Also be aware that things happen on multiple levels, in the following I am only talking about what happened in "ordinary reality".
I've been avoiding this Chapter for quite some Time. I just realized that this whole,"coming out of the Wierdness Closet" thing is basically as my old friend Don Juan would say, is a Recapitulation....
We all carry heaps of "Personal History" and this can be like chains around the Light of our Souls.... And in order to Heave Off these chains...first we must face them... This Don Juan called a Recapitulation. So as much as it'd be a whole lot easier to skip this crazy ass chapter and get right to the really trippy stuff when "the German" comes back and shows me the Healing/Mind control Machine.... and maybe some other things I've conveniently forgotten.
I used to think that we could ignore the Chains from our Past,
I used to say very authoritatively that,
" The demons from our Past, if we simply don't think about them,
they will go away,
they are vain little devils".
It sounded good,
I mean take the thought away and it dissipates the thought form...Right?
Psychic Scars are built not only upon thought,
but also and maybe more so, upon emotion.
And even if we can ignore the Physical Reality of a manifested thought form
through the use of strong intention..
which I am pretty good at,
I mean that's pretty funny.
Denial of Physical Reality....
But it seems that Denial is the Coping Mechanism of Choice
Even if we can deny that,
we still Have the Astral,
and Etheric Bodies to deal with.
We have three...Bodies (probably more but for this conversation....3)
The Astral Body, which you could call the emotional body
the Etheric Body which we could call the energetic, or maybe electrical body
and the Physical body, which you can call the Physical Body, he he..
Anyway through all the lifetimes that we've been playing this Game
we've collected a lot of Psychic Scars.... hitherto called Demons...
And they block our expansion
they block the influx of Light into the areas that they inhabit within us
being at the heart of much of our disease.
Wow, how did I get here, I was going to talk about the Three Witches
I wonder if I should change their names,
Nah, they know what they are and it's been a lot a years...
So now I must venture into this Recapitulation....
OK, so I come back to the City at my wife's behest.
After waiting the specified 2 weeks,
I suppose so her boyfriend, that I didn't know she had, would move out.
So I got back with a very strong Intention to keep the Higher Vantage Point that I had gained on my previous trip.
I went out on an early Saturday morning
to walk down Main Street Palo Alto...
I was smiling and sayin howdy to folks
truly loving them and the beautiful day..
And I was totally freakin them out.
Everywhere I went folks saw I wasn't in the same Box as them
and it freaked em out.
Well I'd been Freakin out family and friends I guess my whole life
and felt.... tossed aside, pushed away...unloved, because of it...
So I kinda shut down just like a Hospital Born Baby.
And went walkin back to my apartment.
Now I don't remember if my wife had already told me that she was movin in with her boyfriend yet or not, but returning home I was feelin mightly dejected, rejected, deflected, and bummed... he he
Next door to the beautiful ivy covered old apartment I lived in was a big ol white Victorian House.... and sittin out in front was a little girl, 6 years old if I recall right, named Josie.
Well we became fast friends, I decided to hell with the damn nasty assed grown up's
I was hanging with open hearted and Minded kids.
We had so much fun just playing sittin out under a tree in the dirt....
We were instant best friends..
Remember "Best Friends"
You couldn't wait till the next day so you could go hang out and have grand adventures..
Well that how I felt about Josie, and I guess she felt that way about me.
Then I guess it was inevitable that would meet her Mom, Ariel (That really was her name).
Now Ariel was one of those Physical Realities that I was doing my best to ignore
But I did notice she was devistatingly Beautiful, Reddish Hair, kinda shorter in stature.... Fiery... Freakin Hot, but as I say I was ignoring that physical reality.
Fact is I'd never known a woman that....
What is the word...?
Well I don't think there is a word for it...
She was passionately, erotically, totally and powerfully in love with her own Physical Nature and Reality.
Well my wife moved out
Ramona and the Jimmy Discount Band, and these other folks I met who lived in a double decker school bus, Christian and Maria showed up at my place and stayed for a few days...
Then Josie and Ariel moved in
and the dance Began
well actually it was more of a Battle,
then a dance.
I found an old letter she wrote me...it was in 1978 according to a note I put on the back.
