Friday, July 2, 2010

The Eleventh Commandment and a recipe for a Roast

The Eleventh Commandment

Well the other day in an alternate dimension when I found a moment for some serious relaxing I suddenly found myself channeling "the Intergalactic Interdimensional Great White Brotherhood of Dudes that are a whole lot more spiritual and wise than any of those other upstart Fakes out there pretending to be high knowledgeable beings, Federation," or as those of us on the Inner Circle know it simply as I I G W B O D T A A W L M S A W T A O T O U F O T P T B H K B.

Anyway they sent me an important message for Humanity.
They said that when Moses went home to his wife with the 11 Commandments, she didn't much like God's tone on the last one, so she got out her chisel and broke off the bottom of the tablet..... it had actually given Moses a hernia anyway so she felt she was kinda doing him a favor cuz he was toting those tablets around all over the place trying to convince his drinking buddies that "the Lord" actually wrote them and gave them to him......   But luckily now thanks to me channeling the I I G W B O D T A A W L M S A W T A O T O U F O T P T B H K B we can finally know the TRUTH.
OK, here it is,
Commandment 11: " Human females shall be forbidden from attempting to Prepare Meat to be consumed."
 Now when Moses passed this along verbally to his friends there was some misunderstanding on the subject, and Vegetarianism was born..
Also on that subject there were some of us folks back then that were attempting to live spiritual lives and the problem was way back then that we were just too dang centered in our lower centers...All we really wanted to do was fornicate... and eat, and sing and dance and stuff like that.  We really had no hankering for the "Higher" centered Qualities.  So this group of folks realized that there were a couple sure fire ways to release our grip on our lower nature... One was building a small mud hut like an oven, and baking ourselves in it until we became delirious and had lots of visions... And the other one was eating lots of fruits and vegetables and no meat until the point we became totally ungrounded, malnourished, and capable of having visions...
OK, don't shoot me now, I'm just the messenger here.
But the fact is from my experience woman are indeed missing the gene that enables them to properly cook meat of any variety.  Maybe I'm biased because 20 years with my ex wife and still I couldn't convince her that meat could be prepared in ways....besides BOILING.  Boiled Beef Roast...GAG, Boiled Pork...GAG, Boiled any Freaking meat GAG GAG GAG.  So since I know there are a bunch of you heathen woman out there who aren't going to abide by the 11th Commandment, plus a bunch of you I know whose male counterparts are so freakin lazy that they aren't going to help you with the meals, I offer here a sure fire way to make meat that will melt in your mouth, actually taste sweet and juicy, and make you want to dance, and sing and fornicate....oops, I digress spiritually momentarily...

So here it is:
First get some amazing piece of grass fed free range organic meat like that provided by Deck Family Farm.
Click here to check these good folks out..
This is important, "free range grass fed organic"... if you are gettin your meat at the supermarket it could kill ya...
You need parchment paper
Tin (aluminum) Foil
Some nice homemade elderberry wine if you have it, if not some other nice red wine..
Some Broth if you have it
A skillet of hot Grease
herbs and spices
Amazing Deck Family Farm Pork Roast

So first you brown the Roast in a pan of hot grease, this sweetens up the Fat.
Then you set it down on a piece of parchment paper that is sitting on a piece of tin (aluminum) foil.

You add your herbs and spices and wine... I used garlic and Sage for this pork roast. For Lamb I use dried mint leaves all crumpled up...and maybe a little sage and Garlic. And I didn't have an onion, but onion is also very important as it is a natural tenderizer. And I like to caramelize them before I add them, makes em really sweet.
That will suck all the juices out.
Then you wrap it up real tight.
(The reason for the parchment paper is that Taryn doesn't like to have food touching aluminum because it causes Alzheimer's....)... and It needs to be wrapped really tight so it cooks in it's own juices. (you can even add a little of that broth if you had it).
This tight wrap is essential, sorry no crock pots or dutch ovens without wrapping it....
Then you stick it in the oven on really low, like 275, and leave it all day...

Then you take it out and can salt it now and eat it with some good healthy fermented food like sauerkraut or kim chee or some other fermented vegetable.  Then after it digests a while, dance and sing and UH, do any other thing that comes to mind...

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