The Key to Eternal Life and Grandmother Spider

Well maybe not, but close.   Here's 3 gallons of Kraut I made and 2 gallons of Kraut Juice.  We never eat a meal with meat without some fermented veggies.  It's just the way it's sposed to be..

I have a Teacher that's been with me since I was 8 years old (at least that was my first encounter with her). I always called her my "Highest Teacher" because she seemed to be ...... my .... well it's hard to put into words.  Anyway years ago my stepson was living with a Swami dude who was for real.  One time he channelled my Teacher and told my step son that she was called,"Grandmother Spider".
  She has always seemed to be concerned the most with my Spiritual Growth...whereas other guides help in other areas. 
Anyway the other night I was working at my bench late at night, it was a very Magically Creative night where I found myself talking and singing.....  but not in English...  not sure what it was, but it flowed out like a fountain of Joy.  I kept having to look up from my piece to let the Juice flow up through me. It was really amazing.   I was feeling Grandmother Spider and I looked up, and leaning against the window was a carving I started for a Journal quite some time ago......  There was a Spider hovering there right in front of ..... well, you'll see.

Pretty Trippy Huh..

Some Incredibly Cute Pictures of Bracken

Little Roo in His Pouch, Helping Dad in the Greenhouse

Snug as a Bug in a Rug

At Market Saturday

A Women took a Bunch of Pics of us at Market

The rest of the pics were taking by a woman passerby at Market who was in awe of Brackens Cuteness. She showed up and asked if she could take our Pics about 3 minutes after another guy who also fell in love with Brackens cuteness had just finished taking pics.    I gotta admit, .....nothin much cuter...

What Really Matters

OK, so, I told all my Hidden stories in "Coming out of the Scary Weirdness Closet", all my hidden secret stuff that I didn't tell folks because , well it's nice not to have folks think you are crazy, it's nice to be sort of accepted by family members....
Well here's the thing..
I kept the important stuff Hidden.
  I still haven't told you the Central Story....what really matters.
Why, because whenever I have spoken of this....well, I have yet to find anybody who knows what the heck I'm talking about...and to me, it seems like the most significant thing...The most important thing a person could know, or strive for... But I kept this little chapter hidden....even from Myself.  I was just talkin to (better not post her name w/o permission) today about how when the German and my Teachers were talkin to me, it was the most lucid experiences that affected me deeply, yet I, on my day to day level, ignored em....sittin right there talkin to me.  I'm paying close attention and at the same time Ignoring it like it isn't there, isn't happening.   Trying to explain this in our limited language was difficult so I said it was as though I was being taught in Nagual's time...yet was.... forced to exist in Tonal's time. (for those of you who know Don Juan's Lingo.)

So I've kept most of my Truth hidden most of my Life....just came out of the Closet with the, "Coming out of the Scary Weirdness closet"... and realized sitting here tonight how I had avoided mentioning the most important thing.
I don't know if I talked about this in earlier posts, so I'll repeat it here .  Back in 1970 I had an experience sitting on the side of a mountain.  In some Circles it would be called an Initiation, in others it would be called, experiencing Cosmic Consciousness.   Anyway that experience changed EVERYTHING for me.  The night of the experience a Teacher started coming to me in my Dreams every night. It was in a place I called, "The White Hall". And what this teacher was teaching me was various methods of,"Going Into the Light".
Let me attempt to explain what that means....
We are energy bodies that exist in a vast energy Grid.
Every cell in our bodies.... and every particle in this Creation, has a Power, a Light at it's heart that is Brighter than our Physical Sun..... every cell, every particle of orgone has an energy beyond comprehension. This Light that we all share....in fact you could say, this Light that we all collectively are..(that some some call God)... is assessable to us.

It is entirely possible to Rest in a Blissful Energetic pure state of the All.  It is our most natural state.  It is what all Spiritual folks are striving for, whether they know it or not.
So why don't we hear about this...why aren't we taught in schools how to access this Cosmic Consciousness?
Good question eh.?
Well, I've kept it hidden for 30 some years....
I'll tell you one reason.
When you experience something, so ....POWERFUL, so Blissful, so full of Unity and Love as to be beyond any description.... and nobody else does....  And when you try to convey the Beauty of it to them they look at you like you are from another Planet... It is lonely as freakin Hell.
I'm talkin it out now,
to this blog...
yet how many that I am talkin to,
have been there?

A door I carved

Well anyway the Teacher showed me a different method, sometimes more than one, every night. All these Paths to a Pure State. Because everybody doesn't have the same path...but the Destination is the same for everyone.
They had a "Rule of Three",
which said I could only follow each Path 3 times..
and that has to do with how humans use Habits
to Imprison themselves. 

What we are,
before everything that we have added.....
and after everything we have added....
Is the Light.

This is the Destination...

And this is not Light...as opposed to Darkness...

This is Light that contains Everything.

That is at the Heart of Everything...

This is such a basic Spiritual Truth, yet it sure doesn't get much press.

You hear folks say, "Jesus is the Light of the World"....
and so they worship some highly realized soul who died a long time ago...
and miss the Point,
Jesus was not the Light of the World,
But he Realized it
he knew that was the Goal...
Well that little fact sort of got lost in the shuffle of this huge monster that was called, "The Church"
They had their own agenda which had ZERO to do with helping folks
Know the Light
Know the Truth.
I mean if you have the Experience,
you can go back and read between the lines in the Bible,
and find the truth behind a lot of it..

The Church .....has hidden a Truth
yet they are still a Path for a small % of the human population....
Sadly they seem to think they are what everyone needs...
Not so

There are 7 major paths,
and within these seven there are countless.
This is an area the Teacher,
and later multiple Teachers
focussed my ....learning upon.
And I was supposed to pass it along.
Well, I guess now I am,
better late than never.

The Light is at the Heart of us
the Light is at the heart of all things
we are the Light
we all are the Light
When we can experience the Light
as a real Experience
every cell within us
Sings
We are purified
we realize our Immortality
We are the One

Everyone should experience it
there is nothing in the world that rivals it....not even close.
It is the utmost experience a human can have.

Why don't they teach this in Church?

I was taught all these different ways,
so that I could teach these to others...
because like I say, each of us will have a "Path of Least Resistance"
the most natural way to go...
But then I see how humans get so totally obsessed with their Paths
and don't really see that their Destination is right there...
If only they'd look up from their Paths.
So I've been coming to believe that now it is time to focus not on the Path
but on the Destination.

The Destination is the Light

so that is what we should focus upon....

Well after my Experience this was easy,

I'd close my eyes....

and it was brighter than when they were open

it was right there and all I had to do was

Let Go into it.

I think Kriya Yoga used to be all about this process..

Not sure, these days the Money in "Spirituality" 

in NEWAGE stuff as I call it,

has really warped a lot of the old basic Truths.....

But here is a couple generic tips..

Sit in a totally dark closet...NO Light from outside at all...none
then put your tongue on the roof of your mouth and look up into your forehead with your eyes...turn them up towards your third eye.  The Light is right there in front of you
all through you, all around you....
you just don't believe it because,
you are sitting in total darkness...
Now you might notice a Sound
The sound is also the Light. So if you hear that..
and really it is more like your every cell , hears it...
Follow it.
When you start to see the Light shifting before you like sand blowing in the desert..
It can be soo sooo subtle at first.
Go into it.... Let it engulf you...
Just keep letting go into it.
Don't worry, you won't die.
I think part of the reason humans don't go here much is the fear of death.
You see there is a stage of the death process,
where we go to the Light
....and it's memoryisa cellular....
more like a DNA memory,
that often has fear attached.
Dying can have it's scary parts......
and goin into the Light is a lot like dying
but don't worry,
you'll be OK.
Don't get sidetracked... Keep your focus in the Light.
The place between you....
and It (the Light) now
is the astral plane.
Those shifting sands of Light,
 that's the astral plane you are viewing it in....
so don't get sidetracked...
OH Yeah, shut up you head.....
you can't take your thoughts....or emotions
to the Light
You gotta let em go to get there.
I guess I should have mentioned that before, pretty major point.
Then just Let Go into the Light.....
You will know when it happens because you will cease to exist as a separate entity for a bit. And you will feel the Power and Bliss of all Creation.

That is one method of direct focus on the Light/Sound.

Another, one that will work for other folks is sit in a closet again....empty save for all white walls.... with the Light on... Quiet your mind and emotions.... stop trying to define your experience,
and just let go into the Light behind the White...
Just keep letting go....keep filling up with the Light...
Until you are gone
and there is nothing left but the Light....
You will know when you've done it... Like I say, nothing else compares.