Here's that letter.
Like I say, she was in Love with the Physical Nature
and I was at that crazy point in evolution where I was trying to Ignore it.
I mean when I looked at thing's I only partly saw their physicallity
I was more focussed upon the Light Within things
than the Things themselves.
And I was the same know it all pain in the ass Aries back then
that I am now,.
Ariel had told me she was a "witch".
Though that was no suprise,
it was different hearing her voice it...
Seeing her obsession with Physicallity
and probably after some uncomfortable conversations
I decided to do (what I considered to be) a little Good Magic on her.
Now I don't know if I mentioned this in earlier posts,
but once with Debbie Hooper I did an experiment in Magic.
Back then it seemed impossible for me to believe
that folks just couldn't go into the Light
like I could....
and Debbie said she'd like to experience that.
So that night I did a little magic,
it either came from one of my Teachers,
or just from deep within me
but it basically was very simple archetype manipulation.
I meditated, went to the place I called the Archetype Plane...
Might have just been the astral plane.
Projected the thought of her...which drew her "archetype"....
And I fed that with the Light...
At the same time I had a big round flat beach stone that I drew on with my eyes closed with a stick that was burned, was like a pencil
I drew a simple pattern that was symbolic of her archetype being fed with Light
and becoming One with that Light.
The next day she came up to me all excited,
She'd "seen the Light" the night before
All of a sudden out of nowhere
while she was laying in bed
( I had waited till I figured she would be..
Better chance of successs then...)
when she was all calmed down from the day.
And all of a sudden out of Nowhere she Flashed into the Light....
Well I decided in my infinite ignorance,
that Ariel needed a shot of the Light..
Because back then, since I could see the Light
within the physical
I thought of the Physical as a ....
barrier, to free flow of the Light..
Now some folks call this Light God,
some call it the Holy Spirit.
I call it the Light
because that was what it was.
Eternal, Blissful, ecstatic Love.
And in my opinion
there was nothing greater than dissolving in That
So I figured this Witch needed a good shot of the Light...
And that Night I proceeded out upon the astral Plane...
Looking for her archetype...
which on retrospect I suppose was her Astral Body,
or maybe what Don Juan calls a Double
which I finally maybe understand
is what I call "Constructs"
Anyway a "Construct" is like an energetic reflection of us..
All that we think we are
and all that we have thought and felt about ourselves
and all that has been thought and Felt about us
Has brought to fruition a very basic Cosmic Law that state's
That which we feed with energy and attention
will eventually Manifest
Well we each have this energetic Reflection that I call a construct
It lives on the Astral Plane and looks just like us
and pretty much is who we were Yesterday.
If you ever find yourself out on the astral plane
one rule is,
"Don't look over your shoulder (back)
or you'll see your Construct
and this is never really good."
Anyway I went out there and guess I was attempting to feed her archetype, or Construct with Light, like I did with Debbie...
She was there,
and fully conscious....
and Pissed off at my attempt.
I don't know exactly how to explain what happened...
but we battled out there on the astral plane
Me pushin the Light at her,
And her , not takin it
and throwin me around...
The next day I woke up pretty wasted.
I heard her on the phone,
she said she was in a "Spiritual HotHouse" and had to get out..
I was pretty blown away,
I'd never met anybody that could frequent the same strange places as me...
and get around so well there.
But she had scared the crap out of me.
She took off and I headed downstairs planning on going in the opposite direction as fast as I could on my bike.
I walked it outside
sat down on the seat....then looked down the street
Ariel was down there
looking over her shoulder
The next thing I knew my bike, and I
were flying, head over heals through the air... Crash.....
That was the last time I remember seeing her...
Well I lived in that apartment a short while longer,
I was hangin out with another kid,
Christine.... She was my Friend Larry's daughter
I told you about Larry in the post where the Teacher was on the Beach.
Chritine and I had a lot of fun,
Riding bikes, eating and making sweet foods
One day we were riding bikes and some guy pulls up and askes her about modeling..
She was pretty tall like her Mom (who had been a model)
Well I just figured he was a pervert,
But she became a very famous model, not too long thereafter.
You can probably still Google her.
