Finally going to come clean...admit it. and more on Autism

I'm so tired of hiding

Ever since I was a child.

Because if I didn't hide

I scared the Hell out of Em.

But then I secretly explored...

And I saw things very few have seen.

I've been places most folks 

don't even know exist..

My Teachers returned 

and showed me the Beginning

and End

of Creation...

See,

 I either scare you,

 or you think I'm Tripping,

making stuff up.

Because just about everything I have to say,

that is really important

and really what I need to say,

to be Myself

and live my purpose.....

IS Unbelievable to most.

You get hung,

 or burned

 in even just a couple lifetimes..

you learn to hold your tongue

But it's a prison,

and one that slowly destroys you.

Because if we hide who we are

don't speak what we have to say,

we are not doing our job

in the Whole.

So, I've tried this a bunch of times...

but it is so hard....

to tell the Truth,

as it is seen from 

this single point

in a sky full of stars.

But also as it is seen from beyond

all those stars,

on the outer edge,

lookjing in.

I saw things ...

I saw my past lives

 from when I was very young.

When I was 8 a woman...or angel

that I call, My Highest Teacher,

for lack of a better word...

Came to me..

That's the first time in this Life.

She sent me on a journey,

and did things to me....

frequency wise I guess.

But she "wasn't real..."

the others "were not real,"

those past lives that were clearer than this one,

"weren't real."

I remember very little of my childhood.

Psychic episodes here and there...

But I was in Prison,

I couldn't breathe...

who I was was not acceptable.

I shrank and hid inside myself,

and denied whatever came,

that wasn't,"normal".

I think a lot of us were "trained" like that. 

Then in 1970 I had hiked up a Mountain,

and had what some call,

An Experience in Cosmic Consciousness.

I was just this Nerd, on a hike..

playing the game as much as possible

in my life,

(which wasn't much).

Then I was sitting on this Mountain,

and it was so Beautiful...

I started to Cry,

because I didn't have a camera,

and couldn't keep that moment..

And a voice told me to,

take it ALL in with my Mind

like a camera.

And Suddenly

I was on the outside edge of the whole Web,

Seeing all the points of Light, all Interconnected

all functioning as one Thing,

growing and expanding from the Center...

And I felt Bliss.

Total Ecstasy beyond anything ever before.

My body was Light.

Then I came back to myself...

totally changed,

I could hear and feel the trees,

I knew what they felt...

I could feel them guiding me..

I lived in Palo Alto but was In the Santa Cruz Mountains on Mt. Helen, orEllen... I looked at the sign and actually remembered that much

Well the trees led me back to town and a Bookstore,

I'd not been there before.

It was the Plowshare,

and I went to the back room called the "Seed Center"....

And saw a book glowing on the shelf.

It was A Treatise on White Magic,

And it just so happens it came from one of my teachers in my last life,

Then I saw another....

It was,

"Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrines....

Well, I recognized some of the faces there inside the cover,

and the Techniques were totally...

old hat.

So I bought these books,

(and soon after The Light of the Soul),

also from my ex teacher via Alice Bailey,

this was basically the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.

That night I went home and to bed...

And I had a dream I was in this Huge White Hall,

and there was a Man in a white cloak,

teaching me things..

I could never look at his face,

if I did I would dissolve into Light.

But I could see his hands...

The next morning I woke up and read the first chapter in the White Magic Book,

It was...in the same order

(which is important with these things)

as what the Teacher had taught me the night before.  

Every Night I'd be in that White Hall,

and the teacher would be teaching me the next chapter.

This had a very profound effect..

OK, I better give a brief description of what "White Magic" is all about,

so this doesn't sound too weird.

Basically it is the science of the soul,

it's working...and doings.

And to understand these things is not learning the usual way,

but by experiencing them first hand.

The idea is to function on a soul level...

which we normally don't do,

he he...to say the least.

So I learned ,many things from this teacher, 

and others that were flocked all around.

But the primary thing was

showing me all these different paths

that ended up in the Light..

In Bliss Love and Ecstasy.

And I was told pretty early on I was meant to teach these Paths,

to show for one thing that there are many.

Within the 7, 

there are many.
I never bothered teaching them....
there didn't seem to be the .....
aspiration out in the world for that knowledge.

