Tuesday, March 7, 2017

This Quickening is Killing Me

Most of what I write,
 is my soul talking to me,
 reiterating things I need to remember.
 This "Quickening" is killing me,
 My souls nature is Light and Airy and Fiery, 
yet I'm turning to stone here, 
solid and heavy. 
In fact I've just recently had a fairly huge stone form on my chest, on a spot where I was once shot and killed...it was some weird form of Cancer, growing fast....made of Keratin, like hard fingernails in a perfect circle as big as a 45 caliber exit wound and standing out a good quarter inch. 
I had it Cut Out,
 but it's roots are still there, 
lifetimes deep.
And I created it, just like I have the pain in my spine opposite it, that has needed adjustment since I was a young man....  I created these things, and the pain I've had inside my chest since I was a teen, acid reflux on the same direct line that bullet took. 
 We store Traumas in our astral bodies,
 they reflect into our etheric bodies, 
and eventually manifest in our physical bodies
and we can carry them for Lifetimes. 
They are built upon Dualistic Judgments. 

I slit a mans throat once, 
a couple lifetimes ago..... 
He was with the soldiers that were murdering my clan. 
 I was very psychic then, 
I saw his family, his kids when I killed him,
 I also saw how he was not in Integrity with his soul, 
but was acting against it...... 
as I was when I slit his throat. 
And I can try to mentalize my way out of my ..... guilt....
but I refuse to let it Be.
  Just like another instance in another life that I still cling to,
 even though it harms me in this one.  
Some folks might say that I need to forgive myself...and him, 
but here's the thing about that.
 Forgiveness, for those who have culminated.....
is a Crock,
 it is actually counterproductive...
It is what "the Church", that champion of Duality would propose. Forgiveness can only exist alongside Judgement based in duality.... When there is forgiveness there is always an assumed "Wrong". 
Once our direction changes and our goal becomes Unity, rather than a Unique Separate Expression, we can no longer play by duality's rules...
Our Judgments of Wrong and Right must be replaced by a simple and clear perception of the Truth of things....and the Truth of things is Never defined within duality....
that is just opinion, just descriptions..... 
To forgive we are maintaining a duality rather than cultivating a clear perception. 
 So I don't need to Forgive myself or Him, 
I simply need to allow it to be what it is beyond the dualistic description. 
 But I refuse to do that...


There is this very counterproductive quirk of my nature, I've had it as long as I can remember.  

And these days, and this past election brought so loudly to my consciousness the lack of Integrity that has gripped the masses. 
People making choices and focusing the Power of their Intentions towards things that their souls are not in agreement with...  
This lack of Integrity, 
which I have been guilty of, 
especially in those two past life situations that I refuse to let go..... is at the heart of so much of mankind's suffering.
 And the Karma and future disease created by this lack of integrity.....
I feel like I need to take some responsibility for, 
because as I look around at all these masses of folks that don't even realize what they have done.....and the Karma that that lack of integrity has created for all mankind....
I feel like ,
"Damn, somebody has to take responsibility for it"
...and for some crazy ass reason I've always felt the need to do that. Like it's my freakin job.
  Where did I get that idea? 
 It does not serve me well. 
So here we are in this Quickening, and those of us that have changed direction are facing our Karma hard core....and I hate to tell you this but there is some very nasty stuff coming up because of the lack of integrity that has sort of been forced upon people via a fear generated for precisely that purpose. 
You know I guess what really hurt me to my core in this last election and some of the other forced choices I've seen across the globe, where folks followed Fear and employed their Intention in a misguided attempt to protect themselves from that fear. That mass employment of Fear Based Intention WILL manifest Disease and Dis Ease of epic proportions, but what hurt me to my core was seeing so many folks who had changed direction, who were on the path to Unity, partaking of this....being tricked into halting their evolution....and I was seeing this on a mass scale. 
You know I've said before that Good and Evil are mostly just Judgments based in duality, but the one and only True Evil, is that which halts evolution. 
And remember that the first part of our evolution is one into deeper darkness...... that path which the Church has defined as Bad or Evil, and by so doing has perpetrated upon many poor souls actions and dictates that do not allow for Natural Evolution, thereby making the Church really one of the main instigators of True Evil.
So what do I have to do to release myself from this Karma that I cling to ?

And my soul answers, "just make the decision." 

And the rest of my being answers,

"Then who will take responsibility for it,

innocent children dying from new awful diseases?"


"It is what it is" my soul answers.

"And what it is Sucks," I reply.

