, the same face that was on the angel that came to my room when I was 8 years old. She was going to show me something about "the cords of Man".And my magical friend Larry who somehow had known where I’d be showed up that night and got to see her too.

I’m afraid I’ve left out some major parts of the experience with Bud, but maybe sometime I’ll be vibrating at that frequency, and can share it in writing.


 Meeting the Teacher...and .Returning from a Magical Journey
I think this is Part 8 in a series...

 This is a picture of me way back when, sitting on my meditation spot above Plaskett Creek. Across the way is where Pack Rat jumped off the Cliff... and where the following story took place, on the beach below the cliffs you see in the background.  I was just going through some old stuff looking for something for my next post ( a letter from a Witch) that I know I have but haven't found....when I found this pic that goes with this story.
Fasten your seatbelts, this is another very strange story...

Well I guess we left off with Bud. So by the time Bud got through with me, and on the heels of this Long Magical journey...I must admit I was just a bit FREAKED.  There was so much magical stuff going on every second for the past ...I don't know exactly how long, Month maybe, that I was truly ready to crawl under a rock and hide for the remaining couple of days before I was to go back to Palo Alto to my Philandering wife, and a city where...well, that was a city.  So I left Bud's and headed back to my favorite home base at Plaskett Creek.
I arrived at the campground just as it was getting dark, pulled in my motorhome and didn't even step outside....like I say, I was ready to crawl under a rock and hide..."no more magic for a while if you please".... So, I sat without even turning on any lights, and quietly played my twelve string. Mere moments later there was a knock on my door.... CRAP!!!, so much for the underside of this Rock. I opened the door and there was this incredibly breathtaking woman standing there, and she for some reason reminded me of the woman in the picture Jill had drawn, the woman whose face she saw superimposed upon my face, and I saw superimposed on hers. And that face was the face of the angel I saw when I was 8 years old in Japan, and who I saw once while sitting in my car in the parking lot where I worked in Redwood City . And the same face was superimposed on Debbie Hooper who I was takin a break with out there... and she (The Angel/Teacher/whatever was trying to tell me something, but....alas, I was distracted by Debbie Hooper, who was pretty dang cute and in the actual flesh sittin there...so I missed that lesson, but anyway standing there was this beautiful woman.
I might have seemed strange to her, I showed her the pic of the woman and asked if she knew her.... She said she looked kind of familiar.  Anyway this woman's name was Ramona and she was in this Band called the Jimmy Discount Band, and she wanted to know if I wanted to come and Jam with them..... I actually can't remember what happened right after that, but somewhere along the way she got my address and phone number and would a couiple weeks in the future show up with the band who had a gig in Palo Alto, and they stayed at my place.... But I'm pretty sure I declined her offer of the Jam and went to sleep for the night.
Well that whole under the rock idea was just not manifesting because at about 2:00 am there was another knocking on my door. What The Heck!!!?
I say, Who dat when I say Who dat? And he say," It's me Larry.
I don't know if I told you about my wild and crazy genius (on an alternate dimension) friend Larry. But there he was, he had hitchhiked down from the Bay Area...How he knew where I'd be, who knows... But there he was, and he had figured out all this stuff, the main thing I remember was something about how to travel to other planets, but using the mind...but also there was a physical ship powered by the mind involved.. Well he talked about that all night and I guess we finally maybe went to sleep, maybe not. But the next day we went down to the beach.(Sand Dollar Beach).  There was nobody there, the campground was empty now, and there was nobody on the beach. So we went down there and walked way down the beach and sat down lookin out at the waves.
A few minutes went buy and we were looking down the beach and there was this Golden glow. "What the heck is That", Larry asks..... I don't know... But it changes from Gold to sky blue, it's like a upright cocoon moving towards us from down the beach. It keeps changing from gold to blue. Larry (who was a photography (and fencing) instructor at De Anza College), and who always has his camera with him say's, "I'm not even going to try to photograph that." As the blue and gold cocoon gets nearer we start hearing what sounds like flute music. And as it gets still closer Larry say's,"isn't that the woman in the picture on the wall in your Motorhome." Because sure as you know what, inside that gold/blue aura was the woman in the picture with frame of gold (made from a pulverized stone) and Blue from paint I think frame...hanging in my motorhome.  The pic Jill had drawn.  Did I already say Holy S h -- you know what. It sure was her, and what was really weird was that not only did the color of the aura change...but the woman went from being this young beautiful woman....to being a very very old beautiful woman...back and forth.
Well Larry say's, "She's oviously here for you, you better go and talk to her..."...
Well " I DON'T THINK SO"....remember the hide under the rock scenario.
  Here is the woman on my wall, that I saw when I was eight and superimposed on Jill and Debbie Hooper. And here she was b4 my eyes, in a gold and blue changing aura, going back and forth from an old to young woman, while flute music was playing out of no where (she didn't have one, and neither did either of us...and we were the only folks around for mile.... ) NO, I don't think so.