I just read over the first part of this and Realized how, "The Light".
Is just words to most folks...just a concept they haven't grasped, just some other thing.....
I can't really talk about it and make a person understand....
It's frustrating.
OK, I'm gonna boil it right down for ya....


It is totally possible to
Know God
When we are in the Light
we are One
with God...

That is pretty major...


So again I ask,
Why are we not taught how to go into the Light
from day 1..?

My whole life I've carried the knowledge that I was supposed to facilitate the understanding of the Seven Rays.
I've shirked that well and still am attempting to do so......
I just keep thinking that the rules have changed since the Quickening.....
and we can forget the Paths
and focus on the destination...

But who knows, maybe I'll go into it in future posts.
In the mean time if you are interested my old Teacher put some really good info out about it through Alice Bailey....
If you can jive with the style of writing ...
which actually has a certain tempo,
then you can learn a lot about the seven rays from that.....
The reason I was supposed to bring it out was that it needs to be in today's language...
and it is very important that folks understand that there is no one path..
Each way must be given it's due..
But the Destination should be the focal point...
that's my opinion.

Back then folks weren't all that ready to hear about this stuff...
but the Light is getting so much brighter
as each soul realizes it
and that speeds things up
but also threatens the destruction of the old Order...
of Fear, Desire, and Self Centered consciousness.

It's time now to realize our Unity
It's time to See the Light within ourselves
and all things
.
It's time to quit stifling the voices of our souls
Speak the Truth
And be Free

other side of the door, by the yellow brick road

\

Coming out of the weirdness Closet, Final Chapter. The "German" comes back and the Healing/Mind Control Machine

Well we're finally here, to the last chapter in this series,"Coming out of the Weirdness Closet"... This chapter has the potential for being the most hmmm, most something...
This chapter is the main reason I came out onto the Internet a few years back, discovered Forums and Blogs and sites that might help me find an explanation of just what was going on back then....
So as near as I can recall this happened around the same time as the Succubus incident. I was parked at my parents and living in my Motorhome, right before I was to head up to Dougs and live in the Tree House.
So one day I decided to take a nap out in the Motorhome......
As I awoke?? from the nap something very strange happened that I had no previous experience with.
  I had quite a bit of experience Astral projecting by this time, and what happened was a matter of leaving my body, but not astrally....rather it was an etheric projection.... My energetic body was looking down at my physical body, and this was a lot different than astral projecting.....it was like this etheric body weighed tons..... I willed myself to move, but it was so so difficult.  I'm realizing that this is what folks are calling sleep paralysis... except I'm an Aries, and not easily paralyzed..... But basically what happens is ( my theory anyway) is that upon waking our "consciousness" usually shifts from an astral awareness, moves through an etheric awareness, and then identifies with our Physical awareness....and we wake up in our bodies.  But occasionally it might become identified with our Etheric body upon waking.....very rare, but I've been hearing a lot about it happening to folks in the last few years.  So here I was straining to physically move away from my physical body, within my etheric body. ( Why, because I'm an Aries, what else am I gonna do?)  Well it was totally exhausting so I went back and lay down in my physical body....and "woke up."  Immediatly the "German" as I had dubbed him years before  when I was just a kid and when he showed up in my head and over some months led me to build a machine that made a plants emotions audible. Well, that's a previous chapter..
Now something was different from any of the times before with the German....  When I built the plant Machine according to the Germans instructions, his voice was very very subtle, almost as if it was my own thoughts, with a weird accent.  But now it was like a distinct voice from a Spirit that was right there with me...it wasn't like that before. ...and he was showing me clear images.of a Machine in a room with a bunch of these huge computers, like a whole wall of a huge computer...And there was this chamber, kind of like an MRI machine, though this was in the 70's probably before they "officially" had any of those.  He told me that this machine could cure most of humans ailments, diseases etc.  In some ways it was a very simple machine. What it did was in two parts. The first part was to "read" the persons energetic body, 3D. It created a complete energetic map of the persons physical/etheric body.  All this was fed into the computers. It was viewed on the level of color/frequency.  "problems (over or under amplification of frequency) which are at the root of disease were isolated and their energetic counterbalance was calculated.  The second part of the machine had lasers and prisms, thousands of em, and the prisms isolated the refracted laser light and pinpointed that at the problem area.  Basically applying  the correcting frequency very intensely to the "problem area"...fixing the problem on an energetic level. The German told me that the technology was in  existence at that time, in the US, Israel, and Russia.  ( I understood at the time that this meant that pieces , or components of the completed Machine were in each of these countries, and that they needed to come together to complete the project).. But this wasn't what I was told, it was however what I assumed)  Now I didn't know much about world events back than and our relationships with other countries....and I was pretty Naive ...So from that statement I took that the Machine wouldn't be built any time soon, because everyone knew Russia and the US didn't get along...I didn't know anything about Israel back then, don't really know much about it now...Jewish folks I think, in the Holy Land...that's all I know.
He also showed me how the machine could read chemical compounds, it could ascertain their "energy signature" it could also read plants....anything basically. And from this it was also possible to adjust a persons "unhealthy" frequency by the application of chemical compounds specific for their particular energy imbalance.  You were basically balancing a persons light body, with Light.... it was also possible with sound....and with chemicals.  Pretty freaking amazing.
Well this got me all excited so I ran into the house to get a pencil and paper so I could start writing this amazing Healing Machines information down as the German told me.
Well when I got back to the motorhome, sit down with my pencil and paper at the table, the German say's, "you know you can't do anything with this information, don't you?"
"Excuse me, What!?
He said there was basically two reasons I had to keep this to myself.  The first one was the fact that Disease has roots below the energetic level.... on karmic astral levels.  Yes, you could rebalance a persons energy, make them feel well....yet the roots of the energetic imbalance, the Karma.....would still be there.  He said vaccinations are a good example of why this does not work.  Yes, we can stave off certain diseases with a vaccine....but we must realize that most of these diseases that we vaccinate for have their roots in "Group Karma".  They exist because enough people have created similar Karma around the same thing.  These diseases are caused by mass energetic imbalance .....something seemingly as simple as Millions of people Hating one individual (he gave Nixon as an example). He said that that amount of focused energy was bound to manifest something, and usually that ended up being what we call a virus, or a disease.... And he said that with vaccinations we can certainly cut off all the branches and the trunk of a tree and believe that we have eradicated something, but as long as the energy was there that created it..The Roots of the tree... that tree would grow back, lookin a lot different than it did last time, but still there.   Bottom line is you can not vaccinate against Karma. Yes you can eradicate Polio (seemingly), but then suddenly some "brand new " thing will emerge to work out the Karma.... often worse than the original.  A big lesson humans need to learn is that the energy they put to suppress disease/fear/uncomfortable reflection etc.... feeds what they are attempting to hold at bay.
OK, so reason 1. was that it's pointless to cure the effects, when the cause will Have to manifest itself one way or another....to move along.
The second reason is the really scary one.
He said that the machine could be used for Mind Control on a vast scale. He said that just as a disease has an "energetic signature" so do thoughts....and emotions.  And that just as the Machine could read energetic signatures of disease, and elemental compounds and herbs etc. so could it ascertain the energetic signature of Thoughts and Feelings.   He said that just as we could impose a "cure" through the application of certain balanced light and sound frequency as well as application of the substances that had the correct energetic signature to Re balance the imbalance....so could a generic emotion or thought be given to the masses through a specific blend of elements, through a specific blend of colors...and sonic vibrations.  Basically he said that chemicals could be put in the seasoning on our potato chips that we eat while watching some TV program where the computer has ascertained the perfect blend of colors (HDTV, LOOK OUT, better get rid of it)...and we could be made to think or feel just about anything, and believe it was our own thoughts and feelings. HAARP, HMMM???  So he said I needed to just forget about it.
Now this has been a mystery to me my whole life, why get me all excited about something, then tell me to forget about it.
Well a theory is finally forming here based on certain data.
1. The change in the way the German "spoke" to me.    It was more like I was communicating with a Spirit now, whereas before it was as if someone was just putting the thoughts in my head....  Sleep Paralysis most often accompanies some interplay with a Spirit of some deceased person, at least in the dozens of accounts I have heard...   So now it's lookin like the German....is dead. Whereas before ...it didn't feel like that.
2.  Back to the Plant Machine, how is it that everything I needed to build the machine was supplied to me through trades and buying at incredibly low prices from NASA and Lockheed folks who my parents worked with....and the monthly "Science Kits" I got, supposedly from some Mail order science kit of the month club.  EVERYTHING I needed, even equipment that was probably illegal for me to have, and I got all the pieces....right as I needed them...and I was talkin to no one about what I was doing.  How is it possible that all the supplies that a voice in my head needs to build a machine that allows plants to talk.....were supplied as needed when I didn't even know what I needed until it was time to hook something up a certain way.
3. Why after months with the German in my head, did he just disappear from it for years the moment the Plant Machine was completed?
4. Why did my Mom refuse to even come and look at it, and why did my Dad say nothing when I demonstrated it...and got all quiet and weird...??

