A Ghost Trying to be Human Again

A Ghost, Trying to Be Human Again

45 years ago I died.

We've all heard about Ghosts,

but few really know what a Ghost is,

and why.

But I better back up a few years to 1970.

On the outside I was just a Normal guy,

I worked at Pacific Telephone in the Bay Area.

One day I had an uncontrollable urge to drive into

the Santa Cruz Mountains.

I found a trailhead for Mt. Helen, or Ellen,

I don't recall exactly.

I climbed the mountain 

and sat on the top.

I looked around.

The Beauty was more than I could bear.

I started crying.

I never wanted to leave this Beauty.

I wished that I had a camera, so I could somehow,

keep it forever.

Then a voice came in my head,

it said, 

"open your eyes wide, and take it all in,

fill your mind with it, like your mind is a camera."

I did this, but something happened.

At first it was like I dissolved into,

this .....

Blissful eternal White Light.

I wasn't there any more.

Then all of a sudden I was,

but I wasn't sitting on that mountain top,

but rather I was like on the outer edge,

of this Huge Golden Web.

And all the points where the Web crossed,

were Souls.

It was like looking back in on Creation.

(he he, just a quick note,

I had not yet discovered drugs).

The experience was....

Cosmic.

Then I was back in my body, sitting on the Mountain.

But I wasn't the same person.

Picture of me a few days later

I literally could feel the Trees,

I could feel the Life pulsing around me.

And it was leading me somewhere.

And I followed....the whole way feeling

as though the trees were guiding me.

I can still see the road I drove, 

into town, into Palo Alto,

into a bookstore, (the Plowshare)

into the back of the bookstore,

into the Spiritual Section.

I walked over to the shelves and picked up three books.

Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrine,

White Magic by Alice Bailey,

and The Light of the Soul

 (translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanlili).

Up to that point I was not what you'd call, 

in any way shape or form,

"a Spiritual guy".

I took the books home, 

and started reading the Treatise on White Magic.

Then I went to sleep.

The next thing I know I am in this place,

I came to call, "the White Hall".

And there is nothing but White everywhere,

and there is this guy,

at least I suppose it was a guy, I could never look at his face

without dissolving into Light.

But I could see his hands,

and his white cloak....and he was TALL.

And he was telling me everything I had read,

HMM,

more like showing me....it wasn't words...

And he was going on from there and showing me so much more.

The next day I went back to my reading 

to find that everything I was shown,

was the next lesson in the book.

It was intense, but really congealed the lesson.

These lessons were more like Practices,

like meditations.

Well we met Nightly,

I was shown so many things,

basically different Paths,

that all led to the same place.

The Light.

This was a very Intense period.

soon I was aware of other Teachers,

that were with me during the day,

guiding me.

They actually used my Girlfriend,

hmmm, that sounds kind of weird,

like possession or something. 

But no, it was gentle,

To be brutally honest,  

Well, crap, this is difficult to explain.

OK, so the first thing I learned in these lessons,

was True Contemplation.

That is following things to their Source, 

to the point where they were simple archetypes...

the seeds of what we perceive...

and then to the point right beyond that,

which is the Intention of the Seed...

The Light.

They used her to ask me questions,

that I would then follow to the Seed,

then to the Light.

WOW,

I just realized this is Basic ,

what is called, 5th Ray Technique...

Which at that time was my most prevalent operating procedure.

(In my Line of Teachers there are what is called 7 Rays.)

These "Rays" are basically modes of evolution.

Every person's Soul....and Personality operate within these Rays.

So, once I had this whole art of contemplation down,

HOLY CRAP !!

I was taken on a lot of Journeys.

My Teachers wanted me to learn the Approach of All 7 Rays,

so I could make peoples Journeys easier.

Thing is, we're all searching eventually,

for Freedom, for the the Pure Light of our Souls.

But we look out in the world,

and once the urge really hits.....

it's difficult to find our path.

There are so many out there.

I mean we are often born into a particular religion,

that claims to be ,"The Path".

Or we see different forms of Spiritual Disciplines,

but we don't really sync. with them.

And that's because they are not on our particular Ray.

So they wanted me to learn them all.

I'm an Aires. 

We don't make the best students,

or I should say, 'Followers".

They had "Rules"....guidelines....

I mean I followed as far as learning the lessons....

But then I broke rules to see

why I wasn't supposed to break them.

This led to my "Death".

Now this Light I speak of,

this Light of Eternity, of our Souls... of God,

has a quality of Intense Evolution.

