Humpty Dumpty and the Ghosts Memory

 

Humpty Dumpty and the Ghosts Memory

 

I've attempted writing this quite a few times, and it's never quite been Right... but....who would the audience be ?.... I knew not a single person that would understand any of this, so it was always stilted..... But I am writing it now in the Direction of some folks that have read Carlos Castaneda's works and some are following the Disciplines. Carlos was an apprentice of Don Juan, a very Magical Dude with understanding beyond the Matrix/Tonal of the majority of Humanity.... So I'm hoping maybe with some Translation parts of this can be understandable... What is my Intention of doing this Recapitulation? Well, about 45 years ago I did some....Crazy Magic.... The Results were...catastrophic. I have spent the rest of my life recovering from that. Things had sort of ,”Normalized” until 2020 when the Black Magicians made a major Play at Control and manipulation designed to Create Fear....(which they feed off of) , and Division among the people of Humanity... (which they also Feed off of)... So they created this Bogus Fear and put it out into the world via multiple modalities. They used the media, as they always do, they used the governments that they control, they used certain technology to Feed certain Frequencies also designed to...Feed Fear and create Division.... and even create physical manifestations of disease..... And the world went Bat Shit Crazy..... OK, I don't have a lot of spare time to write these days so I found something I wrote about this years ago, and will cut and paste and....embellish from a new position of my assemblage point.

:So I guess I'll begin with some History

that will be useful in understanding the 

Big Picture here.

In my past life I lived in a Monastery in Tibet.

I had 2 primary Teachers.

That really pissed me off... he he

I'm finally admitting this. 

because I think it's central to what got me here.

This Life was spent mostly in Meditation

and exploring the boundaries of what is Humanly possible.

(here's a tip.... ANYTHING)

But the Chinese soldiers were coming.

We could have run...

we could have hidden,

or we could have simply bowed down to them...

And Lived.

My teachers knew this.

But they said that our time,

isolated from the rest of world was over

that all over the world the isolated groups like us,

were making the conscious choice...

to spread out across the Globe.

And this was done mostly through the help of

the bullets of the Oppressors.  

We were told to allow them to kill us...

I had a slight problem with that...

(probably quite a bit more then Slight)

But I agreed.

We were given the choice of bow down and live.

Or stand up and die.

We all died,

but unfortunately I couldn't bear to look into the eyes

of the soldier....

I was towards the middle of the row of monks.

They went one by one shooting us in the heads.

And when my turn came I couldn't bear to look into the face of the soldier..

it wasn't so much fear....

but I couldn't bear to "see" him.

It was like looking into Hell,

and it wasn't really one of his choosing...

And I cast my eyes down.

( I had conveniently forgotten this little guilt creating choice, until I was reminded about it by a Magical old guy earlier in this Life...

who just happened to be there when he was a young man in this one.)

At least this is what I have believed all my Life because his description of the day was spot on, even better then my memory...But just a few days ago wile doing this recap I realized maybe he was just a really good,”Seer”. Pretty sure this could be the case because that was a theme of lessons he was giving me.... (wow, that took a while to figure out).

You can read a little about that in my "Coming out of the Scary Weirdness closet" post here: Scroll down to Section 6C

So my last thought before I was shot was,

OH, CRAP..... my Brothers will think I was bowing down when I lowered my eyes.

I've carried a lot of guilt about that....

But the whole reason I mention this

 is just so you'll understand why,

in this Life...

I only listened to my Teachers when I felt like it. 

Because in 1970 after my "Experience" on that Mountain..

(which you can also probably read about under the link posted above)...

My teachers returned to my Life...

in a big freakin way.

Only difference was they didn't have bodies attached.

So that was pretty monumental.

And we took up right where we had left off in the previous life.

Mainly exploring the boundaries...

or lack thereof

of the Universe.

This brings us to a primary practice which I've dubbed,

"Yoga of the Death State".

Which was basically going through the whole process of Dying,

without cutting that cord that binds us to our bodies...

And this "Yoga's" purpose was not to learn a lot of interesting stuff..

but to amplify evolution.

You see every time we die,

at least once we're at a certain evolutionary stage,

(past the halfway point on the wheel)

the longer amount of time we spend "in the Light" part of the death experience...

the more we evolve.

The whole rule for this Yoga was..

Don't be distracted by the Heavens and Hells

or anything else...

and go straight to the Light..

And stay in it as long as possible.

(of course I cheated a few times)....WHEW!

(if you want to know more about the death process I'm sure I've written about it in this blog, just use the "search" option at the top right of the page).

So ....

I was a maniac...