Well at that point Larry informs me that he has a class to teach that night and better start hitch hiking back if he wants to make it in time, he tells me I should talk to her...and walks off down the beach.
Well about the time he's gone, the woman who excudes beauty and grace walks (OH, I didn't mention that she had gone and sat on the beach behind us)  anyway she walks past me and out into the ocean..... She dives into the ocean, looking not as human as maybe some incredibly graceful creature that was meant to dive and swim...and she dives into a wave then comes FLYING up out of the water maybe 30 feet up into the ain, then dives back down into the water, and flys up again, as far into the sky as I can see till she's a little dot, then comes flying back down into the water..
THAT'S MY QUE",
I'm outta here.
So I took off down the beach and headed up to the cliffs overlooking the beach.... But I couldn't leave.  I went on the cliff above where she was and climbed up into a small tree, and sat there and watched her. I watched her all day ( I got totally sun burned). But I sat and watched her flying...and diving, and doing this dance on the beach that felt like.... hmm, like her tribute to the Ocean. I watched and watched and finally I started to see what she was showing me.  She wasn't "Flying" like Superman, or a bird, but she was showing me what I've come to call,"the cords of God." And she was lifting herself with these cords, she was using them to do all these remarkable feats.  Some of you may have seen these cords before in Heightened states of consciousness.... I also call them the Web of Creation, because they connect everything in this huge Golden Web.  Anyway she was trying to tell me some things, And I suppose she did, because occasionally when I'm operating at the same frequency as that day...I remember.  But not right now.  So anyway I sit and watch and who know what the hecks going on on another level, when I finally get up my guts and decide to go down and talk to her...POOF, Holy Crap, some old dude in coveralls and a straw hat, and long white hair and a beard just instantly appeared about 15 feet away from her. I was looking down there and Poof, there he suddenly was. OK, scratch the plan of going and talking to her.  Then I watched them, and it was weird, it was like they were attached by an invisable ...something, that kept them always exactly the same distance apart as they walked down the beach.  Then she did this little dance that felt to me like a Good-by to the ocean...And it felt like....so final, and sad. And she flew up in the air and did her diving thing again, then they started walking off up the beach to leave by the stairs.  That was my que to take Rattlesnake Gulch back to camp in order to avoid any possible contact with them,,,,,
Get me Outa here!!!
Now I gotta tell you something really freaky.
A while back I did something I very rarely do....
I looked in the mirror,
and what I saw there was an old guy,
wearing a straw hat and coveralls,
and who had long white hair and a beard...
and I saw in the reflection the person I had seen appear 15 feet from her on the beach 35 years ago.
  It was me, now....who suddenly appeared.
Well I went back to the city and I think my wife told me that day when I arrived that she was leaving me.... PERFECT... I had sent Jill packing, and was back in the city that I did not like, and Janine was shackin up with my ex best friend.   (who was never really a friend at all, that's just what Janine kept tellin me).  Well Ramona and the band showed up at the same time another Guy and Girl I met somewhere along the way, Christian and Maria. They were in the same Plaskett Creek camp where and when I met Jill. They lived in a double decker bus, and I kinda liked Maria because she was extremely cute and had a thing about never wearing a shirt.  Well all these folks show up at the same time, in my small studio apartment, in a quiet old ivy covered place . A band and Christian and Maria all sleeping on my floor.
Then I got a letter from Jill, in it was another drawing... It was a drawing of the woman on the Beach, as she looked when she looked old. She said that when she saw her superimposed on my face, she saw the young woman, but also the old woman, but hadn't had time to draw that when she was staying with me. ( and never mentioned that aspect of it either).  I'd scan that pic too if I still had it but I gave it to my Step Son a few years ago, he was living with some Swami dude who was channeling her and said her name was "Grandmother Spider".. Well I don't know about all that but I gave the pic to Morgan, my step son.... so can't share it with you.  She had also met an Indian guy with the last name something like Meawasege and they were getting married. HOLY COW, that was fast.
So that was the end of that Magical Road trip.
Not long after that a genuine "Witch" named Ariel and her daughter Josey moved in with me ...that's another story about a time when I was trapped in the dualistic notion that Light must Battle Darkness...and Ariel and I went at it.... And I'm pretty sure I lost that one.... Then I moved into a tree house built in between 4 redwood trees in a place called Redwood Terrace, that was a moonshine capitol on the 20's.  Then It got seriously crazy scary with the a person named Jane who burned down my friends house and the place I got some power from for my treehouse. So I guess I'll tell you all those strories before I tell you about the German coming back and showing me the most incredible invention of all....the Healing/Mind Control machine.
Stay tuned....

OH, This Angel/Teacher/Whatever woman shows up again many years later superimposed upon another person's face. But I promised this person I wouldn't talk about her, so I won't be able to tell you much about that. But the "Teacher" led me to a woman I've spent time with in a bunch of lives, and I suppose I'll have to tell you about all that minus reference to the woman in this life.....because I'm coming all the way out of this "closet of weirdness" that was my life...that I've kept hidden so as not to be judged...