The more time we spend there, the more we evolve.

One of my Teachers Rules was,

to take it slow.

HE HE, Yeah RIGHT!!!

Tell an Aries to, "take it slow".

This was an intensely Magical period. 

I was still working for Ma Bell,

but even while I was working, I was ....

contemplating.

I didn't look at a wall, I looked through it.

I didn't look at people, 

I looked at their energy bodies....

I spent all the time I could,

In the Light.

Every day I was a totally different person from the day before,

as time in the Light, literally burns away

what has hitherto defined us.

This makes it difficult for those who, Know" us.

So one Technique I learned was what I have come to call,

"Yoga of the Death State".

Basically it was going through the process of Dying,

without cutting the cord that binds us to our bodies.

Now this was a Trip and had some hard and fast rules.

The main rule was to go straight through,

to the Light on the other side....

NO Distractions...Ever.

You see this process of Death takes place on the Astral Plane,

and by it's very Nature it is built in 

what you might call, Desire Matter.

This is where we find the Heavens and Hells that you hear about in various religions....

I was to avoid these at all cost.

Yeah Right.

I didn't, once I decided to check them out.

Now when you are actually consciously travelling

this In Between Time, as I call it....

from the outside, these actually look like planets,

floating in space.

And there are a bunch.

But it's all about frequency/vibration/magnetism out there.

We are drawn to...or they are drawn to us, because their is a particular resonance.

I pulled into one....they actually have a gravitational pull...

It was a totally different world, different time,

and I was like a different person.

And I forgot who I was here.

It's like a lucid dream, but it has such a strong

what I call Momentum (in this plane where we live I suppose you'd call it Time)

But it grabs you and pulls you along.

I was living in this different world,

I was a person that in this world I'd judge as an egotistical, low life (rich) asshole.

And it's all I knew, I had my friends there, my whole reality...

Then My Teachers started "yelling at me"...

they pulled me out... But....

I pulled into another,

this one was really a trip...

Not Human, what we would call Aliens,

Tall Grey Big eyes, 

classic what you see sometimes from peoples described encounters... I was one of them.

My Teachers got me out quicker...

But there I was.....

this is hard to describe, but once we make that choice,

it's like a habit....automatic.

I started to pull into a third, but like I say,

they have a gravitational pull,

and my Teachers showed me how to use it,

to throw myself out of orbit, so to speak.

A trippy thing is I've seen this done

 in some science fiction space movie once.

So I went to the Light.

But there is something else out there

in the in-between time.

I call it the,"Construct".

It is possibly what Don Juan calls, The Double.

I don't know how, but I knew all about it.

Maybe my Teachers told me, but I'm sure I ever looked at it.

It was like the Biggest No No of all.

For me it exists over my right shoulder

and a little bit behind me.

In the In Between Time....the astral plane.

Now what this is is an energetic reflection of ourselves,

or more accurately of  who we just were.

You could call it our Souls Reflection,

or maybe our Souls ,"Dark Side"

You see we've been around for a lot of Lifetimes,

and over all that time a lot of energy of thought

and emotion, from ourselves and others who "know us"

 has gone into defining,

"Who we Are".

The basic Law of Creation is that 

Maintained energy of thought, will and mind,

will eventually manifest something.

This Construct is such a thing.

And another Law of Creation I just recently 

figured out in relation to this matter is,

Eventually the Creation can become,

Self Motivated.

YIKES...

so we all have this Construct that is like a Reflection/entity

of who we were...

That I now realize after a certain point

gains it's own Evolution.

This bears future Contemplation.

Now in this In Between Realm there are Laws,

they are similar to our Laws here, like Gravity, like Time etc.

The Law of Magnetism is very dominant here.

We are "Moved" by our Attention.

This is why my Teachers demanded my attention only be upon the Light,

at the other side... Because distractions here...

can be detrimental to our Evolution.

Remember how I said that if we change drastically every day,

if each day we are totally different than the day before,

because we have evolved maybe 100 years worth in a few minutes,

the folks around us and in our lives,

can have a hard time with that...

Freaks em out.

OH, first let me tell you what a Ghost is and Why.

A Ghost as we know them is a Soul/Consciousness,

that in the "in Between Time",

had looked back...

Normally when we die we have a very strong forward momentum,

but occasionally there is a Soul that is just too connected to

what was that it refuses to let go...

It gazes back and there is it's Construct.

That Construct, via Magnetism...

is pulled into them....

They literally become trapped in 

who they were.