My teachers told me to only do this yoga a limited amount...

in fact it was probably under conditions of their,

"Rule of Three".

They had this thing called the rule of Three...

Basically they said we humans are way too habitual Creatures..

Routines are Traps.

And they were showing me how to do some AMAZING things.

But they said if I did any of them more than three times..

I would become habituated to them

and they would become a hindrance....

This is one of those cases where my deep seated repressed anger made me do just what I wanted..

So I spent a lot of time 

basically dying and going 

"Into the Light".

Well this has a very dramatic effect.

When we do it when we are really dead,

it's no big freakin deal because

we're born again in a whole new body, as a baby

and folks get to know us slowly.

But when we are doing it, 

when we are alive...

each time we come out of it...

we're a totally different person from the one who went in.

Because that Light.. (Nagual/ Eternity)

and the longer we spend in it...

is what evolves us.. in the death state

(after that midway in evolution point).

So  the outside world,

and most notably my girlfriend,

would suddenly be faced with a totally different person than she knew the day before.

(you can read a little about this in section 5 of the link above)

But the upshot was.....

She eventually freaked.....

I remember that day fairly clearly....

I was staying with her at her parents house,

she was still in High School...living at one end of the SF Bay,

and I worked at the other....and commuted twice a day.

Well on my way home after my morning shift I had a very profound experience...well never mind that, but my Teacher Intervened with a crisis I was having...

(They had rules about how quickly we....Cleared our Island, for a Reason..... I cheated and suffered the difficulties....)

But My Teacher told me something that ….had a very Freeing effect.... And I...well, crap. I really should explain it... I just feel this Time pressure because we are so Busy....all the time.

OK, so...as I was driving along, recapping my morning...

it seemed to me that everything I had done and said and thought at work that day was just ….plain Stupid.

When you are constantly going into the Light, Shadows are constantly playing back into the Tonal...

I constantly felt as Dumb as Carlos....he he...

and it sucked.

So I say out Loud,
“OK, I'm done meditating, I'm done doing the Yoga of the Death State and all this other stuff.

I'm done going into the Light...I don't need to feel like the stupidest person an the Planet, Later...

And then my Teacher enters the scene and tells me something like,

“ When you look in the Mirror, you must understand that you are Looking at who you WERE...

Who you ARE,

is the one who is Looking..

Switch your Identification to the one who is Looking,

not your pasts Reflection...

WOW!!!

That hit home in that Instant....

I was back on the Horse....

I went to their apartment,

nobody was home.

I sat in the living room and meditated.

I remember thinking,

which path should I follow this time to the Nagual...

(I had been shown Many)..

and this weird thing happened..

I would follow one path, say....the Sound....

and I'd get right up to the place I had dubbed,

the “doorstep of Eternity”,

or

“God's Threshold”...

This is that place right before you, Jump off into eternity..

into the Light.

So I'd follow one path to the Doorstep....

Stop there...

Feel a wrongness about being there Alone..

I mean about Jumping off alone...

and a loneliness almost as vast as Eternity....

So I'd stop, go back and follow another path,

stop at the doorstep,

and do this over and over....

Then I decided...

This isn't working,

so I just “stopped the world”.

I was sitting there in Silence watching this fly in the room...

well, really just seeing the whole room with this fly in it.

And I saw the fly's entire Life...

as if time....Changed totally and was no longer a ….

limiting factor of my awareness.

Then the front door opened and my girlfriend/Future wife (a couple years later)

walked in.

I was in this Timeless Place.

I saw her consciousness come towards me...

I saw mine going out towards her...

Our Cords met and merged in the middle of the Room.

Suddenly I was seeing her Future life,

the same way we see it between Lives

when we are Plotting our reentry.

And I saw her....choices...,

Well, it's like you are looking at this Big wide River, and it has these tributaries that run off to nowhere....

Those tributaries are ...Choices we have made that has taken us off the Main River... Indulgences that cost us...evolution...

Then I saw her face.... and heard her screams.

She was FREAKING OUT.

Now granted it wasn't easy for her.

Every time I'd spend some Time in the Light of the Nagual it would drastically brush a lot of useless stuff off of my Island and into the Ocean, and when I'd come back to my body I was an entirely different person from who I was 20 minutes before...and I did this a lot...

Now she was Freaking out.... and I had just ,”Seen” her

easiest Path to the Nagual and the obstructions and their.... solutions...

She's crying,

and she say's

“I want you to go back to who you WERE”...

There is just so much more to this.

She was very Young...in this Life,

and in Lives in general.

This had made her a very Clear Conduit for my Teachers..

And we'd spend hours and hours driving around,

8 track playing....

and through her my Teachers would....ask the next pertinent question that would aid my evolution...