Here's a pic she took in one of those picture Booths and then there are a couple from the Victoria's Secret Catalog after she grew up some and got famous.
I think she might have started with Victoria's Secret...but then went to Italy, got real famous, came back here got more famous, and married this actor dude I always kinda liked.... and had a bunch of kids.
Anyway I had a girl friend named Carol...
I loved her soo much
but was livin in Denial
Here's a Pic of Carol and I way back then..
Anyway she told me about this guy Doug who lived in the Mountains, had a lot in common with me, and had a tree house built up in 4 redwood Trees behind his house, and she had told him about me, and I could rent the treehouse for next to nuthin.
Next thing I knew I had my 55 metro step van totally rad camper parked up there and was livin maybe 25 feet up in some Redwood Trees with all the comforts of home,
Little coal stove, hot plates, fridge, water and a portable toilet...
But with full House Access.
Doug was totally cool, maybe a little older than me
An artist, and collector of Toltec Art and he collected Samari Swords and Paintings and all kinds of cool stuff.
We were pretty friendly
but I was kinda keepin to myself,
just hangin out with Carol a lot. I met Neil Young then at a Party, then again at a showing of some woman's paintings in her home up there.
I was living near a Place called La Honda...at a place called Redwood Terrace
An old moonshiners hide out.
Neil lived nearby on Skyline, and jammed a lot at the bar in La Honda, where Carol
basically lived 20 feet away from.
One of my favorite times back then was hanging out with Dane, who was Carols boyfriend and Neils Studio Drummer..
And we drummed... jammin....it Rocked.
So mostly I'm spending my days working (doing scrimshaw)
and drawing and writing...keepin to Myself.
One day I go down to the house and am going to use the bathroom,
There's a girl sitting down there smoking a cigarette.
We introduce ourselves
Her name is Jane
she lives in a room in Doug's house.
Well I'm going to the beach and ask Jane if She wants to go too.
She say's sure.
We spent the day going to Monteray and Carmel and hangin on some beaches, then we go home and I say goodnight.
The next day I'm sitting up in my treehouse.... way up in the trees and I hear a knockin on my door..
There is some girl standing there..
She tells me her name is Gerda and that she'd come from Germany to meet me.
Here's something Gerda wrote in the back of my Tales of Power book. It say's
"Each of us has to find out for Himself
what is permitted, and what is Forbidden...
My friend Steve, who I think I previously mentioned, the guy who came from a long line of Psychics and who I swear was not from this planet...
Didn't look it, and his accent wasn't from anywhere I ever knew.
Anyway he'd told her about me, and she wanted to meet me.
He had just dropped her off.
Weird, I lived quite a long ways from him,
like over the mountains....
and he just dropped her off and didn't even come and say, "Howdy."
OOPs, I'm kinda gettin things out of order here.
Before Gerda, (that was her Name, Gerda Konrad) showed up I had a few more run in's with Jane..
OK, so that day Jane and I went to the beach she kept sayin,
"Will you be my friend no matter what?"
"Yeah, sure, of course...."
I couldn't see why not.
She seemed to have some major self esteem issues
so I was doing what I could to help.
Anyway a few days after we went to the beach, maybe more, early in the morning Doug is yellin up at me
Hey, Jane's on the Phone and wants to talk to you
Jane? I couldn't place the name..
I went down to his Pay phone (he had a pay phone in his house)
and picked up the reciever
It was that Jane I'd met, she reminded me that I told her I'd be her friend no matter what
she said she was in the hospital and wanted me to visit and bring some cigarattes.
I asked if she was OK, why are you in the Hospital and she told me,
"Because I threw my glasses out the window when I was driving".
"Just visit me and bring me some cigarettes, you said you'd be my friend".
Okay, I got directions, and cigs and went for a visit.
It was a looney bin.
I was kinda ungrounded from the whole thing...
"Come to my room".
I follow her, she's holding my hand...OH yeah, she Kissed me passionatly when I came in,
Jeeze I forgot that...
Then we go to her room, there's this girl layin on the other bed, lookin catatonic. Jane shuts the door, rips off her clothes, and starts yelling, "Fuck Me, Fuck Me..."