Back in the City, The Three Witches, Gerda, Jane and Ariel and a Succubus

Just a warning, there is some R Rated Material here, so if you are sensitive to that....don't read.
Also be aware that things happen on multiple levels, in the following I am only talking about what happened in "ordinary reality".
I've been avoiding this Chapter for quite some Time.  I just realized that this whole,"coming out of the Wierdness Closet" thing is basically as my old friend Don Juan would say, is a Recapitulation....
We all carry heaps of "Personal History" and this can be like chains around the Light of our Souls.... And in order to Heave Off these chains...first we must face them... This Don Juan called a Recapitulation.  So as much as it'd be a whole lot easier to skip this crazy ass chapter and get right to the really trippy stuff when "the German" comes back and shows me the Healing/Mind control Machine.... and maybe some other things I've conveniently forgotten.
I used to think that we could ignore the Chains from our Past,
I used to say very authoritatively that,
" The demons from our Past, if we simply don't think about them,
they will go away,
they are vain little devils".
It sounded good,
I mean take the thought away and it dissipates the thought form...Right?

Ummm???

Not Quite..

Psychic Scars are built not only upon thought,
but also and maybe more so, upon emotion.
And even if we can ignore the Physical Reality of a manifested thought form
through the use of strong intention..
which I am pretty good at,
I mean that's pretty funny.
Denial of Physical Reality....
Jeeze.
But it seems that Denial is the Coping Mechanism of Choice

Even if we can deny that,
we still Have the Astral,
and Etheric Bodies to deal with.

We have three...Bodies (probably more but for this conversation....3)
The Astral Body, which you could call the emotional body
the Etheric Body which we could call the energetic, or maybe electrical body
and the Physical body, which you can call the Physical Body, he he..
Anyway through all the lifetimes that we've been playing this Game
we've collected a lot of Psychic Scars.... hitherto called Demons...
And they block our expansion
they block the influx of Light into the areas that they inhabit within us
being at the heart of much of our disease.
Wow, how did I get here, I was going to talk about the Three Witches
I wonder if I should change their names,
Nah, they know what they are and it's been a lot a years...
So now I must venture into this Recapitulation....


OK, so I come back to the City at my wife's behest.
After waiting the specified 2 weeks,
I suppose so her boyfriend, that I didn't know she had, would move out.
So I got back with a very strong Intention to keep the Higher Vantage Point that I had gained on my previous trip.
I went out on an early Saturday morning
to walk down Main Street Palo Alto...
Yikes....
I was smiling and sayin howdy to folks
truly loving them and the beautiful day..
And I was totally freakin them out.
Everywhere I went folks saw I wasn't in the same Box as them
and it freaked em out.
Well I'd been Freakin out family and friends I guess my whole life
and felt.... tossed aside, pushed away...unloved, because of it...
So I kinda shut down just like a Hospital Born Baby.
And went walkin back to my apartment.
Now I don't remember if my wife had already told me that she was movin in with her boyfriend yet or not, but returning home I  was feelin mightly dejected, rejected, deflected, and bummed... he he
Next door to the beautiful ivy covered old apartment I lived in was a big ol white Victorian House.... and sittin out in front was a little girl, 6 years old if I recall right, named Josie.
Well we became fast friends, I decided to hell with the damn nasty assed grown up's
I was hanging with open hearted and Minded kids.
We had so much fun just playing sittin out under a tree in the dirt....
We were instant best friends..
Remember "Best Friends"
You couldn't wait till the next day so you could go hang out and have grand adventures..
Well that how I felt about Josie, and I guess she felt that way about me.
Then I guess it was inevitable that would meet her Mom, Ariel (That really was her name).
Now Ariel was one of those Physical Realities that I was doing my best to ignore
But I did notice she was devistatingly Beautiful, Reddish Hair, kinda shorter in stature.... Fiery... Freakin Hot, but as I say I was ignoring that physical reality.
Fact is I'd never known a woman that....
HMMM??
What is the word...?
Well I don't think there is a word for it...
She was passionately, erotically, totally and powerfully in love with her own Physical Nature and Reality.
Well my wife moved out
Ramona and the Jimmy Discount Band, and these other folks I met who lived in a double decker school bus, Christian and Maria showed up at my place and stayed for a few days...
Then Josie and Ariel moved in
and the dance Began
well actually it was more of a Battle,
then a dance.
I found an old letter she wrote me...it was in 1978 according to a note I put on the back.
Here's that letter.