EVERYTHING has a pattern, and is all about ORDER.

And the Magic is in the Pattern.

(Don Juan's Lineage of Seers and Dreamers are like pattern Explorers.... They use the patterns of the cords to Unravel the world of the Tonal.)

This is the basis of their, “Knowledge and Magic”.

So, I was pretty attached to my Girlfriend for many reasons.

So I say to her,
If you promise to come to the Light with me,
I'll try to go back to who I was....

Crazy Huh?

But I had learned some things traveling the Death Realm

over and over.

I learned... superficially about this thing I have come to call our,”Construct”.

And I made the 

HMM???

what's the word...

CRAZIEST 

decision a human could make.

And one I doubt many LIVING  souls

have ever made.

(although maybe one in a million DEAD souls make it...

as it's where "Ghosts" come from.)

I literally became a Living Ghost as the outcome of what I've come to call,

My Humpty Dumpty Episode.

(also written about a little in the Coming out of the Scary Weirdness Closet).”

OK, breaking in here,

I wasn't just a Ghost.... but worse then that...a Ghosts Memory...

back to the old narrative,

“So I'm going to tell you where ghosts come from.

There is something that humans have that I've dubbed,

"the Construct"

It probably has an official name, but I don't know it.

Basically it is an Astral Reflection.

It is an energetic pattern so to speak..

of who we WERE.

Note that it is past tense.

It's also what folks see when they die,

if they are still in the "tunnel"

as their "dearly departed loved ones."

It is actually their,"Constructs"

Because we don't see our group....

inside the "tunnel"

(which by the way is the spinal column).

We do see our "group right outside of it...

Anyway

All the energy of thought and emotion that has gone into defining us..... has by Law got to manifest after a certain amount of time.

So all except very new souls have this Construct...

which is literally like a shadow that follows us around on the astral plane during the death process..

And once we get past the halfway point in our evolution....

(once we,”Change Direction”)

where our souls process changes from collecting...

to discarding....

this construct begins to ...

break apart.

It's like with every...

evolutionary step we take..

part of that construct sheds off,

like skin from a snake...

yet it still kind of floats for a time in the orbit of the construct.

Anyway, a ghost is a soul that instead of going forward through the death process....

which is Normal

it looks back upon it's construct...

(I think a lot of old Myths were built around this)

the whole "turning to stone or salt or whatever" 

And because of Laws of the Astral Plane where this occurs...

it is drawn towards...

and merges with it's construct...

Basically binding itself to who it WAS.

Well when my girlfriend

(who I loved deeply, or so I thought)

was FREAKING

and begging me to go back to ,

"Who I was"..

And considering that at that moment I could "see"

all her future.... choices aiding her evolution...

I said,

"If I do will you come to the "light" with me."

She said yes....

It suited me to believe that..

and against my teachers basically yelling,

I did my little Yoga of the Death State,

Broke a major rule,

and turned to look at my construct....”

Current time:

But I didn't put my attention on My Construct, but had this idea that the shedding skin of my Construct was who I most recently WAS, so I put my attention on them....

And By doing that, all those 

Pieces of myself that had been shed from my Construct

came crashing back to me.

(the Law of Magnetism is pretty freakin MAJOR on the astral plane).

Problem is attaching to our Construct IS what makes us a Ghost,

and is most akin to who we most recently were..

But attaching to the shedded skin was pulling back stuff that wasn't even a part of me in any recent history.

The most important lesson my teachers gave me about dying was...

Keep focused upon the Light...

and don't be distracted....

But for this purpose I had to be...

But the problem was, 

 all these pieces originally were collected in a very precise order.

And Shed from the Construct in a certain order...

But this lame ass move brought them all crashing back to me...

just a big mish mash.

No order at all...and It wasn't the Construct that I was using to reconsolodate my Tonal with, BUT what you might call my Constructs older lost memories.

And when I came out of it...

I could no longer hear my teachers,

I could no longer see my girlfriends

  Path and choices... 

And I was a freakin Psychic Mess.

I was totally OPEN

Like Autistic..

And I felt all the emotions, physical pains

 and thoughts of people within about a city block.

And I lived in a densely populated area of apartments....

My Will, my Intention was also OFF THJE CHARTS.

YIKES!!!!!

I maintained somehow,

I don't even know how...
Will Mostly...

I didn't last long.

Maybe 2 years...

The only way I could survive..

Was by going into the Light....

And I was a Telephone Man..

Going into the Light on the top of a Pole..

Wasn't conducive to my health..

and it kept happening

all by Itslef...

I also was working inside in "Frames".

Putting a new Centrex in at Stanford University.

