Monday, May 31, 2010
Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 4
An Enlightening Experience and Meeting my Teachers.
So I went through High School. I was a nerd, pocket protector and all…skinny dork that had to keep hidden at school so some gang didn’t want to beat me up. School sucked. Freshman year was Hell, that summer I changed… I started pumpin iron, drinkin metracal…. I got really strong. So the next year the bullies were sayin stuff like, “hey Wilson, is that you?, you got strong. I set all kinds of records in PE…insane like 90 situps in 60 seconds, I could do pull-ups all day (of course it helped that I was so small and light…) I made it to my senior Year. Viet Nam was going on… I began to see the games myself and my friends were playing…just stupid ego stuff, I kind of drifted away from my friends and got quiet and reflective. Janis died and my heart was breaking…and then Janine walked across the Quad.. Blond frizzy hair that looked like Janis’s….no bra, cute titties bouncing up and down (hey, I’m being honest here…cut me some slack)… I was instantly is love. This ex nerd just walked up to her and introduced himself. Then we kind of became stuck like glue. I graduated early…they made up a class so I could graduate early…(I think they wanted to get rid of me now, long haired hippy type now) And I had a job waiting for me at the phone company that I’d been training in school for. I was outa there. Not too long after this I cruised up into the Santa Cruz mountains… I got out and walked up Mount Helen, or Ellen… I think Helen. Anyway I got to the top and sat down. I looked around and it was sooo beautiful that I had the following process happen: I started to cry from the Beauty and the desire to keep that beauty with me all the time. Then this voice comes in my head and say’s , “take a picture of it with your mind…make your mind a camera of this moment and take in that whole Picture….. And THEN IT HAPPENED. Jeff was gone….there was nothing but this Blissful White Light…..And then I felt myself again….but not in my body, but rather it felt like I was the perimeter of Creation itself, looking back in upon myself….which was everything…. And what it looked like was this almost infinite Web, like a spider web made of all these golden cords…and the intersection of each cord was a human or an animal, or tree, or whatever…. Then I was in the Light again….. Then I was sitting on the side of the mountain feeling a whole new energy….feeling like a totally different person…and now suddenly I could “feel” all the plants and trees around me…like I could feel like they felt…. And it was like I was being drawn somewhere…and I ended up in a bookstore called the Plowshare in Stanford…in the back room called “the Seed Center”. I walked over to the shelves and picked out a book that was literally glowing…. I looked at it and it was called, “A Treatise on White Magic” by Alice Bailey, then I saw another book glowing and picked it up, It was Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrines translated by Evans/Wentz, then I saw a third and it was “This is Reality” by Roy Eugene Davis, it was a translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.
I went home, or maybe to work (I worked split shifts) anyway I didn’t get a chance to check them out and went home and to sleep.
Well that night I had one dream, it lasted all night, and it was unlike any dream I had ever had before. I was in this place that was all White, it was almost as bright as when I had gone into the Light when I was on the mountain. And I was standing in front of a very tall man in white Robes…everything was white…in fact every time I tried to look at his face, I’d be back into the Light like when I was on the mountain. I finally quit trying to look but focussed on his hands, and paid attention to what he was saying…This went on all night. The next day I read from those three books, and what I read was everything that I was told the night before. And these were instruction on ways to meditate. And I practiced what I learned in my dreams then read in those books.…and it was as easy as breathing. And this went on night after night after night. And then in the daytime, even when I wasn’t asleep…there were a few “Teachers” always with me, and in every situation guiding me….yet like with the “German” I was in the experience but all the while denying it and pushing it aside. Well I learned a lot of wild and crazy stuff from these Teachers. It just started with Contemplation, of “becoming” that which I focused upon…and of going in to the Light and just staying in that Bliss as long as possible…and every time I came out of that I was a little changed…actually a lot changed. These teachers had what they called ,”the rule of Three”. And this basically stated that of these things they were showing me I could only “do” each three times, no more. Their reasoning was that humans are very habit orientated…and we use habits to lock ourselves into a description of the world that is most comfortable. They didn’t want me to even live in a description of the world any more. (Humans don’t really live in what is, they live more in what they think…and feel …is…. More in a description of the world. So they had this rule of three so I wouldn’t become too attached to any of the cool stuff they were showing me, and in so doing get comfortable in a description…and not be able to go to the next thing they had in mind to show me. Some of the wild and crazy stuff: The first thing I learned was that ANYTHING was possible if we could focus our Intention…and attention, so I focussed on all sorts of crazy stuff. I traveled down the drain with the water, with Janine sitting there in case I needed help coming back…. The experience was like being laughing blissful blue white bubbly…. And I was hearing all the