Well here is my theory.  The second time the German came and told me about the Healing/Mind Control Machine.... he was dead. And he was feeling guilty for using a Mind Control Machine on me years previously to see if they could remotely control a person, right down to doing detailed work with things they knew nothing about.  They could not stop him from telling me, now that he was dead,  And he felt guilty, because maybe he was aware of the Bizarre twists my life was to take after that experience...
Tellin me about that mind control machine was basically getting off his chest, what he had done with it when he was Alive and probably working out at Ames Research Center where my Dad was....
I haven't heard from him since.
Maybe my Mom felt guilty that she allowed me to be used in testing the Mind Control machine and this is why she refused to come out....
and HMMM, the vibe that day was the same as the vibe the night we had the UFO encounter.   Did that encounter have anything to do with this.... it was odd how I became very psychic after that encounter...
Still lots of Questions.

Any Ideas?

Back in the City, The Three Witches, Gerda, Jane and Ariel

Just a warning, there is some R Rated Material here, so if you are sensitive to that....don't read.
Also be aware that things happen on multiple levels, in the following I am only talking about what happened in "ordinary reality".
I've been avoiding this Chapter for quite some Time.  I just realized that this whole,"coming out of the Wierdness Closet" thing is basically as my old friend Don Juan would say, is a Recapitulation....
We all carry heaps of "Personal History" and this can be like chains around the Light of our Souls.... And in order to Heave Off these chains...first we must face them... This Don Juan called a Recapitulation.  So as much as it'd be a whole lot easier to skip this crazy ass chapter and get right to the really trippy stuff when "the German" comes back and shows me the Healing/Mind control Machine.... and maybe some other things I've conveniently forgotten.
I used to think that we could ignore the Chains from our Past,
I used to say very authoritatively that,
" The demons from our Past, if we simply don't think about them,
they will go away,
they are vain little devils".
It sounded good,
I mean take the thought away and it dissipates the thought form...Right?

Ummm???

Not Quite..

Psychic Scars are built not only upon thought,
but also and maybe more so, upon emotion.
And even if we can ignore the Physical Reality of a manifested thought form
through the use of strong intention..
which I am pretty good at,
I mean that's pretty funny.
Denial of Physical Reality....
Jeeze.
But it seems that Denial is the Coping Mechanism of Choice

Even if we can deny that,
we still Have the Astral,
and Etheric Bodies to deal with.

We have three...Bodies (probably more but for this conversation....3)
The Astral Body, which you could call the emotional body
the Etheric Body which we could call the energetic, or maybe electrical body
and the Physical body, which you can call the Physical Body, he he..
Anyway through all the lifetimes that we've been playing this Game
we've collected a lot of Psychic Scars.... hitherto called Demons...
And they block our expansion
they block the influx of Light into the areas that they inhabit within us
being at the heart of much of our disease.
Wow, how did I get here, I was going to talk about the Three Witches
I wonder if I should change their names,
Nah, they know what they are and it's been a lot a years...
So now I must venture into this Recapitulation....


OK, so I come back to the City at my wife's behest.
After waiting the specified 2 weeks,
I suppose so her boyfriend, that I didn't know she had, would move out.
So I got back with a very strong Intention to keep the Higher Vantage Point that I had gained on my previous trip.
I went out on an early Saturday morning
to walk down Main Street Palo Alto...
Yikes....
I was smiling and sayin howdy to folks
truly loving them and the beautiful day..
And I was totally freakin them out.
Everywhere I went folks saw I wasn't in the same Box as them
and it freaked em out.
Well I'd been Freakin out family and friends I guess my whole life
and felt.... tossed aside, pushed away...unloved, because of it...
So I kinda shut down just like a Hospital Born Baby.
And went walkin back to my apartment.
Now I don't remember if my wife had already told me that she was movin in with her boyfriend yet or not, but returning home I  was feelin mightly dejected, rejected, deflected, and bummed... he he
Next door to the beautiful ivy covered old apartment I lived in was a big ol white Victorian House.... and sittin out in front was a little girl, 6 years old if I recall right, named Josie.
Well we became fast friends, I decided to hell with the damn nasty assed grown up's
I was hanging with open hearted and Minded kids.
We had so much fun just playing sittin out under a tree in the dirt....
We were instant best friends..
Remember "Best Friends"
You couldn't wait till the next day so you could go hang out and have grand adventures..
Well that how I felt about Josie, and I guess she felt that way about me.
Then I guess it was inevitable that would meet her Mom, Ariel (That really was her name).
Now Ariel was one of those Physical Realities that I was doing my best to ignore
But I did notice she was devistatingly Beautiful, Reddish Hair, kinda shorter in stature.... Fiery... Freakin Hot, but as I say I was ignoring that physical reality.
Fact is I'd never known a woman that....
HMMM??
What is the word...?
Well I don't think there is a word for it...
She was passionately, erotically, totally and powerfully in love with her own Physical Nature and Reality.
Well my wife moved out
Ramona and the Jimmy Discount Band, and these other folks I met who lived in a double decker school bus, Christian and Maria showed up at my place and stayed for a few days...
Then Josie and Ariel moved in
and the dance Began
well actually it was more of a Battle,
then a dance.
I found an old letter she wrote me...it was in 1978 according to a note I put on the back.
Here's that letter.

 

 

 

Like I say, she was in Love with the Physical Nature
and I was at that crazy point in evolution where I was trying to Ignore it.
I mean when I looked at thing's I only partly saw their physicallity
I was more focussed upon the Light Within things
than the Things themselves.
And I was the same know it all pain in the ass Aries back then
that I am now,.
Ariel had told me she was a "witch".
Though that was no suprise,
it was different hearing her voice it...
Seeing her obsession with Physicallity
and probably after some uncomfortable conversations
I decided to do (what I considered to be) a little Good Magic on her.
Now I don't know if I mentioned this in earlier posts,
but once with Debbie Hooper I did an experiment in Magic.
Back then it seemed impossible for me to believe
that folks just couldn't go into the Light
like I could....
and Debbie said she'd like to experience that.
So that night I did a little magic,
it either came from one of my Teachers,
or just from deep within me
but it basically was very simple archetype manipulation.
I  meditated, went to the place I called the Archetype Plane...
Might have just been the astral plane.
Projected the thought of her...which drew her "archetype"....
And I fed that with the Light...
At the same time I had a big round flat beach stone that I drew on with my eyes closed with a stick that was burned, was like a pencil
I drew a simple pattern that was symbolic of her archetype being fed with Light
and becoming One with that Light.
The next day she came up to me all excited,
She'd "seen the Light" the night before
All of a sudden out of nowhere
while she was laying in bed
( I had waited till I figured she would be..
Better chance of successs then...)
when she was all calmed down from the day.
And all of a sudden out of Nowhere she Flashed into the Light....

Well I decided in my infinite ignorance,
that Ariel needed a shot of the Light..
Because back then, since I could see the Light
within the physical
I thought of the Physical as a ....
barrier, to free flow of the Light..
Now some folks call this Light God,
some call it the Holy Spirit.
I call it the Light
because that was what it was.
Eternal, Blissful, ecstatic Love.
And in my opinion
there was nothing greater than dissolving in That
So I figured this Witch needed a good shot of the Light...
And that Night I proceeded out upon  the astral Plane...
Looking for her archetype...
which on retrospect I suppose was her Astral Body,
or maybe what Don Juan calls a Double
which I finally maybe understand
is what I call "Constructs"
Anyway a "Construct" is like an energetic reflection of us..
All that we think we are
and all that we have thought and felt about ourselves
and all that has been thought and Felt about us
Has brought to fruition a very basic Cosmic Law that state's
That which we feed with energy and attention
will eventually Manifest
Well we each have this energetic Reflection that I call a construct
It lives on the Astral Plane and looks just like us
and pretty much is who we were Yesterday.
If you ever find yourself out on the astral plane
one rule is,
"Don't look over your shoulder (back)
or you'll see your Construct
and this is never really good."
Anyway I went out there and guess I was attempting to feed her archetype, or Construct with Light, like I did with Debbie...
Bad Idea,
She was there,
and fully conscious....
and Pissed off at my attempt.

