Not to be Distracted from "The Light"

I have a couple lifetimes,

the last 2,

that weigh very heavily on my soul.

Within those two 

Deaths...

and what those deaths were the culmination of...

lie the chinks in my armor,

the weaknesses in my Aura

that allow for difficulties on an energetic

and physical level.

When we carry an astral Trauma,

within our etheric (energy) bodies,

it's just a matter of time..

before some generally unwanted

manifestation appears

in our physical bodies.

Taryn say's I should write this out,

the whole story...

bring it into the Light.

SO, Well...

I was Red Rock Lakota

Heyoka

We were at war,

well we'd like to pretend..

No, we were being Hunted

like animals.

There was a "battle"

I was with the old folks, 

the women and children.

I was a man of Peace.

Been a fighter

far too long.

We were in this "draw",

Like a wide arroyo

brush here and there.

To our right, over the edge of the draw,

a bit down and ahead of us...

The People were fighting the Blue Coats.

We were running parallel,

but we thought unseen.

Then from up behind our group came a bunch of soldiers.

They were just killing everyone.
Women, children, old folks..

I didn't understand..

Everyone was scattering..

getting mowed down.

I went off to the right and down a bit.

There was a soldier down there,

...

I was Feeling the whole thing

It was like I was the nexus upon which 

it all congealed.

And the feeling was all wrong...

And it was the lack of integrity,

which.....

Blew me away,

I can't pull up what that soldier was doing.
Part of me tells me he was killing 
one of my Group, 
and I'm not so sure that is a correct memory, because I have a "feeling"
that he was 
maybe throwing up...
maybe sick of it.

Sometimes our minds will distort History,
to make us feel better.

But I became part of the

Insanity...

of the lack of integrity...

I had a knife, 

jumped on the guy,

yelling a derogatory word for "White Man",

and I pulled his head to the side,

and slit his throat.

And in that moment...

I felt our...

Oneness

I saw his family

in his dying eyes...

And I pitied 

and feared

his lack of integrity.

There was a word for that in our language.

Seemed like it starts with an H..

like Hosani ...nope....hmmm

Honsica,?Hosteen???

I think it's 2 or three syllables...

I loved that word, I made it central to my "Purpose".

I lived for that.

My overriding intention

was to remain in

a state of Peace..

and UNITY.

But in this Craziness

it did not exist...

Then, in the middle of my Back,

and through to the front

was a searing hot 

oblivion.

My whole life , this time, 
I've had problems...

continually with that exact spot on my back..

then inside my body a long life of....

GERD..

that centered

right inside my body where 

where I was shot..

or lanced.

Considering the timing of

my acute ....Anger

and Confusion,

at the moment my "Life: ended,

I'll bet I spent quite a little eternity in a Hell Realm.

Whenever I have re experienced

this memory,

my anguish seems centered around,

my killing that guy.

He didn't have Anger

or hate of us...

He had Fear.....

And for that fear 

gave up his integrity,

and did that which was horrific to him.

I used to always cry when I even started to think about this,

but not tonight...

And right now

in the middle of my chest,

the size of 3 quarters

stacked upon themselves

is a perfectly round
very hard like a rock
some weird kind of
Keratinous

Squamish Cell Carcinoma..

That's how it works folks.

Gettin it removed ASAP.

And right now it hurts there on my chest,

inside of me, directly behind it

in my esophagus

is a discomfort

and directly behind that

is that spot in my spine

that has given me fits since I was maybe 22.

A direct line

through my body....

the same line that lance

or from the looks of that

growth on my chest

a Bullet flew.

Next thing I know

I'm living in Tibet

a lowly monk in a huge amazing Monastery. 

And now it is all about Integrity with our Souls.

Continual communion

with our Souls.

Learned Contemplation

and meditation.

Learned to better be with the Silence.

Learned about Limitlessness.

But the Chinese were coming.

The Master told us

that it was time for us to 

spread upon the wind

to the corners of the Earth.

And we were not to flee the Chinese..

And basically choose death.

Then they came,

and lined us up 

on like these steps...

but a wide one.

And they told us something like,

if we gave up our religion,

and bowed to them..

we would be spared.

I was pretty near the end of the line.

Oh yeah, we were not to look them in the eyes.

we were supposed to look down

when they were in front of us.

So these few soldiers and a Big Wig

walk down the line,

and all my Brothers,

look em straight in the eye...

then get shot in the head.

They get down to me,

I gotta say, I didn't agree with the Master

about this course of action..

but there I was...

So they come to me,

and I look the guy in the face,

and in that instant see,

who he really is and that

he is not in integrity...

I feel sad, and bow my head in sadness.

Then in that moment,

felt a great Shame

a Guilt,

because I believed that

the monks in line behind me would believe I bowed to them.

I even felt shame in front of

the ones who had been shot.

Afraid my sadness would be mistaken to be

compliance with Tyranny.

Then I was shot in the head.....

You know I met a guy,

maybe in 1977.

His name was Bud,

He was there that day,

in my previous life.....

acutely observing....

Running into him was interesting.
He was a very magical dude,
and he told me things
about myself that day,
that I had hidden,
because they were so Painful.

So now I am finishing writing this a month or so later,
The cancer was removed,
"they got it all",
6 inch scar

But it's back...

We can not remove our Karma,
with a blade.

I have so much to let go..

I know what I need to do..


I need to get back to the Light.

And if I shine that Light,
upon those two Deaths...

I can let them be what they are,

without my
Trauma
attached to them,

and so 

Let them Go.

You know what saddens me,
and hurts me,
about so many folks these days,
giving up their Integrity,
Is that..
My Trauma from those lives,
and others,
that still expresses
through my 3 bodies
(astral, etheric and physical)
is built upon,
my giving up my Integrity.

I have not forgiven myself for
Killing that soldier,
and the ...
Intense anger I felt in that moment.
And I have not forgiven myself for 
Bowing my head to
the Chinese soldier.
Because....
my Shame is sooo deep.

I want to Scream out,
to my Brothers there,
"I am not bowing to them"...
Wherever you are in this life,
Know that I was not bowing to them."
I had spent years,
becoming Open...
and quietly aware...
and yet the 
deep sadness I felt when I 
saw that soldier,
who would kill me.
But not a sadness of my death,
but rather a sadness for him,
for his 
Disconnection.

In that life and the previous one,
my whole being was devoted to,
Being AT PEACE.
And I realize that those words,
"Be at Peace"
can not be understood by you,
my dear reader, 
if there is one...
unless you have known it.

In Peace... We are One
and this is the real Truth.

Yet we are not at Peace,
and we do not,
love our brother as our self..
Because
we become distracted.

And there are forces upon the planet 
that do all they can to keep us
from that Peace 
that Oneness,
and keep us separated....
and Distracted...
Fighting our silly battles,
battles that they orchestrate.

I've been practicing,
maintaining my Peace...


I've been through a few 
Surgical procedures recently.
Having my body sliced 
and scooped
and stitched,
while I sat there awake.
At one time just the thought of it,
would Freak me out.
But I kept my Peace...

And what helped were some old tricks..
Der Dape Mashtra/
Abu Nabe Shim Shom.
A magical technique I learned
when I was young.
and
"Light of Lights,
penetrate the Created Darkness,
and Free the Lost Sun/
Sound forth the Note
that kindles the Fire."

and even
I am Light,
I am air,
I'm the wind
without a Care.

Time to Find that Peace

Time to Find the Light.

(well it's not a matter of finding it, it's a matter of not being distracted from it.)

I guess it's time to stop being Distracted.