I don't think I'm making any progress here....

Maybe I'll do better in the Dreamtime. 


  1. Wow Jeff. This is something I feel the need to print, in order to be with the message you're sharing, on a daily basis. You good with me doing that? You are a powerful writer. I hope to achieve that at some point.

    1. Thanks John, print away...You know the most difficult part of my writing is all the walls I hit that have been programmed into my DNA, like there are just some places you are not supposed to go, so many things I've been afraid to say.. When I was in my late teens and early 20's the only way I could write was if I just wrote to myself or pretended my audience was far in the future. Still quite often I'll find myself convulsing slightly via Kundalini burning up against those forbidden topics. For so many years whenever I had that rare conversation with someone that might understand what I was attempting to access, I'd convulse like I was being electrocuted. I still have stacks of those journals written back in those wild and crazy days that I'm keeping to bequeath to ...... people I don't know yet.

  2. I think that we don't let go because if we do, who will be left to be witness. a witness to the love and pain and intensity. and maybe disease and scars are worth keeping around because they pale in comparison to loyalty and a guard against amnesia. It seems like a lot of the world is walking around in a collective amnesia, forgetting that we have walked down this path before and everyone loses. today, more than ever, our old scars are starting to throb and bleed again. But I do beliee there is a way to remember and hold the love and forgiveness of that clansman in your heart and remain aware without it making you sick. but its tricky. but still important.


    1. Yeah , I think you are right about why we don't let go.... But I think this is a mistake, and I haven't been able to shake it yet.
      But the thing is that it isn't amnesia. Yes, some of us have walked down that path before, but many others have not...and the thing is, just as we did, they must. And it is a self seeking destructive path, but that is how it works, that's the Plan..This is the most misunderstood reality for those on the return path. .. And those of us that have walked it get in a bad habit of condemning those who are now.....simply doing what they must, evolving into greater density in matter (for lack of better words)... But the Truth is that our condemnation of them is really just one of ourselves, of our own past on that side of the Wheel. But this constrains us, it binds us to Duality and virtually halts our own evolution. We Are One Thing, The Whole Wheel, not just that turn of it that is discarding the “darkness”, but also that part that is Building it, that is deepening it. The Duality will maintain a Balance, but our task is to remove ourselves from that Duality, and come into Oneness. We can not do that by fighting that part of ourselves we would prefer to deny. For those of us on the return path, there can be amnesia....but that is OK because our path is all about Remembering....and allowing those things to be, without our Dualistic Interpretations of them. There is Nothing to Forgive . And there is no amnesia in all of those souls still culminating on the Collecting side of evolution...they are just doing what they must in each of their own unique ways, through the chasing of Pleasure and Running from Pain and Fear. We see the destruction that we ourselves long ago also wrought upon the world, as we built ourselves in Form as Law requires, and now as we are on the return path so to speak we tend to condemn it. Our condemnation of them binds us to Duality, to our own past “transgressions” ….yet they are simply doing what they must, as we did. The Tricky part is learning to view things not through our old concepts of good and bad, fear and desire, but rather with a Peaceful Clarity of Heart....This is the Tricky part and the only way we can truly be helpful. Love is not an emotion, and emotion is a thing of Duality. The emotions ceased serving us once we Culminated, yet we cling to them because they are what we built ourselves upon.
      We are now here to Serve Unity, and we can not do this clinging to a dualistic view of the world. It is very tricky because the Path of Return isn't taught in schools or churches or our homes, where our parents may still be Collecting their Description.and schools and churches are the bastions of Duality... And that path into Culmination is pretty much a freakin free for all without a lot of rules, just get what you want and shun what you don't. But the path back, of facing the world …..our description built in duality and all the judgments that built us into the persons we became.....is hard and painful, because from this new perspective we see that “it was all “wrong” and that feels like crap and we still cling to the habit of avoiding pain.
      The path back changes what need to be our motivations.
      Desire becomes Aspiration
      Our Fears and hatreds are our greatest teachers and they no longer can dictate our route through Life, but rather must reflect back to us our own folly now on the path of return when we fall back upon them for counsel. They had their time, they did their job for us, as they still are for so many, but now they only serve to show us how we became what we now are unraveling.
      We are facing what we became, from the opposite direction.....
      We must learn to see with New Eyes in every moment, not in our old ways where everything we perceived was simply the end result of a long cultivated within duality description built upon judgments.
      Instead of looking through the eyes of emotion we must look at all things through the eyes of Love.
      This is our Path, our Task..... and it is very difficult.



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