I don't know exactly how to explain what happened...
but we battled out there on the astral plane
Me pushin the Light at her,
And her , not takin it
and throwin me around...
The next day I woke up pretty wasted.
I heard her on the phone,
she said she was in a "Spiritual HotHouse" and had to get out..
I was pretty blown away,
I'd never met anybody that could frequent the same strange places as me...
and get around so well there.
But she had scared the crap out of me.
She took off and I headed downstairs planning on going in the opposite direction as fast as I could on my bike.
I walked it outside
sat down on the seat....then looked down the street
Ariel was down there
looking over her shoulder
The next thing I knew my bike, and I
were flying, head over heals through the air... Crash.....
That was the last time I remember seeing her...
Well I lived in that apartment a short while longer,
I was hangin out with another kid,
Christine.... She was my Friend Larry's daughter
I told you about Larry in the post where the Teacher was on the Beach.
Chritine and I had a lot of fun,
Riding bikes, eating and making sweet foods
One day we were riding bikes and some guy pulls up and askes her about modeling..
She was pretty tall like her Mom (who had been a model)
Well I just figured he was a pervert,
But she became a very famous model, not too long thereafter.
Christine Bolster..
You can probably still Google her.
Here's a pic she took in one of those picture Booths and then there are a couple from the Victoria's Secret Catalog after she grew up some and got famous.

 

I think she might have started with Victoria's Secret...but then went to Italy, got real famous, came back here got more famous, and married this actor dude I always kinda liked.... and had a bunch of kids.
Anyway I had a girl friend named Carol...
I loved her soo much
but was living in Denial
Here's a Pic of Carol and I way back then..

Anyway she told me about this guy Doug who lived in the Mountains, had a lot in common with me, and had a tree house built up in 4 redwood Trees behind his house, and she had told him about me, and I could rent the treehouse for next to nothing.
Next thing I knew I had my 55 metro step van totally rad camper parked up there and was livign maybe 25 feet up in some Redwood Trees with all the comforts of home,
Little coal stove, hot plates, fridge, water and a portable toilet...
  But with full House Access.
Doug was totally cool, maybe a little older than me
An artist, and collector of Toltec Art and he collected Samari Swords and Paintings and all kinds of cool stuff.
We were pretty friendly
but I was kinda keeping to myself,
just hanging out with Carol a lot. I met Neil Young then at a Party, then again at a showing of some woman's paintings in her home up there.
I was living near a Place called La Honda...at a place called Redwood Terrace
An old moonshiners hide out.
Neil lived nearby on Skyline, and jammed a lot at the bar in La Honda, where Carol 
basically lived 20 feet away from.
One of my favorite times back then was hanging out with Dane, who was Carols boyfriend and Neils Studio Drummer..
And we drummed... jamming....it Rocked.
So mostly I'm spending my days working (doing scrimshaw)
and drawing and writing...keeping to Myself.
One day I go down to the house and am going to use the bathroom,
There's a girl sitting down there smoking a cigarette.
We introduce ourselves
Her name is Jane
she lives in a room in Doug's house.
Well I'm going to the beach and ask Jane if She wants to go too.
She say's sure.
We spent the day going to Monterey and Carmel and hanging on some beaches, then we go home and I say goodnight.
The next day I'm sitting up in my treehouse.... way up in the trees and I hear a knocking on my door..
There is some girl standing there..
She tells me her name is Gerda and that she'd come from Germany to meet me.
Here's something Gerda wrote in the back of my Tales of Power book. It say's
"Each of us has to find out for Himself
what is permitted, and what is Forbidden...
By HIM.
May 1979

My friend Steve, who I think I previously mentioned, the guy who came from a long line of Psychics and who I swear was not from this planet...
Didn't look it, and his accent wasn't from anywhere I ever knew.
Anyway he'd told her about me, and she wanted to meet me.
He had just dropped her off.
Weird, I lived quite a long ways from him,
like over the mountains....
and he just dropped her off and didn't even come and say, "Howdy."
OOPs, I'm kinda gettin things out of order here.
Before Gerda, (that was her Name, Gerda Konrad) showed up I had a few more run in's with Jane..
OK, so that day Jane and I went to the beach she kept saying,
"Will you be my friend no matter what?"
"Yeah, sure, of course...."
I couldn't see why not.
She seemed to have some major self esteem issues
so I was doing what I could to help.
Anyway a few days after we went to the beach, maybe more, early in the morning Doug is yellin up at me
Hey, Jane's on the Phone and wants to talk to you
Jane? I couldn't place the name..
I went down to his Pay phone (he had a pay phone in his house)
and picked up the receiver
It was that Jane I'd met, she reminded me that I told her I'd be her friend no matter what
she said she was in the hospital and wanted me to visit and bring some cigarettes.
I asked if she was OK, why are you in the Hospital and she told me,
"Because I threw my glasses out the window when I was driving".
What?
"Just visit me and bring me some cigarettes, you said you'd be my friend".
Okay, I got directions, and cigs and went for a visit.
It was a looney bin.
I was kinda ungrounded from the whole thing...
"Come to my room".
I follow her, she's holding my hand...OH yeah, she Kissed me passionately when I came in,
Jeeze I forgot that...
Then we go to her room, there's this girl layin on the other bed, lookin catatonic. Jane shuts the door, rips off her clothes, and starts yelling, "Fuck Me, Fuck Me..."
Yikes, just then a woman nurse opens the door and say's, "Jane, put your clothes back on", and walks away.
OH, My God.!!!
So I'm heading right behind the nurse for the nearest exit. Jane has grabbed my leg and is begging me to "Fuck her" and saying why didn't I the other night after we went to the beach.... and I'm dragging her across the floor hanging on to my leg.  I make it out with her pleading for me to come back and visit again..  Holy Moley.
I go home and I guess I found out from Doug that she was Manic Depressive, and had gone off her meds.... He wanted her out of his house, he couldn't stand her.
Well Jane called a few days later, wanted me to visit again, I said something like, Are you Crazy" woops, she said some other lady friend was visiting and I could come when she did and I'd be safe... I went, I wasn't...and we repeated the "Fuck Me episode" from the previous Hospital (she was in a different one now).
I never really wanted to see this freaky nympho again. And for you guys out there who fantasize about hooking up with a "Nympho"
It ain't what it cracked up to being.... I've know a few.... Yikes
Anyway so a few days later I'm sleeping up in my loft and I hear a bunch of crackling noises and stuff.... And it wasn't the birds a few inches from my nose on the other side of the roof pecking on the roof like I heard every morning.
Kept hearing all these sounds like plinking plunkin sounds. So I get out of bed... It's freezing, I haven't made a fire yet. I go to look outside, open up the trap door in my deck, and down below is Jane...CRAP!
She didn't want to yell up and wake Doug who was "already mad at her".
And wanted me to let her up....
I let her up.
It was freezing so I started putting some coal in the stove, Jane came in and sat in my one overstuffed chair, took off all her clothes, and kept grabbing for my pelvic area.
I just kinda dodged like a bullfighter, not making a big deal about this naked woman in the freezing cold grabbing at my pelvic area.

I had no kind of sexual interest in this loony bird, though she did look pretty good naked....
I'm not sure how I kept her off me, but soon a couple guys came who had a bunch of cool stuff they wanted to trade for some beads. ( I had a bunch of reams of seed beads).
That saved me and Jane went on her way. The guys most impressed by her naked body...
We did some trading and then who shows up.... Gerda,
She'd hitchhiked.  She was wearing the shortest shorts I'd ever seen.... It was not in style back then in America, maybe Germany...But her freakin ass was hanging out, and I'd never seen the likes of that on an American woman.  Anyway there she is and we went to the beach and had a good day of discussion.  She was indeed what you'd call a witch, and it was really kinda nice to have someone who I could talk about stuff with, that most folks wouldn't know what I was talking about. In fact I think she knew more about all that than I did, cuz she was always saying stuff I didn't understand.
So we had a great day, she kept saying how good it was to be able to hang out with a guy as a Friend.  Yeah, sure, works for me... I mean I liked the conversation, but she was miles from my "type".  Well we went back and I suppose we got stoned, I think she had brought some hash from Germany.  ( I think she used to help Steve smuggle the stuff, he did some time in a German Prison which I guess was far from enjoyable..
So we smoked it, it got late...I wasn't in any shape to drive her home, so me and my new friend went to bed in the one and only bed. Seemed like minutes later and I'm waking up.... Gerda, who it turns out is a very passionate woman, is laying on top of me... we both have clothes on, and she is humping me, like she is a guy...Ramming her Pubic Bone into mine, causing me some discomfort.
Then I hear some crackling noise...fearing it's Jane, I throw Gerda to the side and look outside.
Dougs house is on Fire... CRAP
We went running down there, didn't even put on our shoes....
It was early and I knew Doug and this other guy who lived there and Jane must be in the house.  The door was locked, I kicked it in, a dog and cat ran out, a wall of heat threw me backwards.   I ran around to another door and kicked it in, another wall of heat.  We went running up the road looking for a place to call the fire Dept. from. A woman was coming down the hill in her car, she said she'd go call.  We went back and packed up my step van and headed down to a local diner. We wanted to get away from there.