It was intense.

The Tibetan Yoga practices....

Yoga of the Dream State where I learned 

where time exists and how to break the Time Barrior.

And what causes Deja Vu.

How to travel into the Future....

Then Astral plane travel..

Not astral projecting....

Yoga of the Death State,

dying, going through the process

without actually dying..

And I broke rules that hurt me,

BUT I learned things even my teachers probably don't know...

Well maybe not.

I learned by experience that,

it is possible to devolve.

Most experts will tell you this is not possible, 

that we are always moving forward....

BUT, something I learned by dying without dying,

is what makes a Ghost a Ghost.....

And I did that,

without being dead....

Not wise,

but I learned things I would not have otherwise.

Ghosts are in a state of stagnant evolution

because they have attached themselves to their "construct"

To the energetic reflection of who they WERE.

We all have these, 

at least I think we do..

well, new souls won't have had time to have one built,

but anybody who has read this far,

isn't one of them and would have quit reading by now as this would just all be too much of a jump.

Throughout our lifetimes we (and those who know us) create an energetic body that reflects who we are.

It's like the souls shadow.

As the soul shines across our 

self in the world...

And this energetic "Construct" as I call it..

Follows us on the astral plane...
like a shadow.
Well, it's a magnetism thing as everything is in that realm.

When we die, we are in it's realm.

But rarely do we look back in that process..

Well once again I'm projecting.

My Teachers #1 rule was...

Don't look back, don't look to the side,

keep your eye focused upon the Light on the other side.

Because everything in that realm is governed by Laws

that are reflections of Laws here,

only greatly amplified.

 If your attention goes to a place...

when you die,

if you see something and fixate on it, 

you will go there...

That's one Law..

And beyond that, if you go there,

you will be pulled in.

It could be a Heaven Realm,

or a Hell Realm,

Or if you are going to be a ghost because you are just soo attached to the past, then you might turn and look at your construct....

And you will become a Ghost.

What I did was actually about 1000 times worse.

Something to mention here.

Around our Constructs there is what looks like 

to me

shedding skin pieces.

What this is is..... 

as time goes by,

as we evolve and change,

maybe only on the return trip on the evolutionary wheel,

our "Old stuff"

sheds off from our construct... dissipates into it all.

These are like pieces of who we were.

Well the motivation for me to do this crazy thing was that my Girlfriend/future 1st wife,

had seen me in a timeless state..

and freaked out...

And begged me to go back to,Who I was".

I loved her and asked her if I did would she come to the Light with me.

She said Yeah,

So I had the knowledge...

I simply went through the death...turned and looked at my construct, but specifically at the skin that was shedding...

Wowe, I'm really rambling... and there are so many holes that need to be filled to make this understandable..

well actually it can't be..

it has to be known.
By the way, becoming a Living Ghost....
not a good idea.
Because all those old pieces of myself just came back all at once, disordered.
As we evolve there is a distinct pattern.....  when I did my Humpty Dumpty episode as I've come to call this.... The order was not there.
I became WAY TOO PSYCHIC
plus lost my Teachers...
Could not live in the city because a whole city blocks thoughts, feelings and infirmities were within me.
Hit the road ..
VW van, as far from humans as possible.
I couldn't be around them without taing on their stuff...
When I did, they were healed of their stuff,
because the only way I could stop convulsing
was to Go into The Light..
And since my .... aura was about the size of a city block,
and they were init....and I was in the Light...
they were too,
and were healed.

But it was not sustainable for me...
I had to harm myself further by putting an energetic block in the base of my spine, 
to hold everything out....

Don't do this, 
it might be OK for a few minutes to hold off certain weird crap that might come at you, but not a good idea on a permanent basis.

I walked through a door,

became one with it, 

then materialized on the other side..

Very scary because it was my own idea,
(not my teachers)

and I got stuck in the door,

my teacher helped me out....
This was before I lost them.

I traveled in water a pretty fair distance..

Materialized and dematerialized things..

What else..

A bunch of stuff that just sounds totally bogus...

nobody can do that,

BUT the reality is,

once True Contemplation is learned

it's as easy as anything.

Well, anyway I think the direction I was going in was......

I know how to die properly....

I know the 7 main paths to the Light that heals all, 

and teaches, and purify's our souls and feeds our evolution.