Yikes, just then a woman nurse opens the door and say's, "Jane, put your clothes back on", and walks away.
OH, My God.!!!
So I'm headin right behind the nurse for the nearest exit. Jane has grabbed my leg and is begging me to "Fuck her" and saying why didn't I the other night after we went to the beach.... and I'm dragging her across the floor hangin on to my leg. I make it out with her pleading for me to come back and visit again.. Holy Moley.
I go home and I guess I found out from Doug that she was Manic Depressive, and had gone off her meds.... He wanted her out of his house, he couldn't stand her.
Well Jane called a few days later, wanted me to visit again, I said something like, Are you Crazy" woops, she said some other lady friend was visiting and I could come when she did and I'd be safe... I went, I wasn't...and we repeated the "Fuck Me episode" from the previous Hospital (she was in a different one now).
I never really wanted to see this freaky nympho again. And for you guys out there who fantasize about hooking up with a "Nympho"
It ain't what it cracked up to being.... I've know a few.... Yikes
Anyway so a few days later I'm sleeping up in my loft and I hear a bunch of crackling noises and stuff.... And it wasn't the birds a few inches from my nose on the other side of the roof peckin on the roof like I heard every morning.
Kept hearing all these sounds like plinking plunkin sounds. So I get out of bed... It's freezing, I haven't made a fire yet. I go to look outside, open up the trap door in my deck, and down below is Jane...CRAP!
She didn't want to yell up and wake Doug who was "already mad at her".
And wanted me to let her up....
I let her up.
It was freezing so I started puttin some coal in the stove, Jane came in and sat in my one overstuffed chair, took off all her clothes, and kept grabbing for my pelvic area.
I just kinda dodged like a bullfighter, not makin a big deal about this naked woman in the freezing cold grabbin at my pelvic area.
I had no kind of sexual interest in this loony bird, though she did look pretty good naked....
I'm not sure how I kept her off me, but soon a couple guys came who had a bunch of cool stuff they wanted to trade for some beads. ( I had a bunch of reams of seed beads).
That saved me and Jane went on her way. The guys most impressed by her naked body...
We did some trading and then who shows up.... Gerda,
She'd hitchhiked. She was wearing the shortest shorts I'd ever seen.... It was not in style back then in America, maybe Germany...But her freakin ass was hangin out, and I'd never seen the likes of that on an American woman. Anyway there she is and we went to the beach and had a good day of discussion. She was indeed what you'd call a witch, and it was really kinda nice to have someone who I could talk about stuff with, that most folks wouldn't know what I was talkin about. In fact I think she knew more about all that than I did, cuz she was always sayin stuff I didn't understand.
So we had a great day, she kepts sayin how good it was to be able to hang out with a guy as a Friend. Yeah, sure, works for me... I mean I liked the conversation, but she was miles from my "type". Well we went back and I suppose we got stoned, I think she had brought some hash from Germany. ( I think she used to help Steve smuggle the stuff, he did some time in a German Prison which I guess was far from enjoyable..
So we smoked it, it got late...I wasn't in any shape to drive her home, so me and my new friend went to bed in the one and only bed. Seemed like minutes later and I'm wakin up.... Gerda, who it turns out is a very passionate woman, is laying on top of me... we both have clothes on, and she is humping me, like she is a guy...Ramming her Pubic Bone into mine, causing me some discomfort.
Then I hear some cracklin noise...fearin it's Jane, I throw Gerda to the side and look outside.
Dougs house is on Fire... CRAP
We went running down there, didn't even put on our shoes....
It was early and I knew Doug and this other guy who lived there and Jane must be in the house. The door was locked, I kicked it in, a dog and cat ran out, a wall of heat threw me backwards. I ran around to another door and kicked it in, another wall of heat. We went running up the road looking for a place to call the fire Dept. from. A woman was coming down the hill in her car, she said she'd go call. We went back and packed up my step van and headed down to a local diner. We wanted to get away from there.
OHHHH, I forgot to mention, when we were running up the Hill, Jane was laying naked in the freezing cold Grass, we went past her and she said," Isn't the smoke beautiful the way it goes up through the trees." It sent a shiver through my soul.