So it was 1974,

I spent a lot of time, In the Light.

There was zero resemblance to who I was 4 years before.

One day I was sitting in my girlfriends parents house,

where she lived and I was staying at the time.

I was in a very High State of Contemplation of everything in my field of Vision.

A fly flew across the room,

I saw it's entire Life from beginning to end.

Then the front door opened and my girlfriend walked in.

In that moment I saw her entire life,

it was like that point when we die, right before we are reborn,

where our future sits in front of us...

But it's like a river of many forks, or a tree of many branches...

Some are like going off really nowhere...

There is like the main River that leads to the Ocean,

and the Ocean is the final Goal,

and all the little side branches are...

just distractions....

So I saw her Life like this, I saw all of her future ....

choices....the branches of her river.

I saw what would distract her, and what would lead her to the "Ocean".

This was all in a Flash...

Then I saw my consciousness cross the room towards her, and hers cross the room towards me....and meet in the Middle.

At that exact point she Burst into Tears, she was Hysterical.

I was ecstatic at seeing what would amount to

the ability to guide her without distraction,

to the Light.

Then I was....confused, perplexed....she was crying,

hysterical.

 I asked her what was wrong and she said,

"I want you the way you used to be".

I loved her and I had just seen something that could

greatly help her. At least so I believed.

And being still in that contemplative state,

I saw that I could probably do as she asked...

Stupid stupid stupid stupid .

I said, "OKAY, if you promise to go to the Light with me,

I'll give it a try." I figured since I could see all the choices she would come up against, and I could see the ones that were distractions...I could help her evolve towards the Light more easily.

So I did my little, Yoga of the Death State thing.

And I looked back at my Construct.

I knew it was there, but really not what to expect.

What I saw was this form, like a cocoon,

and it was shedding, like a snake.

Pieces were falling off it and floating away.

So I thought that all those pieces floating away,

were who I used to be,

the things that had dropped away.

So I merely focused on them, 

and they were drawn in to me....

I pulled them all into myself, 

and was back in the room with her.

BUT OMG

My Teachers....were gone,

I could not "see" anything..

Except now I FELT EVERYTHING.

I could feel all the people in the surrounding apartments,

feel their thoughts and Fears....

For like a whole city block.

That is the Day I became a Ghost.

We got married, moved into our own apartment...

I was still working at Ma Bell,

But I was feeling everything.

It was hard core.

Peoples diseases, fears, thoughts, emotions....

All inside of me.

Life became very difficult to say the least.

I was working 6 days a week now inside putting a new Centrex at Stanford University.

On the 7th day I was doing line repairs on telephone poles outside.

The only time I could deal with having everything inside me,

was when I was, "In the Light".

And I guess it was my souls defense mechanism,

that it kept putting me there...

It was out of my Control.

I'd be up on a telephone pole,

then suddenly out of my body,

in the Light.

Then one day I was working in the Centrex building

and I felt myself going into the Light.

I went into the bathroom stall and sat down

and went into the Light...

And stayed there.

I couldn't get back to my body.

I guess they finally found me there and drove me home...

Everything for a square mile was inside me,

and we were in a populated area.

I had to quit my job,

we moved into a VW bus as far from Humans as possible.

It turns out that we evolve in a very defined sequence.

We add this, to this, to this, to this.

(until that point where we reverse the process)

Order is involved in our evolution....

on both turns of the wheel.

The first turn we collect that definition of ourselves in a very precise order...

On the return trip, we remove what we have collected in the opposite order.

Well that day I "died",

I just grabbed old pieces of my definition,

in whatever order...... out of order

I was Out Of Order.

I call this my Humpty Dumpty Episode.

I'm still a Ghost.

For many years I was barely on the Earth.

My wives have described me as a balloon floating around that they had to hold on to the string to keep me from floating away.

That was pretty accurate.

Well, so I've spent the last 45 years,

trying to "reorder my Island",

to use Don Juan terminology.

In the early years after my "Death",

i needed to find a way to be able to be around humans...

The only one I could find was very detrimental to my health....

I knew it would be but knew no alternative.

I have avoided the Light like the Plague,

even though I know it is my salvation

I have needed to solidify,

to exist in this Form.

But I'm getting closer,

almost ready.

Then I can let it all go again...

There are things we can do to greatly enhance our Evolution..

In my Humpty Dumpty Episode 

I actually found a way to Reverse it.

NEVER be Humpty Dumpty..

There is no wrong

greater than that.

Evolve....