Like I say, she was in Love with the Physical Nature
and I was at that crazy point in evolution where I was trying to Ignore it.
I mean when I looked at thing's I only partly saw their physicallity
I was more focussed upon the Light Within things
than the Things themselves.
And I was the same know it all pain in the ass Aries back then
that I am now,.
Ariel had told me she was a "witch".
Though that was no suprise,
it was different hearing her voice it...
Seeing her obsession with Physicallity
and probably after some uncomfortable conversations
I decided to do (what I considered to be) a little Good Magic on her.
Now I don't know if I mentioned this in earlier posts,
but once with Debbie Hooper I did an experiment in Magic.
Back then it seemed impossible for me to believe
that folks just couldn't go into the Light
like I could....
and Debbie said she'd like to experience that.
So that night I did a little magic,
it either came from one of my Teachers,
or just from deep within me
but it basically was very simple archetype manipulation.
I  meditated, went to the place I called the Archetype Plane...
Might have just been the astral plane.
Projected the thought of her...which drew her "archetype"....
And I fed that with the Light...
At the same time I had a big round flat beach stone that I drew on with my eyes closed with a stick that was burned, was like a pencil
I drew a simple pattern that was symbolic of her archetype being fed with Light
and becoming One with that Light.
The next day she came up to me all excited,
She'd "seen the Light" the night before
All of a sudden out of nowhere
while she was laying in bed
( I had waited till I figured she would be..
Better chance of successs then...)
when she was all calmed down from the day.
And all of a sudden out of Nowhere she Flashed into the Light....

Well I decided in my infinite ignorance,
that Ariel needed a shot of the Light..
Because back then, since I could see the Light
within the physical
I thought of the Physical as a ....
barrier, to free flow of the Light..
Now some folks call this Light God,
some call it the Holy Spirit.
I call it the Light
because that was what it was.
Eternal, Blissful, ecstatic Love.
And in my opinion
there was nothing greater than dissolving in That
So I figured this Witch needed a good shot of the Light...
And that Night I proceeded out upon  the astral Plane...
Looking for her archetype...
which on retrospect I suppose was her Astral Body,
or maybe what Don Juan calls a Double
which I finally maybe understand
is what I call "Constructs"
Anyway a "Construct" is like an energetic reflection of us..
All that we think we are
and all that we have thought and felt about ourselves
and all that has been thought and Felt about us
Has brought to fruition a very basic Cosmic Law that state's
That which we feed with energy and attention
will eventually Manifest
Well we each have this energetic Reflection that I call a construct
It lives on the Astral Plane and looks just like us
and pretty much is who we were Yesterday.
If you ever find yourself out on the astral plane
one rule is,
"Don't look over your shoulder (back)
or you'll see your Construct
and this is never really good."
Anyway I went out there and guess I was attempting to feed her archetype, or Construct with Light, like I did with Debbie...
Bad Idea,
She was there,
and fully conscious....
and Pissed off at my attempt.

I don't know exactly how to explain what happened...
but we battled out there on the astral plane
Me pushin the Light at her,
And her , not takin it
and throwin me around...
The next day I woke up pretty wasted.
I heard her on the phone,
she said she was in a "Spiritual HotHouse" and had to get out..
I was pretty blown away,
I'd never met anybody that could frequent the same strange places as me...
and get around so well there.
But she had scared the crap out of me.
She took off and I headed downstairs planning on going in the opposite direction as fast as I could on my bike.
I walked it outside
sat down on the seat....then looked down the street
Ariel was down there
looking over her shoulder
The next thing I knew my bike, and I
were flying, head over heals through the air... Crash.....
That was the last time I remember seeing her...
Well I lived in that apartment a short while longer,
I was hangin out with another kid,
Christine.... She was my Friend Larry's daughter
I told you about Larry in the post where the Teacher was on the Beach.
Chritine and I had a lot of fun,
Riding bikes, eating and making sweet foods
One day we were riding bikes and some guy pulls up and askes her about modeling..
She was pretty tall like her Mom (who had been a model)
Well I just figured he was a pervert,
But she became a very famous model, not too long thereafter.
Christine Bolster..
You can probably still Google her.
Here's a pic she took in one of those picture Booths and then there are a couple from the Victoria's Secret Catalog after she grew up some and got famous.



I think she might have started with Victoria's Secret...but then went to Italy, got real famous, came back here got more famous, and married this actor dude I always kinda liked.... and had a bunch of kids.
Anyway I had a girl friend named Carol...
I loved her soo much
but was livin in Denial
Here's a Pic of Carol and I way back then..