.

And here is something Interesting...

I was working with all these ,”Normal” humans,

keeping to Myself mostly...

But then at lunch one day this guy, I didn't even know him, they actually worked out of Western Electric and I was Pacific Telephone...

But this guy out of Nowhere asks me if I had read Carlos's books....

and that flicked a switch...

I went back in the dark behind the frames..

and Flashed OUT into the Light.

I finally gathered myself together and went into a bathroom stall..

I couldn't come out of the Light...

They took me home....

We were recently married now and had an apartment...

When I finally came back into my Body....HOLY SHIT!

What's all that Noise...??

I went outside because I felt like I was suffocating...

I was hearing all these voices...and feeling all these different things,

not coming from me..

Then I spotted a woman at the end of the block....

my attention went there and suddenly she was inside me....

she was having a Hard Time....

They begged me to come back to work because fact is I was the only doing anything... and when I left they couldn't get the job done in time and it cost em a Million bucks, literally...

But that was NOT my Problem.

I had to quit my job and move into a VW bus with my now wife...

as far from humans as possible.

I also had this ability to heal folks....

which was pretty cool, 

but Not.

Because the way it worked was,

someone would come into our camp..

And I was wide open,

so it was like all of their 'Stuff"

was inside of me...

And generally I'd like go into these 

Kundalini convulsions as I called them.

And the only way I could get out of it,

was by going Into the Light.....

And when I did...

they were cured and I wasn't convulsing any more...

Well you know this society isn't set up to support folks just sitting up on some mountain In the Light.

The medical profession medicated me

which didn't help much...

And I really wanted to be part of the world...

or at least felt like there were no other options...

So I made a conscious choice.....

You see when we are wide open

everything comes in through our belly region.

Like for me, near the base of the spine ..

And I found that I could maintain my solidity

around humans.... If I blocked that incoming energy,

where it came in.

I had done it at other levels up and down my spine but it caused immediate problems,

but I found if I blocked it before it came in...

I could Deal...

 I knew also that blocking energy...
.. is at the base of much disease...

(as is over amplified energy).

But on that day in the mid 70's I decided to attempt to become

part of the world...

And I willfully put an energetic block at the base of my spine...

I told my wife that it'd be a problem in 20 years...

and in about that time

I got cancer

(the oncologist said it was a slow growing kind and probably took about 13 years).

It was more like 20...

So I had that cut out...

So for a very long time I was pretty far from Normal...

all these pieces I had incorporated back into my Tonal..

had NO ORDER...

All 3 of my wives have said that they felt like I was “barely living in this world” and that they felt I was like a balloon that they had to keep a string tied to to keep me from Floating away.

So my Island became cluttered with all this random stuff that I … had no use for, and didn't make any sense to me...

I had all these abilities....

that didn't make life any easier...

So, I began reordering my Island, for like 45 years...

so I could throw all the crap back into the Ocean.

You see, you can't get rid of it, until you put it in the proper order....

(A purpose for Recapitulations)

And I somehow managed to IGNORE all the stuff coming in for years, or swat it aside....

and I started to APPEAR fairly, “Normal”.

Until the Cabal unleashed Hell upon Humanity,

and I couldn't block or swat away, or pretend it wasn't there any more....

I feel EVERY FREAKIN THING ….

When my wife and son go to town,

I feel everything that happens to them as it is happening...

When somebody is driving behind me, or in front of me, or passing me in a car...

I feel their ….Stuff.

We recently had a bunch of relatives visit....

THAT was intense...

The Degree of DISCONNECT now in the world is...

unbelievable.

People who once had sought Freedom,

are now seeking Security in their little Tonals....

Bolstering themselves against a fabricated FEAR.

And it's EVER PRESENT.

And one of the Frequencies the Black Sorcerers are flooding humanity with right now is one that say's, “If it is going to make ANYBODY uncomfortable.... you better not go there....if you do you are a bad person that doesn't care about other peoples Feelings... You know the single thing that makes folks most uncomfortable more then any other thing....

is THE TRUTH.

Humanity is being programmed to

KEEP THE TRUTH HIDDEN

at all costs,

because it “just might offend some person”....

I have lived my Life for Truth and Freedom...

and these damn fools are gonna outlaw it if they can.

I mean can you imagine the disarray my cords were in when I pulled that little Humpty Dumpty Episode....

I can't even Imagine...

My Teachers are back....

but whispering...

My Island was littered with Jigsaw Pieces that had no mates....

It's hard to order your Island when pieces are missing, and pieces that...you got rid of Centuries ago are just laying here and there with no real Connections...

My little Magic turned me into a Living Ghosts' memory...

which drastically impacted my Evolution...