OHHHH, I forgot to mention, when we were running up the Hill, Jane was laying naked in the freezing cold Grass, we went past her and she said," Isn't the smoke beautiful the way it goes up through the trees." It sent a shiver through my soul.
I must have been in some crazy altered state because I ate a big meal, not knowing if Doug was dead or Alive... Then we went back and the fire Dept. was there. The House was a total loss. Jane was standing on the roof of the cab of the Firetruck, she had on a fireman's coat and something on her head that might have been a liner to a helmet. She was jumping up and down and calling my Name.... It was the most scary sight I'd ever seen. The coat for some reason made her look like a hunchback...   Whew. I guess a neighbor told me Doug and the other guy had gone somewhere. All of Jane's belongings were conveniently in her car.... Turns out she burned it down and had been threatening to do just that for some time.... But she got away with it.  I spent a fair amount of time with Gerda, it was nice having some one who I could talk to about magical things......but she was wanting I think to claim me, and we made out a few times...YECHHH, cigarette smoke.... but she always caught me off guard and a few times I just went a long with it.... I finally set my horny young friend Bill on her and made my getaway....... Jane on the other hand was a real problem, started stalking me...going to the stores where I sold my stuff, trying to find out where I was.... She was a big reason I left California....
Anyway all three of those women were in a very short period of time.. Two of em knew they were witches.... maybe Jane was just Crazy.
With Ariel I have learned that no stage of evolution is more valid than any other. Because she was still collecting her "Description" of herself.... and I believed this was a dark Path, I attempted to exert my will upon her...and she slapped me down.... good thing.  And with Jane and Gerda I guess I've learned that denial of things that we don't want to see as an approach to the world, is akin to walking out on the freeway, with a bag over your head.
And aside from being part of a Recapitulation of my Life I think I felt I had to include this, because right in the middle of all that, in between Ariel Leaving and Moving up to Doug's.... The German came back and presented me with some amazing information. He showed me a Machine that could cure almost any disease....and could also control the thoughts of Humans. And actually his re appearance has brought forth more questions than answers about Just who he really was.. with some frightening possibilities.

Out of the Wierdness Closet , Meeting the Teacher...and .Returning from a Magical Journey

I think this is Part 8 in a series...

 This is a picture of me way back when, sitting on my meditation spot above Plaskett Creek. Across the way is where Pack Rat jumped off the Cliff... and where the following story took place, on the beach below the cliffs you see in the background.  I was just going through some old stuff looking for something for my next post ( a letter from a Witch) that I know I have but haven't found....when I found this pic that goes with this story.
Fasten your seatbelts, this is another very strange story...

Well I guess we left off with Bud. So by the time Bud got through with me, and on the heels of this Long Magical journey...I must admit I was just a bit FREAKED.  There was so much magical stuff going on every second for the past ...I don't know exactly how long, Month maybe, that I was truly ready to crawl under a rock and hide for the remaining couple of days before I was to go back to Palo Alto to my Philandering wife, and a city where...well, that was a city.  So I left Bud's and headed back to my favorite home base at Plaskett Creek.
I arrived at the campground just as it was getting dark, pulled in my motorhome and didn't even step outside....like I say, I was ready to crawl under a rock and hide..."no more magic for a while if you please".... So, I sat without even turning on any lights, and quietly played my twelve string. Mere moments later there was a knock on my door.... CRAP!!!, so much for the underside of this Rock. I opened the door and there was this incredibly breathtaking woman standing there, and she for some reason reminded me of the woman in the picture Jill had drawn, the woman whose face she saw superimposed upon my face, and I saw superimposed on hers. And that face was the face of the angel I saw when I was 8 years old in Japan, and who I saw once while sitting in my car in the parking lot where I worked in Redwood City . And the same face was superimposed on Debbie Hooper who I was takin a break with out there... and she (The Angel/Teacher/whatever was trying to tell me something, but....alas, I was distracted by Debbie Hooper, who was pretty dang cute and in the actual flesh sittin there...so I missed that lesson, but anyway standing there was this beautiful woman.
I might have seemed strange to her, I showed her the pic of the woman and asked if she knew her.... She said she looked kind of familiar.  Anyway this woman's name was Ramona and she was in this Band called the Jimmy Discount Band, and she wanted to know if I wanted to come and Jam with them..... I actually can't remember what happened right after that, but somewhere along the way she got my address and phone number and would a couiple weeks in the future show up with the band who had a gig in Palo Alto, and they stayed at my place.... But I'm pretty sure I declined her offer of the Jam and went to sleep for the night.
Well that whole under the rock idea was just not manifesting because at about 2:00 am there was another knocking on my door. What The Heck!!!?
I say, Who dat when I say Who dat? And he say," It's me Larry.
I don't know if I told you about my wild and crazy genius (on an alternate dimension) friend Larry. But there he was, he had hitchhiked down from the Bay Area...How he knew where I'd be, who knows... But there he was, and he had figured out all this stuff, the main thing I remember was something about how to travel to other planets, but using the mind...but also there was a physical ship powered by the mind involved.. Well he talked about that all night and I guess we finally maybe went to sleep, maybe not. But the next day we went down to the beach.(Sand Dollar Beach).  There was nobody there, the campground was empty now, and there was nobody on the beach. So we went down there and walked way down the beach and sat down lookin out at the waves.
A few minutes went buy and we were looking down the beach and there was this Golden glow. "What the heck is That", Larry asks..... I don't know... But it changes from Gold to sky blue, it's like a upright cocoon moving towards us from down the beach. It keeps changing from gold to blue. Larry (who was a photography (and fencing) instructor at De Anza College), and who always has his camera with him say's, "I'm not even going to try to photograph that." As the blue and gold cocoon gets nearer we start hearing what sounds like flute music. And as it gets still closer Larry say's,"isn't that the woman in the picture on the wall in your Motorhome." Because sure as you know what, inside that gold/blue aura was the woman in the picture with frame of gold (made from a pulverized stone) and Blue from paint I think frame...hanging in my motorhome.  The pic Jill had drawn.  Did I already say Holy S h -- you know what. It sure was her, and what was really weird was that not only did the color of the aura change...but the woman went from being this young beautiful woman....to being a very very old beautiful woman...back and forth.
Well Larry say's, "She's oviously here for you, you better go and talk to her..."...
Well " I DON'T THINK SO"....remember the hide under the rock scenario.
  Here is the woman on my wall, that I saw when I was eight and superimposed on Jill and Debbie Hooper. And here she was b4 my eyes, in a gold and blue changing aura, going back and forth from an old to young woman, while flute music was playing out of no where (she didn't have one, and neither did either of us...and we were the only folks around for mile.... ) NO, I don't think so.
Well at that point Larry informs me that he has a class to teach that night and better start hitch hiking back if he wants to make it in time, he tells me I should talk to her...and walks off down the beach.
Well about the time he's gone, the woman who excudes beauty and grace walks (OH, I didn't mention that she had gone and sat on the beach behind us)  anyway she walks past me and out into the ocean..... She dives into the ocean, looking not as human as maybe some incredibly graceful creature that was meant to dive and swim...and she dives into a wave then comes FLYING up out of the water maybe 30 feet up into the ain, then dives back down into the water, and flys up again, as far into the sky as I can see till she's a little dot, then comes flying back down into the water..
THAT'S MY QUE",
I'm outta here.
So I took off down the beach and headed up to the cliffs overlooking the beach.... But I couldn't leave.  I went on the cliff above where she was and climbed up into a small tree, and sat there and watched her. I watched her all day ( I got totally sun burned). But I sat and watched her flying...and diving, and doing this dance on the beach that felt like.... hmm, like her tribute to the Ocean. I watched and watched and finally I started to see what she was showing me.  She wasn't "Flying" like Superman, or a bird, but she was showing me what I've come to call,"the cords of God." And she was lifting herself with these cords, she was using them to do all these remarkable feats.  Some of you may have seen these cords before in Heightened states of consciousness.... I also call them the Web of Creation, because they connect everything in this huge Golden Web.  Anyway she was trying to tell me some things, And I suppose she did, because occasionally when I'm operating at the same frequency as that day...I remember.  But not right now.  So anyway I sit and watch and who know what the hecks going on on another level, when I finally get up my guts and decide to go down and talk to her...POOF, Holy Crap, some old dude in coveralls and a straw hat, and long white hair and a beard just instantly appeared about 15 feet away from her. I was looking down there and Poof, there he suddenly was. OK, scratch the plan of going and talking to her.  Then I watched them, and it was weird, it was like they were attached by an invisable ...something, that kept them always exactly the same distance apart as they walked down the beach.  Then she did this little dance that felt to me like a Good-by to the ocean...And it felt like....so final, and sad. And she flew up in the air and did her diving thing again, then they started walking off up the beach to leave by the stairs.  That was my que to take Rattlesnake Gulch back to camp in order to avoid any possible contact with them,,,,,
Get me Outa here!!!
Now I gotta tell you something really freaky.
A while back I did something I very rarely do....
I looked in the mirror,
and what I saw there was an old guy,
wearing a straw hat and coveralls,
and who had long white hair and a beard...
and I saw in the reflection the person I had seen appear 15 feet from her on the beach 35 years ago.
  It was me, now....who suddenly appeared.
Well I went back to the city and I think my wife told me that day when I arrived that she was leaving me.... PERFECT... I had sent Jill packing, and was back in the city that I did not like, and Janine was shackin up with my ex best friend.   (who was never really a friend at all, that's just what Janine kept tellin me).  Well Ramona and the band showed up at the same time another Guy and Girl I met somewhere along the way, Christian and Maria. They were in the same Plaskett Creek camp where and when I met Jill. They lived in a double decker bus, and I kinda liked Maria because she was extremely cute and had a thing about never wearing a shirt.  Well all these folks show up at the same time, in my small studio apartment, in a quiet old ivy covered place . A band and Christian and Maria all sleeping on my floor.
Then I got a letter from Jill, in it was another drawing... It was a drawing of the woman on the Beach, as she looked when she looked old. She said that when she saw her superimposed on my face, she saw the young woman, but also the old woman, but hadn't had time to draw that when she was staying with me. ( and never mentioned that aspect of it either).  I'd scan that pic too if I still had it but I gave it to my Step Son a few years ago, he was living with some Swami dude who was channeling her and said her name was "Grandmother Spider".. Well I don't know about all that but I gave the pic to Morgan, my step son.... so can't share it with you.  She had also met an Indian guy with the last name something like Meawasege and they were getting married. HOLY COW, that was fast.
So that was the end of that Magical Road trip.
Not long after that a genuine "Witch" named Ariel and her daughter Josey moved in with me ...that's another story about a time when I was trapped in the dualistic notion that Light must Battle Darkness...and Ariel and I went at it.... And I'm pretty sure I lost that one.... Then I moved into a tree house built in between 4 redwood trees in a place called Redwood Terrace, that was a moonshine capitol on the 20's.  Then It got seriously crazy scary with the a person named Jane who burned down my friends house and the place I got some power from for my treehouse. So I guess I'll tell you all those strories before I tell you about the German coming back and showing me the most incredible invention of all....the Healing/Mind Control machine.
Stay tuned....