different people in their apartments…but then I recognized the voices of people across the street. I was getting to be everywhere that the water could go…then I sort of freaked out, “can I get back to my body”?!!! Janine didn’t know I was freakin out…. Then a strange thing happened…. The faucet turned itself off. (OH yeah, I had my head in the sink with the water running…contemplating that ). And I was instantly back in my body. Well that night I did 2 more things with poor Janine there along for the ride. I took us into a mirror where we could see past lives reflected…then I spread out the atoms of this Tree Branch I had made into a sculpture and made it “disappear” for a few moments….. And she was out of there. A few days later she shows up at my apartment with two guys, she’s bringing me back my engagement ring…. I was running literally on the walls and ceiling. She told me later that I had pretty radically freaked those guys out. I did this other crazy thing… (and I have to say all these things might sound wild, but they were so easy once I was able to “contemplate”. )
I decided to walk through a solid door. It wasn’t that big a deal, just contemplate down to the atomic level, upon the door, and myself…and will myself through the door by first synchronizing my vibration with the doors. Anyway I found myself “stuck” in the door, it was like once I merged the atoms I suddenly …well my focus shifted…and I was stuck. One of my teachers somehow got me out….. I learned “yoga of the Dream state” which was a very simple exercise that had the side effect of making me dream the following day in it’s entirety… That led to a day of total déjà vu with every single movement. (These are all stories in themselves but I’m trying to keep this concise so folks don’t have to be reading on and on and on. ) I practiced “yoga of the psychic heat” which made it so I could sit without clothes in the freezing cold, and be toasty. Every day there was some new cool experience, or meditation style. They wanted to show me as many paths as possible. Then they started showing me the Death experience. They took me through the process, minus cutting the silver cord that holds us to our bodies. I saw Heavens and Hells and other things I’m not going into here that I call “constructs” which are a spiritual reality that haven’t gotten a lot of, or any Newage Press he he. But you know they didn’t observe the rule of 3 here, I’m pretty sure we did that little journey dozens of times…I’m not going to go into that here…but that is also a story in itself…death is quite the trip, and they were teaching me …well as it turns out, reminding me of …. The best way to approach that process. Basically teaching me “How to Die”. I learned a lot from that part of their teaching.
I was going in to the Light all the time, and changing enormously…
I learned how to travel on the astral plane…and learned how to find the answer to any question that I seemed to have, by going to what I called the “Archetype” plane. Which is like where the seeds of what we know exist, and where answers are seen so clearly just through moving symbols. In fact it could be said that the answer to any question we have concerning the nature of Life and reality, exists right before the intention of the Question….. this might sound cryptic, but it’s a pretty hard core esoteric truth. And one day I took the question, “What is God and what are we doing here?, to the archetype plane and had a vision that has answered every question I’ve ever had. ( A puppy was biting my finger and the vision ended.. I had the final part of the Vision maybe 7 years ago…it completed (that’s another story )
and I’ll leave you here with one of the most valuable lessons those teachers gave me:
OK, when you go into the Light it has a slight side effect. It exposes parts of ourselves that we have suppressed…hidden, things that we have defined as “darkness”…scary things that can make us look like the fools we are, if they are exposed….and they are exposed. So I was driving along reflecting upon my infinite stupidity….and it was extremely painful (hey did I already write about this…OH well, it bears repeating if so.. So here I am reflecting on that infinite stupidity because every day it’s like hyper evolution, like getting in lifetimes worth in a few hours…and so whenever I see these things I feel small and stupid…and I don’t like that much so I say out loud…. “I don’t want to have to see these things about myself….maybe I should quit meditating, quit going into the Light.” Then the Teacher who was sitting on that VW bug seat there next to me who I was of course in denial about said this,” You are not the person who you see when you look in the mirror….that is the past. You are the person who is looking (and unfortunately judging). Shift your perspective from what you are looking at, to the one who is doing the looking…. That is your Truth.
Holy major change Batman. That changed everything and I got on the fast track. You see my intention was to be “totally Free”, to reach Enlightenment and be able to stay and function in my body, while being in the Light. So I (against my Teachers …..suggestions and what felt like pleas…. started meditating all the time. I was doing Kriya, which is very powerful Light meditation, that you really should start slow with..
Well that was sort of a short version. There were meetings with one teacher in the desert… that were , well very intense, and I don’t think I’ve quite incorporated those lessons yet.
Well not long after there was another major shift… I did something magical…and very dumb that took me over 20 years to recover from. I call that my ,” Humpty Dumpty Episode…because all the Kings Horses and All the Kings men, couldn’t put Jeffrey together again….only a lot of time….
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