I must have been in some crazy altered state because I ate a big meal, not knowin if Doug was dead or Alive... Then we went back and the fire Dept. was there. The House was a total loss. Jane was standing on the roof of the cab of the Firetruck, she had on a fireman's coat and something on her head that might have been a liner to a helmet. She was jumping up and down and calling my Name.... It was the most scary sight I'd ever seen. The coat for some reason made her look like a hunchback... Whew. I guess a neighbor told me Doug and the other guy had gone somewhere. All of Jane's belongings were conveniently in her car.... Turns out she burned it down and had been threatening to do just that for some time.... But she got away with it. I spent a fair amount of time with Gerda, it was nice havin some one who I could talk to about magical things......but she was wanting I think to claim me, and we made out a few times...YECHHH, cigarette smoke.... but she always caught me off guard and a few times I just went a long with it.... I finally set my horny young friend Bill on her and made my getaway....... Jane on the other hand was a real problem, started stalking me...going to the stores where I sold my stuff, trying to find out where I was.... She was a big reason I left California....
Anyway all three of those women were in a very short period of time.. Two of em knew they were witches.... maybe Jane was just Crazy.
With Ariel I have learned that no stage of evolution is more valid than any other. Because she was still collecting her "Description" of herself.... and I believed this was a dark Path, I attempted to exert my will upon her...and she slapped me down.... good thing. And with Jane and Gerda I guess I've learned that denial of things that we don't want to see as an approach to the world, is akin to walkin out on the freeway, with a bag over your head.
And aside from being part of a Recapitulation of my Life I think I felt I had to include this, because right in the middle of all that, in between Ariel Leaving and Moving up to Doug's.... The German came back and presented me with some amazing information. He showed me a Machine that could cure almost any disease....and could also control the thoughts of Humans. And actually his re appearance has brought forth more questions than answers about Just who he really was.. with some frightening possibilities.
OK, after reading this over I guess I'm going to have to include two other things that hapenned in this time period. I was leaving them out because, hmm? Well whatever...But as you can see there was a lot of crazy sexual stuff going on in this period, all in a relatively short space of time.... well here's 2 more things I didn't mention.
Before I went up to Doug's is when The German reconnected with me and showed me the Healing/Mind control Machine which will be my final post in this series...But while I was at my parents house, staying in my old Motorhome in their front yard for a few days...something very strange Hapenned. Early one morning I had what I thought was a very very lucid Dream... A very lucid Wet Dream that is with this incredibly beautiful woman with long Black hair giving me the most incredible sexual experience of my life...by leaps and bounds. OMG. Well I "woke up" in bed, exhausted....I had scratches on my back and there were three long black hairs on my pillow. This was immediatly after the dream so I got up to go look outside and see if She was leaving... The alarm on the motorhome was on and I had to turn it off to go outside. Nobody there...Whew!!!!
Okay, that is one thing. Now the other is incredibly bizarre. For a while my ex-wife and I lived in a regular house in supurbia. It was a nice place on El Carmello Dr. We had a neighbor woman who they thought had agoraphobia (but I muscle tested her and found she was hypoglycemic, got her off sugar and coffee and she went out into the world for the first time in 10 years). Anyway they were a "Normal" family. They had a daughter who was maybe 12 years old who would come over and hang out with us. Well one day we're over at her house and her Mom pulls me aside and tells me that ...get ready.... that they had taken their daughter to the Doctor and the Doctor had said that she was still too young to have sex, that I'd be too big for her, and we couldn't have sex for a few years.... TWILIGHT ZONE... Well a few years later, when I had come back from my vision Quest as I call that Magical Journey, and Janine had just left me and Jimmy and Ramona had gone and Josie and Ariel hadn't moved in yet.... the girl whose name I'm leaving out shows up at my door with a girlfriend, I think they were First or second year High School. They come up and straight out she say's that they want me to teach them about sex.... I guess I'm standing there dumbfounded when my buzzer rings and it's Janine whose coming (to ask me for money for an abortion as a matter of fact cuz her new boyfriend got her pregnant).... Well anyway she comes up and I suppose remembers the insanity from the girls Mom years before....and doesn't leave until the two girls leave....
I moved not long after and never saw that girl again.... so,
What was going on energetically then?