OH, This Angel/Teacher/Whatever woman shows up again many years later superimposed upon another person's face. But I promised this person I wouldn't talk about her, so I won't be able to tell you much about that. But the "Teacher" led me to a woman I've spent time with in a bunch of lives, and I suppose I'll have to tell you about all that minus reference to the woman in this life.....because I'm coming all the way out of this "closet of weirdness" that was my life...that I've kept hidden so as not to be judged...

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section C: I Meet Bud and he clarifies a Past Life for me.

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section C:  I Meet Bud and he clarifies a Past Life for me.

So Jill and Steve road off into the sunset and I guess I must have teleported that motorhome up out of that sand pit….and I too was down the road.
It was kind of late so I just went a little ways that night to a trailer park that was either in or right on the edge of that Military Reserve. It was really interesting thrusting myself into this astral quagmire that that there trailer park just happened to be. Crazy energy everywhere….and there I was, unlike my normal self, smack dab in the middle of it. That night I had a dream that I was driving along and saw three dead owls on the side of the road. The next morning I got up and went to wash my clothes in the little Laundromat that was there. I put my clothes in then got em washed than put them in the dryer. Then I guess I went back to my motorhome for a while.  After a while I went back and took out my clothes. As I was standing there with my laundry in my arms this huge Indian walks in the door. He ducked his head as he came in, he might have been Navajo, I remember he was triangular like Navajo’s. And he’s screaming and yelling and getting really crazy and violent in my direction like nothin I’d ever seen. It seems some of his laundry got mixed into mine.  I don’t remember exactly what happened next…..it’s one of those things where in order to remember you have to be energetically in the same place, which I’m not right now, and have only been a few times since that episode with the Indian…..but whatever it was he ended up crying (from sadness) like a baby while I tried to console him.   Then he kinda sobered up and I saw he was getting embarrassed, so I walked out the door.
Just then this Jeep pulls up, and I see hanging from the mirror a buzzards feather, but not just any buzzards feather, it was the “speed” feather (as I call it) from that buzzard that led me on the little exploration back at the camp, the one with the 90 degree bend in the end.
So I asked one of the soldiers where he got it, he said that it was strange, just earlier that day they were driving along and it fell right into their Jeep from out of the sky, then he asked me if I wanted it….. and I don’t know why, but I said no…. Then I went back to my Motorhome, and hit the road, heading south down I 5.  So I’m cruising on probably cogitating on all the intense experiences I recently had…and all these questions were arising…kind of like a flood, one following the next. Then I saw it….an owl on the side of the road, I was cruising too fast and decided I’d get the next one, but there it was and I was still moving too fast, so I slowed down and kept my eyes pealed… There it was, the third owl. I got out, waited  for cars to pass and went over to pick it up. ( I admit it, I was road kill guy, I liked feathers, and porcupine quills and armadillo and turtle shells, and there are places where these are as frequently found as beer cans on the roadside outside Redneck USA.  ) So I went over there. It was a beautiful barn owl with a snake in it’s claws…and a mouse in the snakes mouth. They all seemed recently dead, so I bagged em all up.
Here is a photo of what I made from it, it’s pretty old now and kinda falling apart, but you can get the idea.  In it’s beak it holds the snakes vertebrae, and below that are some of the mouse’s bones. ( I once won an award in an art show for it and got my pic in the local paper.)_ 

Cool, score.  I headed back down the road.  At some point there was a cutoff to the coast that came out somewhere near Santa Barbara. You had to go over the coast range….and I did.  So I was cruising along and felt this odd pull, like I was supposed to go somewhere, but had no idea where…then I saw this Rock Shop and pulled over and went in.  There was an old guy with a twinkling eye ( I think the other had a patch, and I think he had a peg leg… really, but I can’t be sure with this guy. )  Remember how I said I had all these questions one on top of another going through my head…. Well this guy, whose name was Bud, just sequentially started answering them before I said anything but “Hi”.. I was hypnotized. He had some crazy kind of temple dog inside his sleeve that he told me some story about “Power” in relation to. Then he told me another story, he said that Power comes from Peace, and that the most peaceful folk in the world were a tribe in Africa that I think he called the Bantu.  He said he was over there in the War (WW2) and that he had a Bantu driver. One day he went to town to pick up his mail and while he went over to the Post Office the Bantu driver stayed back at the Jeep. Well he went in and was takin care of business and when he came out he looked across the way towards his Jeep and there were 3 Nazi’s yelling at the Bantu, and he was down on the ground and they were kicking him.  He started running over there because he saw that one of them was threatening with his bayonet like he was going to kill the Bantu.  He got there and the Bantu was standing now, as were the three Nazi soldiers, then one by one the Nazi’s heads tumbled off and they fell to the ground. Bud said that Bantu’s carried knives in the back of their pants…and that they live in a place of Peace, but if their Life is threatened, will protect themselves. Then he said he had to get the Bantu out of town before all hell broke loose. He told me a bunch more stuff about Peace, and Power, and showed me this stone