But it is weird, the Normal task for a Warrior is to put in order the pieces of that JigSaw puzzle of their Tonal, so that they can then discard them into the ocean.

And all those pieces were put there in a certain order, and fit together in a perfect evolution that was the Creation of that Tonal.

We dismantle it in the opposite order...

But I have pieces strewn all around, that don't fit with any other pieces....that were not part of the sequential natural process of building a tonal....but rather were pulled out of the air from the orbit of My Construct....

in no order, and with no natural connections...

I just woke up in the middle of the night and realized I have left something important out of this narrative that might help to Clarify some things about the Nature of the cords, and who knows what else.

After my Humpty Dumpty Episode my WILL, my Intent

was off the charts.

I could do Anything I willed.

Normal Laws of the Tonal did not apply.

Gravity, solids, time....

I could run on walls and the ceiling, I could walk through walls,

I could dissipate the atoms of a thing and make it, “Disappear”.

I was doing all sorts of things just to see what could be done.

But then some things happened....

The major one was when I was driving back in the mountains and a Gang of Hells Angels started hassling me.

They were yelling and like making threatening moves on their motorcycles as if to try and push me off the road..One guy pulls up alongside me and is kinda scary... With my Will I threw him and his motorcycle off the road... But not with any thought, it was automatic... Then another guy right after him, flying through the air with his motorcycle, over a guardrail and down the mountain...A third guy came and I caught myself....this was all happening very fast... I threw him....just under the guardrail.....

Holy Shit!!!

A lot of stuff like this happened, automatically....with just the slightest amount of...thought behind it....mostly driven by ...emotion.

If I Wanted something....

it would appear, almost instantly...

As it turns out a lot of things we want....we do not need.

It got a little too magical scary with the Instant Manifestation and the...moving about of matter through space ...just from knee jerk reactions with no thought behind it.

I just thought of how when I put the Block at the base of my spine to ….keep peoples cords out of me, I think this also helped stop these instances.

I also made a conscious decision to withhold my Intent....

To Desire Nothing and Control nothing..

It was too easy, too automatic and too freakin scary...

I just decided to let Life bring me what I needed,

and not put any of my own designs upon it...

I didn't try and make anything happen in my life based upon what I thought I might want at the time....

And in the next 40 some years only used it maybe 3 times in emergency situations....

And to my surprise it still worked...

But Kind of scary.

So this gives something to ...Ponder.

What was the condition of my cords that allowed this to be. It is our cords that bind us to the Tonal....but I had Blown my Tonal apart with the too frequent trips to the Nagual.... Then I gathered back Misc. off the wall, out of order pieces of my far distant past and incorporated them....

Then I ended up Locking it all down by Blocking the cords point of entry.....

and was able to function in the world of Humans, although my wives and folks that ,”Knew” me said,I was “barely in the world.”

And that is True, I felt no attachment to the things of this world...

and things that I knew....I couldn't even talk about because nobody would understand me.

So I have pretty much Faked my way through it all for a very long time....kept the world at large Blocked at my belly as much as possible....

But I think it was my Love for Humanity that, after certain global events of Tyranny...and the all pervading FEAR it created in the masses, and watching them Comply themselves into early graves.... And no longer being able to Block the Incredible degree of the Astral Shitstorm that the Black Sorcerers Created via the Fear they had instilled in the masses, and the Division...and anger....
my Belly blew wide open again.

The Black Sorcerers now have technology to feed the Inorganic Beings that are controlling the masses....

I have watched so many people succumb, people I never thought would...

Freedom is the Central Theme of my Life, but I learned a hard lesson that ….

bottom line is, Freedom is NOT a personal matter.

We do not step off into Eternity, in the end.....alone.

And yet every day more people are being Locked Down into some Jail of Fear or anger or division by the Doings of very evil sorcerers....

They have humanity in mass acting against their own Freedom and self Interest..

Historically I have been a Warrior,

Fighting these evils that seek total Dominion over peoples Souls.

But you can no longer EDUCATE people to Free themselves.

The Frequencies of Bondage are literally Broadcast from 5G WI-FI towers are too strong.

And the masses are embracing their Lack of Freedom and wearing it like a Badge.

And I am wide open again and Feel their Suffering...

but worse then that I feel their ENTRAPMENT,

and their total lack of desire for Freedom.

They just want to be more SECURE in their little Tonal Worlds,

and blindly accept what they are being told that they need to do this with.

So it's like for the last 50 years I've had 2 states of Being.

Either NOT CONNECTED to the cords of the Tonal....

or HYPER CONNECTED...

and Neither seems a viable option.