Anyway she told me about this guy Doug who lived in the Mountains, had a lot in common with me, and had a tree house built up in 4 redwood Trees behind his house, and she had told him about me, and I could rent the treehouse for next to nuthin.
Next thing I knew I had my 55 metro step van totally rad camper parked up there and was livin maybe 25 feet up in some Redwood Trees with all the comforts of home,
Little coal stove, hot plates, fridge, water and a portable toilet...
  But with full House Access.
Doug was totally cool, maybe a little older than me
An artist, and collector of Toltec Art and he collected Samari Swords and Paintings and all kinds of cool stuff.
We were pretty friendly
but I was kinda keepin to myself,
just hangin out with Carol a lot. I met Neil Young then at a Party, then again at a showing of some woman's paintings in her home up there.
I was living near a Place called La Honda...at a place called Redwood Terrace
An old moonshiners hide out.
Neil lived nearby on Skyline, and jammed a lot at the bar in La Honda, where Carol 
basically lived 20 feet away from.
One of my favorite times back then was hanging out with Dane, who was Carols boyfriend and Neils Studio Drummer..
And we drummed... jammin....it Rocked.
So mostly I'm spending my days working (doing scrimshaw)
and drawing and writing...keepin to Myself.
One day I go down to the house and am going to use the bathroom,
There's a girl sitting down there smoking a cigarette.
We introduce ourselves
Her name is Jane
she lives in a room in Doug's house.
Well I'm going to the beach and ask Jane if She wants to go too.
She say's sure.
We spent the day going to Monteray and Carmel and hangin on some beaches, then we go home and I say goodnight.
The next day I'm sitting up in my treehouse.... way up in the trees and I hear a knockin on my door..
There is some girl standing there..
She tells me her name is Gerda and that she'd come from Germany to meet me.
Here's something Gerda wrote in the back of my Tales of Power book. It say's
"Each of us has to find out for Himself
what is permitted, and what is Forbidden...
By HIM.
May 1979



My friend Steve, who I think I previously mentioned, the guy who came from a long line of Psychics and who I swear was not from this planet...
Didn't look it, and his accent wasn't from anywhere I ever knew.
Anyway he'd told her about me, and she wanted to meet me.
He had just dropped her off.
Weird, I lived quite a long ways from him,
like over the mountains....
and he just dropped her off and didn't even come and say, "Howdy."
OOPs, I'm kinda gettin things out of order here.
Before Gerda, (that was her Name, Gerda Konrad) showed up I had a few more run in's with Jane..
OK, so that day Jane and I went to the beach she kept sayin,
"Will you be my friend no matter what?"
"Yeah, sure, of course...."
I couldn't see why not.
She seemed to have some major self esteem issues
so I was doing what I could to help.
Anyway a few days after we went to the beach, maybe more, early in the morning Doug is yellin up at me
Hey, Jane's on the Phone and wants to talk to you
Jane? I couldn't place the name..
I went down to his Pay phone (he had a pay phone in his house)
and picked up the reciever
It was that Jane I'd met, she reminded me that I told her I'd be her friend no matter what
she said she was in the hospital and wanted me to visit and bring some cigarattes.
I asked if she was OK, why are you in the Hospital and she told me,
"Because I threw my glasses out the window when I was driving".
What?
"Just visit me and bring me some cigarettes, you said you'd be my friend".
Okay, I got directions, and cigs and went for a visit.
It was a looney bin.
I was kinda ungrounded from the whole thing...
"Come to my room".
I follow her, she's holding my hand...OH yeah, she Kissed me passionatly when I came in,
Jeeze I forgot that...
Then we go to her room, there's this girl layin on the other bed, lookin catatonic. Jane shuts the door, rips off her clothes, and starts yelling, "Fuck Me, Fuck Me..."
Yikes, just then a woman nurse opens the door and say's, "Jane, put your clothes back on", and walks away.
OH, My God.!!!
So I'm headin right behind the nurse for the nearest exit. Jane has grabbed my leg and is begging me to "Fuck her" and saying why didn't I the other night after we went to the beach.... and I'm dragging her across the floor hangin on to my leg.  I make it out with her pleading for me to come back and visit again..  Holy Moley.
I go home and I guess I found out from Doug that she was Manic Depressive, and had gone off her meds.... He wanted her out of his house, he couldn't stand her.
Well Jane called a few days later, wanted me to visit again, I said something like, Are you Crazy" woops, she said some other lady friend was visiting and I could come when she did and I'd be safe... I went, I wasn't...and we repeated the "Fuck Me episode" from the previous Hospital (she was in a different one now).
I never really wanted to see this freaky nympho again. And for you guys out there who fantasize about hooking up with a "Nympho"
It ain't what it cracked up to being.... I've know a few.... Yikes
Anyway so a few days later I'm sleeping up in my loft and I hear a bunch of crackling noises and stuff.... And it wasn't the birds a few inches from my nose on the other side of the roof peckin on the roof like I heard every morning.
Kept hearing all these sounds like plinking plunkin sounds. So I get out of bed... It's freezing, I haven't made a fire yet. I go to look outside, open up the trap door in my deck, and down below is Jane...CRAP!
She didn't want to yell up and wake Doug who was "already mad at her".
And wanted me to let her up....
I let her up.
It was freezing so I started puttin some coal in the stove, Jane came in and sat in my one overstuffed chair, took off all her clothes, and kept grabbing for my pelvic area.
I just kinda dodged like a bullfighter, not makin a big deal about this naked woman in the freezing cold grabbin at my pelvic area.