And right now, because of certain rare cosmic situation.....

well, 

Creation is reaching critical mass.

The Light is under pressure

it's becoming intensified.

It's amplification is making the shadows

even darker...

People are feeling the pressure in their souls

and need to come to terms with this pressure

but don't know how.

AND, because of this pressure,

when we die, 

a lot more evolution can happen,

exponentially more than ever before.

We need to know How to Die.

A major contributor to autistic children,

is simply that with the amplified

White Hall, as I call it..

Th next to last or so stage in the death and rebirth process.

With the White Hall 

being amplified a thousand times,

we die, and

when we come back we've evolved like as if we had just lived 100 lives...

And at this time,

what this means with a lot of souls is,

They will be so far beyond us

as to seem a different species...

and we will call them Autistic

and other things,

because we can not see their perspective.

We do not feel as they do.

We all live in castles it's taken lifetimes to build...

They stand totally exposed to the elements...

that we have forgotten..

So I've hidden my whole life because I did not see a place in the world..

for who I am, or what I know...

But now I'm beginning to see

how important it is that we all,

EXPRESS who we really are.

I have done a strange thing to myself..

A long time ago,

the last time I stood on the edge of eternity...

I made a vow,

from I guess my deep sadness and loneliness in that moment..

as I was standing there alone,

yet feeling my group so deeply...

I vowed not to return without them...

And I've lived my life by that..

That's freakin Crazy...

But I feel so bound by that.

We are not isolated individuals...

we do not travel alone...

we do not make the big moves

alone...

At least I'm convinced of that

enough to ..... to deny myself

the Light.

And the other part is that I'm afraid

of what will happen if I go there alone..

Every time I have in the past,

it changed me...

And those I loved feared the change.

I love people so much,

but don't like scaring them.

HMMM...???

And the other thing is, I'm afraid it might be more energy than this body can stand.

OH yeah, see one of the most important magical tricks that we have to learn..... but is very difficult,

is we have to be able to ride the Light..... to surf the powerful waves,

without identifying them to parts of the body, or physical systems.

You have to be one with it, but not by perceiving it through the senses...

it has to be ...perceiving itself.

I'm not sure I can pull that off any more,

and if we don't...

it can put a major energetic hit on the body....

The trick, then to healing is to Be the Light

and perceive from there...not from the body.

If the Light looks upon the body,

the body is healed.

If the body and mind

 looks upon the Light....

if that body and mind

 is not pure and Natural,

and whose is,

it can suffer harm.

So I worry about the ability to maintain the perception from the Vantage Point of the Light..

and not from that of my mind and body.

YIKES....

Autism
(sudden realization and shift slightly of topic)

I always described the LSD experience,

as being like your mind is all these rivers, with branches and natural courses to run.

LSD increases the flow and intensity of those rivers.
I tried it a couple of times but, got to the same place, (the Light) better and without the threat of sidetracks, through Meditation. 

If a branch of that river gets sidetracked by the mind wandering here or there, the branch that carried that thought will swell, get bigger than it should be.  The subsequent "experience" is a "TRIP"

When LSD was used therapeutically for a short time, with much success...it was successful because the researchers made a point of steering the person to the Light...and keeping them from "Tripping".

It occurs to me that autistic kids are energetically like the Tripping person.

I was asked by someone what I thought about LSD or Mushrooms for treatment of autism....

and now I wonder....

if it was done in a controlled setting like they did back in the day.

Because now that I'm thinking about it, shock therapy I believe is effective sometimes because it sort of puts a white noise...a 

HMM, how can I explain this?

It's like all the rivers are blown out to their max..

there is no longer an imbalance.

The water no longer flows more heavily down a sidetrack... It's all balanced.

You see, if you are operating at a higher frequency...and stronger intensity of Light.

which autistic kids are...

then it doesn't take much to distort the flow of the river.

OMG...

Look what we have done to the Saints and Sages...

Put a little Mercury or some other heavy metal in the mix, BOOM..

sidetracked...and who knows how it will manifest.

This is why there is so much variation in the disorders.... Just like how vaccines cause mini strokes in everybody, but in all different areas of the brain....

This is a rabbit hole I'm not sure I'm ready to go down...

I get lost in things like this.