…and he kept telling me these scenes and I would see them very clearly in the rock, then he’d say something totally different…and I’d see that….he did this a bunch of times then told me something about how he did it. And then told me why he did it, something about "suggestion" and the human mind.  Then something he said reminded me of a vivid memory I have from I supposed was my last life. It was a memory of being a monk in this monastery in Tibet.  I can remember having this memory from before I could talk, like a few others that I was told were my imagination. And I started telling Bud this memory.  And what was happening was all of us monks were lined up in front of the monastery. We had been told that they were coming and that we would probably be killed, but that we mustn’t fight or lose our Peace.  Well I remember I wasn’t entirely happy with this scenario and thought that we could work it out…. But had no choice but to do what my Teacher had told me. ( I think years later I saw a movie where this might have happened and it kind of freaked me out). Because what the deal was was that as this one main dude walked down the line of the monks, he would stop in front of each, and if they would bow to him, he would spare their lives.  Well I guess my name was Wilson back then too, because I was at the dang end of that line (W’s always at the end). So I’m watching out of the corner of my eye as all my Brothers are being shot in the head. Well they came to me and I didn’t bow either…. At least that is what I said to Bud, and then I was shot.  Just then Bud say’s, “you did bow your head, but just a little” I was there and I saw it.  And I knew he was right…. I don’t know why he was there watching this horrible event, or in Africa with the Bantu’s, some kind of government job I thought.   Anyway when he told me that I just kind of shut down, pushed it out of my mind, told him I’d better go….he gave me the stone, and I left.
Now that was one of those memories that we humans are so good at suppressing, because when he told me that I just instantly pushed it aside, took any energy from it.  But finally many years later (just a few ago)
I faced it, and what it was was that on that day when all my Brothers held their heads high, it wasn’t that I was bowing down, but rather I couldn’t bear to look in the mans face, so I bowed my head down…. And the damn sucker shot me anyway, which is cool, it was all part of the plan, or so my Teacher had said, of kind of splitting us all up, and spreading us all around the next time where we could do more good. It seems all over the world there were these little pockets, where certain groups of souls had always gravitated to carry on …. Spiritual pursuits, and there in Tibet we were working on subtle levels to bring about Peace and love in Humanity, but now somewhere somebody who had a lot more spiritual clout than I did, decided we needed to split up….so we weren’t supposed to take it too badly.  But I took it real badly because my last thought was one of ultimate shame….because I thought that I had accidentally dishonored my Brothers and Teacher by bowing my head….. And I had pushed this aside to hide from myself, and all that energy I put towards keeping it hidden, just fed it more….and it grew in the dark into a demon that would taunt me from the shadows of my being…..  But the fact that Bud exposed it, even though it was many years later when I allowed it, allowed me to face it in the Light of Truth, and release some of it’s hold on me. Though I still feel like I need to apologize and explain myself to my Teacher and Brothers….
Well like a bat hastily escaping Hell I flew out of that rock shop and on down the road.. Pretty darned freaked out by recent events and just wanting to crawl into a hole a while until the day I was to go home. But that wasn’t going to happen.  I was about to meet the woman I saw superimposed upon Jills face, the same face that was on the angel that came to my room when I was 8 years old. She was going to show me something about "the cords of Man".And my magical friend Larry who somehow had known where I’d be showed up that night and got to see her too.

I’m afraid I’ve left out some major parts of the experience with Bud, but maybe sometime I’ll be vibrating at that frequency, and can share it in writing.

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section B A Powerful place of Fairies and Strange things…

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section B     A Powerful place of Fairies and Strange things…