I had no kind of sexual interest in this loony bird, though she did look pretty good naked....
I'm not sure how I kept her off me, but soon a couple guys came who had a bunch of cool stuff they wanted to trade for some beads. ( I had a bunch of reams of seed beads).
That saved me and Jane went on her way. The guys most impressed by her naked body...
We did some trading and then who shows up.... Gerda,
She'd hitchhiked.  She was wearing the shortest shorts I'd ever seen.... It was not in style back then in America, maybe Germany...But her freakin ass was hangin out, and I'd never seen the likes of that on an American woman.  Anyway there she is and we went to the beach and had a good day of discussion.  She was indeed what you'd call a witch, and it was really kinda nice to have someone who I could talk about stuff with, that most folks wouldn't know what I was talkin about. In fact I think she knew more about all that than I did, cuz she was always sayin stuff I didn't understand.
So we had a great day, she kepts sayin how good it was to be able to hang out with a guy as a Friend.  Yeah, sure, works for me... I mean I liked the conversation, but she was miles from my "type".  Well we went back and I suppose we got stoned, I think she had brought some hash from Germany.  ( I think she used to help Steve smuggle the stuff, he did some time in a German Prison which I guess was far from enjoyable..
So we smoked it, it got late...I wasn't in any shape to drive her home, so me and my new friend went to bed in the one and only bed. Seemed like minutes later and I'm wakin up.... Gerda, who it turns out is a very passionate woman, is laying on top of me... we both have clothes on, and she is humping me, like she is a guy...Ramming her Pubic Bone into mine, causing me some discomfort.
Then I hear some cracklin noise...fearin it's Jane, I throw Gerda to the side and look outside.
Dougs house is on Fire... CRAP
We went running down there, didn't even put on our shoes....
It was early and I knew Doug and this other guy who lived there and Jane must be in the house.  The door was locked, I kicked it in, a dog and cat ran out, a wall of heat threw me backwards.   I ran around to another door and kicked it in, another wall of heat.  We went running up the road looking for a place to call the fire Dept. from. A woman was coming down the hill in her car, she said she'd go call.  We went back and packed up my step van and headed down to a local diner. We wanted to get away from there.


OHHHH, I forgot to mention, when we were running up the Hill, Jane was laying naked in the freezing cold Grass, we went past her and she said," Isn't the smoke beautiful the way it goes up through the trees." It sent a shiver through my soul.
I must have been in some crazy altered state because I ate a big meal, not knowin if Doug was dead or Alive... Then we went back and the fire Dept. was there. The House was a total loss. Jane was standing on the roof of the cab of the Firetruck, she had on a fireman's coat and something on her head that might have been a liner to a helmet. She was jumping up and down and calling my Name.... It was the most scary sight I'd ever seen. The coat for some reason made her look like a hunchback...   Whew. I guess a neighbor told me Doug and the other guy had gone somewhere. All of Jane's belongings were conveniently in her car.... Turns out she burned it down and had been threatening to do just that for some time.... But she got away with it.  I spent a fair amount of time with Gerda, it was nice havin some one who I could talk to about magical things......but she was wanting I think to claim me, and we made out a few times...YECHHH, cigarette smoke.... but she always caught me off guard and a few times I just went a long with it.... I finally set my horny young friend Bill on her and made my getaway....... Jane on the other hand was a real problem, started stalking me...going to the stores where I sold my stuff, trying to find out where I was.... She was a big reason I left California....
Anyway all three of those women were in a very short period of time.. Two of em knew they were witches.... maybe Jane was just Crazy.
With Ariel I have learned that no stage of evolution is more valid than any other. Because she was still collecting her "Description" of herself.... and I believed this was a dark Path, I attempted to exert my will upon her...and she slapped me down.... good thing.  And with Jane and Gerda I guess I've learned that denial of things that we don't want to see as an approach to the world, is akin to walkin out on the freeway, with a bag over your head.
And aside from being part of a Recapitulation of my Life I think I felt I had to include this, because right in the middle of all that, in between Ariel Leaving and Moving up to Doug's.... The German came back and presented me with some amazing information. He showed me a Machine that could cure almost any disease....and could also control the thoughts of Humans. And actually his re appearance has brought forth more questions than answers about Just who he really was.. with some frightening possibilities.