So Jill and I traveled. We did art work by day, and drank a little too much Southern Comfort by night. She cooked amazing meals and I played the guitar like never before.  Finally I was getting low on money so we went into a town called King City and I called Janine. I asked her to drive down on the weekend and bring me some money and pick up stock I’d been making to put in some stores we were in back in the Bay Area, and one down in Hollywood. She said she’d see if she could make it, maybe if she could find somebody to come with. (little did I know she was shacking up with my “best friend”, that’s what she had ,”needed space” for he he). So I told her we’d meet her back at Plaskett Creek. Jill and I headed up over the mountains, through a military reserve called Hunter Liggitt Military Reserve. I’m not sure what they were doing there on that reserve but it was disturbing to see some of the results. On the way through we came across a lot of cows that were blind, in fact one had gotten all tangled up in some lines that were hanging down from a pole, and had walked around the pole until it was almost hanging itself. It was a calf, and as it’s “family” watched I struggled to get it free.  We also saw an eagle flapping around on the ground that looked like it was blind as well.  We headed over the mountain making a note of a place we’d like to camp in the future.  Well Janine showed up with very little money and my good friend Steve, and a dog named Liebe.  She didn’t have much money for me, said our stores weren’t selling much and that she had used it all to pay bills. ( As it turned out the stores were doing quite well and the Bills were not getting paid…but my “best friend” (By)  her boyfriend, un be knownst to me it seems had a speed habit).  Well I guess Janine got jealous that Jill was travelling with me, even though it was totally platonic….and even though Janine was sleeping with my best friend back home….it was too much for her ego and that night she slept with me and we had sex for the first time in a couple of years…. WHOOPIE !!! I liked that. She said she wanted me to come home…..in two weeks.  What ! why two weeks?  Well, “she just needed a little more time”. Well I guess having that rare episode of sex kind of like hypnotized me and I said YEAH, I couldn’t wait. Well  she and Steve left. Steve seemed to be falling in love with Jill, and said he wanted to come back next weekend. We told him we saw a camp over the mountain where we wanted to go and gave him directions. Then we headed over there.
Well this place we saw was in the Los Padres National Park, on the edge of that military reserve. It was on a beautiful little river (full of trout), and was hot and had a lot of edible plants growing there so we took this 27 foot motorhome down over a sand bank and parked it right next to the river and set up our camp. Liebe was with us now and she and I took off exploring.  The area was kind of like high desert, with lots of sagebrush and small oak trees and Manzanita.  Well just when we …..OMG, I just remembered something that I never figured out before…Woah…… well we’ll get to that. So right when were getting ready to leave camp this huge buzzard flies down and sits in a tree just maybe 10 feet from me….then it kind of hops/flys a few feet to the next one. It seemed like we should follow it, and we did. We followed it for about a mile, then it went down into this little draw….and I was getting this intense scary vibe and the dog was Barking like it was seeing a ghost or something.  I wanted to follow the buzzard..(oh, there was something about that buzzard, it had the “speed” feather on one wing broken at a 90 degree angle). Well I was standing there trying to decide if I was going to follow, with the dog barking and this negative vibe) when I heard Jill screaming way back at the camp.  I took off running, crossed the river and found her inside the motorhome…. What’s wrong!?  “We’re out of flour” she said….. What! Quiet mild mannered Jill screaming like she was being murdered, because we were out of Flour… Whatever. Now what I just remembered was this. An old guy who was fishing showed up in our camp…he was carrying a big gun on his hip so we questioned him about it.  Well it seems that there had been a bunch of murders in the area, some mass murderer was on the loose and killing folks in that general vicinity….AND the area was crawling with rattlesnakes. He had on knee high boots and was totally blown away by the fact that we were running around barefooted.  Well it seems he owned a Truck Towing business….after we fed him a good lunch of Poached trout (not poached as in a style of cooking, but poached as in no fishing license and out of season trout). ( I’d wondered why folks were honking and yelling out the window at me something about the long strand of fish I was proudly carrying as I walked back to camp that morning down the road…they seemed angry and weren’t yelling praises about my fishing ability) Well anyway he looks at where I had the motothome parked and determined that there was no way in hell I’d ever get it out of the sand pit I’d pulled it down in to, he gave us his card and said when we decided to leave, he’d pull us out for free.  Cool.
Well later that day a Ranger comes into our camp. The fishing poles were leaning against the motorhome and the fridge was full of fish.  He tells us that it isn’t fishing season…..ignores the fishing poles and says if we happen to see anyone fishing to let them know it isn’t season and that they’d need a license if it was… Cool dude. He asked if he could haul away our garbage, took it, and left.   Well we ate lunch and I decided to go explore in another direction, leaving Liebe with Jill for a watch dog.  There was some old mining road or something that went back into the hills in the blazing heat. I started walking.  Now, ever since I was a kid I’d seen Fairies…and this little troll like dude that followed me everywhere we had moved to until I was in the fifth grade and I chased him through the house one day, shooting at him with my bee bee gun as he ran through a closed sliding glass door.  He was on one side one second, and the other side the next second….. too bad I can’t say the same thing about the bee bee I attempted to shoot him with, that left a nice little hole in the sliding glass door. (that’s the true story Mom, not whatever I told you at the time). That was the last time I ever saw that little dude, or heard the music that always accompanied him.
Anyway I had always seen fairies, but as I grew up they no longer had human characteristics. They were now like….hmmm….like a bunch of little stars…like a mini solar system.  Now here is an interesting thing about my experiences with Fairies. If you want to attract them….take a pee in the woods. I don’t know what it is, I think it’s the sound….but it always draws them.  Anyway I came to this place that overlooked this valley…maybe I took a pee, but I suddenly realized I was surrounded by Fairies. It was insane, in the middle of the day ( I usually only saw them at night since I’d grown up, since I saw them as these little galaxies of light, I think daytime sort of made them hard to see….but not now, the whole valley was full of them, and aside from that there was this gridwork of light (as best as I can describe it) It was like some kind of …web/blueprint of the same kind of light that the fairies were made of… Very interesting.  Well I kept walking and came down into a little draw…..and was instantly freezing cold….even though it was at least 100 degrees outside. I remembered what Don Juan said about, ”the spirit of the water hole” and figured that was what I was feeling…I imagined a little creek would be here in the winter.  Anyway I looked up out of this draw and quite a distance away on top of a hill I saw something glowing.  It was a bright golden light, so I headed in that direction. By this point I had walked a long time in the blazing sun without water and I was tired and very hot. Well I got up to the top of the hill and saw what was glowing.  It was strange, it was the stalk of an agave flower, long dead and silver gray in color….but there was no mistake that it was glowing. It was about 8 feet tall and 2 ½ inches in diameter. I got out my knife and cut it off and decided I’d better get heading back to camp, as I was totally exhausted and thirsty, I felt like I was going to faint, but really wanted that glowing stalk. So I cut it off and put it on my shoulder like someone carrying a spear…. Then something amazing happened. It was as though the stem was carrying me back to camp, like it was pulling me along….like I was weightless and I felt like my feet were barely touching the ground( and that’s not just an expression here, it really felt as though I was flying along being pulled by this agave stalk).  Well it carried me back towards home base and at one point we came to the top of a hill and I decided to meditate for a moment. Then I saw this “wind” , it was like a little cyclone that was moving around in the valley below…it felt like it was looking for something…. I yelled out and it made a bee line for me from way across the valley. It’s direction totally changed and it headed straight for me.  I remembered something Don Juan said (though can’t remember it now, but just before it got to me I yelled,:”change my direction”….  When it hit me I spun around a few times…… it took off and I headed back to camp all excited to tell Jill about my magical little trip and show her the Agave stem.
We stayed in this camp for a while, took  a shower under a little waterfall, Jill showed me how to wash clothes on rocks, and I did a lot of jamming with some birds and my 12 string… At some point, probably the next weekend, Steve shows up at our camp. I guess my time to be going home to my philandering wife was getting near.   There is something I’m not remembering….. I think it has to do with me being an asshole, and hurting Jill.  Anyway Steve shows up…. I can tell he likes her, I’m thinking, Good, hope you guys have a wonderful life….I’m going home to my wife…… But one last night here and Steve was going to take Jill back to Palo Alto and put her on a bus back to Canada.  ( Oh, Steve was a cool dude. Came from a long line of ….I guess you’d call them psychics…. Plus I’m not so sure he was human. He didn’t dress like anybody else, or talk like anybody else except Fede his wife he picked up in Germany, and Ayla and Michael…. These four traveled all over. Steve was stationed in Germany and spent a little time there in a prison for smuggling hashish….. Anyway after he got out these four traveled all over, they knew where you could go with Jeans, a make a bunch of money, then get stuff in that country that someone somewhere else would pay a high price for…and they just traveled around to some of the most incredible places on the planet, islands over near Greece in that Sea that Spell Check can’t even figure out what I’m trying to spell….starts with an M and is long…. Well anyway these folks who were wonderful people had their own accent that I guess was a blend of all the places they went, they walked different than anybody I ever knew….kind of floated along, flowing movements…. Well, I digress….
So Steve shows up and brought some Magic Mushrooms for Jills last night. She never had any…..and I didn’t need any…..so both of them took some, and we decided to go see where I had seen the “Fairy City”.  Which was the way I thought of that place where they all were, because of the gridwork reminds me of a city layout.  Now there is one weird thing when you see Fairies the way I do, like I said sort of like little universes of Lights like stars…well you can’t really tell distance with them….so the size thing is out the window.. (that’s just a little side note). So I told em a few rules that you kinda need to keep in a situation such as this… The first thing is … keep your head and mouth and belly Quiet. The second thing was…Listen intently (we’re in rattlesnake heaven at night walkin right through em, so you want to be maximally aware.)  Now I kind of enjoyed being around these guys when they took the mushrooms because their intention was….not to just get stupid, but rather to expand the range of their perception.   So in the dark we take off walking. Oh yeah, the third rule….”walk silently”. I think back then I liked to use the term, ”don’t indulge” …a term I picked up from Don Juan….  So right off I noticed something interesting.  Bats….. You know bats are ….hmmm, messengers. They can be messengers from our souls, to keep our intention focussed upon our Paths.. So Right off I notice we have an Honour Guard of Bats…   OK, so now the first rule of “Quiet”, is the key to seeing Fairies.  When we are lost in the Fairy Tale of our “Description” of the world…we can’t see real Fairies. So we’re out there quietly, very slowly walking along the trail….and every time Jill or Steve or I would start to “indulge” one of the bats would fly right by our ears….and we’d move on.  I observed this a bunch of times with Jill and Steve and noticed that they rarely noticed the bats at all…. But every time it happened, they Shut Up, and we started moving again..
Well we finally got to the Valley of the Fairy City and since they knew the rules, and followed pretty well (I suppose the mushrooms helped)…they were able to see it.   It was incredible at night.. It was like looking down on Silicon Valley at night….millions of little lights, in a grid like pattern….with all these Fairies flying around.  (found out later each of us saw the Fairies a bit different from the others).  Anyway it was ….incredible, Beautiful…awe inspiring….. And it seems it was almost impossible for those guys not to get all excited and start thinking about it….. UH OH ! So, the bats are flying fast and furious about our heads and they still are standing there “indulging”…until it begins to sound as though every single rattlesnake within miles, was converging upon us. We could hear the movement all around us. Well that got us moving…. I repeated the rules and we headed on. Pretty soon we were coming to that draw where it was soo cold. We walked down into it…. But not Liebe. She was barking like we were being attacked by monsters…. We went down in as she just stood there and wouldn’t go further…. It was freezing cold down there… Jill and Steve got kind of freaked out. I wanted them to stay and really check it out with me, but about that time they noticed the agave on the hill….it was glowing (there was more than one stalk) and they were lighting up the night like golden torches.  Well that was a good excuse for them to get out of there… I stayed and looked up the draw….  I was looking with my Third Eye trying to see if I could “see” what was making it so cold….. what I saw was just this big totally black area…. And then CLACK,CLACK,CLACK.  It sounded like someone was hitting two hardwood two by fours together right in front of my nose….  Woah, dang guys, you gotta check this out.  I went up the hill and they were all ramblin on about the glowing Agave stems, and I’m tellin them about the clacking.  Well about now I’m picking up this vibe that say’s…”They are scared shitless” (sorry Mom).  But there’s only one way back, and I’m thinking, “I hope I don’t have to carry them out of there like I did Bill that one time in the valley of Ticks. Grown man maybe 50 pounds heavier than me….. refusing to go another step, so I had to carry him out…,,,I digress again).  Ok, Liebe is still on the other side of the draw barking… we go down in it and I say, stay, check it out. Well there’s that extremely loud Clacking Sound right in front of our noses….. Jill lights up a cigarette. (she wasn’t really a smoker, but hot gotten it from Steve) and at the moment the lighter flicked…..it was as if everything around us just pulled back from us….like the whole desert recoiled. Steve and I looked at each other in the flame light, and each grabbed one of Jills arms, and ran towards Liebe, still up on the edge of the draw barking.  We moved like the wind, which is good because when we got up on the edge of the draw….and looked down, it was as if the whole desert that had pulled back, rushed back in. We could see it coming in from all directions…and when it all met there was a huge explosion sound…….. Holy crap.  We were pretty sure if we had been down in there…we’d of been squashed into nothingness…..  Well the next day They left, and I headed down into the valley …..I spent the night in a trailer park, possibly in the Military Reserve.

Well the next day I have a very strange experience with a large Indian….A dream I had this night, comes true….and I meet Bud, an old dude in a rock shop near Santa Barbara, who saw me die in my last life in Tibet ( a vivid memory I've had since I was old enough to think....but he remembered things I had repressed) and told me some things that I’m just beginning to understand, and the bent feather from the buzzard I had followed, ends up in my hands, handed to me by a soldier who was driving along and it just fell out if the sky into the Jeep that he and three other guys were riding in.