OK, after reading this over I guess I'm going to have to include two other things that hapenned in this time period. I was leaving them out because, hmm?  Well whatever...But as you can see there was a lot of crazy sexual stuff going on in this period, all in a relatively short space of time.... well here's 2 more things I didn't mention.
Before I went up to Doug's is when The German reconnected with me and showed me the Healing/Mind control Machine which will be my final post in this series...But while I was at my parents house, staying in my old Motorhome in their front yard for a few days...something very strange Hapenned. Early one morning I had what I thought was a very very lucid Dream... A very lucid Wet Dream that is with this incredibly beautiful woman with long Black hair giving me the most incredible sexual experience of my life...by leaps and bounds. OMG.  Well I "woke up" in bed, exhausted....I had scratches on my back and there were three long black hairs on my pillow.  This was immediatly after the dream so I got up to go look outside and see if She was leaving... The alarm on the motorhome was on and I had to turn it off to go outside. Nobody there...Whew!!!!
Okay, that is one thing. Now the other is incredibly bizarre.  For a while my ex-wife and I lived in a regular house in supurbia. It was a nice place on El Carmello Dr. We had a neighbor woman who they thought had agoraphobia (but I muscle tested her and found she was hypoglycemic, got her off sugar and coffee and she went out into the world for the first time in 10 years). Anyway they were a "Normal" family. They had a daughter who was maybe 12 years old who would come over and hang out with us.  Well one day we're over at her house and her Mom pulls me aside and tells me that ...get ready.... that they had taken their daughter to the Doctor and the Doctor had said that she was still too young to have sex, that I'd be too big for her, and we couldn't have sex for a few years.... TWILIGHT ZONE... Well a few years later, when I had come back from my vision Quest as I call that Magical Journey, and Janine had just left me and Jimmy and Ramona had gone and Josie and Ariel hadn't moved in yet.... the girl whose name I'm leaving out shows up at my door with a girlfriend, I think they were First or second year High School. They come up and straight out she say's that they want me to teach them about sex....  I guess I'm standing there dumbfounded when my buzzer rings and it's Janine whose coming (to ask me for money for an abortion as a matter of fact cuz her new boyfriend got her pregnant).... Well anyway she comes up and I suppose remembers the insanity from the girls Mom years before....and doesn't leave until the two girls leave....
I moved not long after and never saw that girl again.... so,
What was going on energetically then?
Freaky Huh..


Monday, April 11, 2011

Coming out of the weirdness Closet, Final Chapter. The "German" comes back and the Healing/Mind Control Machine

Well we're finally here, to the last chapter in this series,"Coming out of the Weirdness Closet"... This chapter has the potential for being the most hmmm, most something...
This chapter is the main reason I came out onto the Internet a few years back, discovered Forums and Blogs and sites that might help me find an explanation of just what was going on back then....
So as near as I can recall this happened around the same time as the Succubus incident. I was parked at my parents and living in my Motorhome, right before I was to head up to Dougs and live in the Tree House.
So one day I decided to take a nap out in the Motorhome......
As I awoke?? from the nap something very strange happened that I had no previous experience with.
  I had quite a bit of experience Astral projecting by this time, and what happened was a matter of leaving my body, but not astrally....rather it was an etheric projection.... My energetic body was looking down at my physical body, and this was a lot different than astral projecting.....it was like this etheric body weighed tons..... I willed myself to move, but it was so so difficult.  I'm realizing that this is what folks are calling sleep paralysis... except I'm an Aries, and not easily paralyzed..... But basically what happens is ( my theory anyway) is that upon waking our "consciousness" usually shifts from an astral awareness, moves through an etheric awareness, and then identifies with our Physical awareness....and we wake up in our bodies.  But occasionally it might become identified with our Etheric body upon waking.....very rare, but I've been hearing a lot about it happening to folks in the last few years.  So here I was straining to physically move away from my physical body, within my etheric body. ( Why, because I'm an Aries, what else am I gonna do?)  Well it was totally exhausting so I went back and lay down in my physical body....and "woke up."  Immediatly the "German" as I had dubbed him years before  when I was just a kid and when he showed up in my head and over some months led me to build a machine that made a plants emotions audible. Well, that's a previous chapter..
Now something was different from any of the times before with the German....  When I built the plant Machine according to the Germans instructions, his voice was very very subtle, almost as if it was my own thoughts, with a weird accent.  But now it was like a distinct voice from a Spirit that was right there with me...it wasn't like that before. ...and he was showing me clear images.of a Machine in a room with a bunch of these huge computers, like a whole wall of a huge computer...And there was this chamber, kind of like an MRI machine, though this was in the 70's probably before they "officially" had any of those.  He told me that this machine could cure most of humans ailments, diseases etc.  In some ways it was a very simple machine. What it did was in two parts. The first part was to "read" the persons energetic body, 3D. It created a complete energetic map of the persons physical/etheric body.  All this was fed into the computers. It was viewed on the level of color/frequency.  "problems (over or under amplification of frequency) which are at the root of disease were isolated and their energetic counterbalance was calculated.  The second part of the machine had lasers and prisms, thousands of em, and the prisms isolated the refracted laser light and pinpointed that at the problem area.  Basically applying  the correcting frequency very intensely to the "problem area"...fixing the problem on an energetic level. The German told me that the technology was in  existence at that time, in the US, Israel, and Russia.  ( I understood at the time that this meant that pieces , or components of the completed Machine were in each of these countries, and that they needed to come together to complete the project).. But this wasn't what I was told, it was however what I assumed)  Now I didn't know much about world events back than and our relationships with other countries....and I was pretty Naive ...So from that statement I took that the Machine wouldn't be built any time soon, because everyone knew Russia and the US didn't get along...I didn't know anything about Israel back then, don't really know much about it now...Jewish folks I think, in the Holy Land...that's all I know.
He also showed me how the machine could read chemical compounds, it could ascertain their "energy signature" it could also read plants....anything basically. And from this it was also possible to adjust a persons "unhealthy" frequency by the application of chemical compounds specific for their particular energy imbalance.  You were basically balancing a persons light body, with Light.... it was also possible with sound....and with chemicals.  Pretty freaking amazing.
Well this got me all excited so I ran into the house to get a pencil and paper so I could start writing this amazing Healing Machines information down as the German told me.
Well when I got back to the motorhome, sit down with my pencil and paper at the table, the German say's, "you know you can't do anything with this information, don't you?"
"Excuse me, What!?
He said there was basically two reasons I had to keep this to myself.  The first one was the fact that Disease has roots below the energetic level.... on karmic astral levels.  Yes, you could rebalance a persons energy, make them feel well....yet the roots of the energetic imbalance, the Karma.....would still be there.  He said vaccinations are a good example of why this does not work.  Yes, we can stave off certain diseases with a vaccine....but we must realize that most of these diseases that we vaccinate for have their roots in "Group Karma".  They exist because enough people have created similar Karma around the same thing.  These diseases are caused by mass energetic imbalance .....something seemingly as simple as Millions of people Hating one individual (he gave Nixon as an example). He said that that amount of focused energy was bound to manifest something, and usually that ended up being what we call a virus, or a disease.... And he said that with vaccinations we can certainly cut off all the branches and the trunk of a tree and believe that we have eradicated something, but as long as the energy was there that created it..The Roots of the tree... that tree would grow back, lookin a lot different than it did last time, but still there.   Bottom line is you can not vaccinate against Karma. Yes you can eradicate Polio (seemingly), but then suddenly some "brand new " thing will emerge to work out the Karma.... often worse than the original.  A big lesson humans need to learn is that the energy they put to suppress disease/fear/uncomfortable reflection etc.... feeds what they are attempting to hold at bay.
OK, so reason 1. was that it's pointless to cure the effects, when the cause will Have to manifest itself one way or another....to move along.
The second reason is the really scary one.
He said that the machine could be used for Mind Control on a vast scale. He said that just as a disease has an "energetic signature" so do thoughts....and emotions.  And that just as the Machine could read energetic signatures of disease, and elemental compounds and herbs etc. so could it ascertain the energetic signature of Thoughts and Feelings.   He said that just as we could impose a "cure" through the application of certain balanced light and sound frequency as well as application of the substances that had the correct energetic signature to Re balance the imbalance....so could a generic emotion or thought be given to the masses through a specific blend of elements, through a specific blend of colors...and sonic vibrations.  Basically he said that chemicals could be put in the seasoning on our potato chips that we eat while watching some TV program where the computer has ascertained the perfect blend of colors (HDTV, LOOK OUT, better get rid of it)...and we could be made to think or feel just about anything, and believe it was our own thoughts and feelings. HAARP, HMMM???  So he said I needed to just forget about it.
Now this has been a mystery to me my whole life, why get me all excited about something, then tell me to forget about it.
Well a theory is finally forming here based on certain data.
1. The change in the way the German "spoke" to me.    It was more like I was communicating with a Spirit now, whereas before it was as if someone was just putting the thoughts in my head....  Sleep Paralysis most often accompanies some interplay with a Spirit of some deceased person, at least in the dozens of accounts I have heard...   So now it's lookin like the German....is dead. Whereas before ...it didn't feel like that.
2.  Back to the Plant Machine, how is it that everything I needed to build the machine was supplied to me through trades and buying at incredibly low prices from NASA and Lockheed folks who my parents worked with....and the monthly "Science Kits" I got, supposedly from some Mail order science kit of the month club.  EVERYTHING I needed, even equipment that was probably illegal for me to have, and I got all the pieces....right as I needed them...and I was talkin to no one about what I was doing.  How is it possible that all the supplies that a voice in my head needs to build a machine that allows plants to talk.....were supplied as needed when I didn't even know what I needed until it was time to hook something up a certain way.
3. Why after months with the German in my head, did he just disappear from it for years the moment the Plant Machine was completed?
4. Why did my Mom refuse to even come and look at it, and why did my Dad say nothing when I demonstrated it...and got all quiet and weird...??

Well here is my theory.  The second time the German came and told me about the Healing/Mind Control Machine.... he was dead. And he was feeling guilty for using a Mind Control Machine on me years previously to see if they could remotely control a person, right down to doing detailed work with things they knew nothing about.  They could not stop him from telling me, now that he was dead,  And he felt guilty, because maybe he was aware of the Bizarre twists my life was to take after that experience...
Tellin me about that mind control machine was basically getting off his chest, what he had done with it when he was Alive and probably working out at Ames Research Center where my Dad was....
I haven't heard from him since.
Maybe my Mom felt guilty that she allowed me to be used in testing the Mind Control machine and this is why she refused to come out....
and HMMM, the vibe that day was the same as the vibe the night we had the UFO encounter.   Did that encounter have anything to do with this.... it was odd how I became very psychic after that encounter...
Still lots of Questions.

Any Ideas?

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